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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 12:55:32
There's too many of those in life. "You shouldn't feel this way" "This is bad for you" "I'm worried about you" "You shouldn't be calling" "You should be trying to work this out somewhere else ... with somebody else... some other way..."
All things that were said to me on ways along this journey.. this very intimate, incredibly painful journey (not saying that it's over either - far from it). I listened to my inner voice the whole time, the entire time this little voice inside me was saying "No, this is what you need. You need this brutality to yourself, you need this honesty, you need this." I tried to convey that to everyone, especially my therapist at the time. He ended up I think giving up, but I didn't. I did not. I knew what I was doing every moment, even in the "craziest" of them.
Can I please say to people like Michelle and pinkeye and others I can't think of right now, you're not doing anything wrong and you never were. Your soul is knowing what you need to do. You just need to find exactly the right circumstance and the lock can be opened, I know that. The right key and the right lock, at the right time. It can happen, you can MAKE it happen.
Smiles all round good night (there's the Voice of Self-Doubt just sneakin' right in there trying to crack a joke and make it light, haha).
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 13:06:42
In reply to Too Many Shoulds, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 12:55:32
I realize I'm not "cured" there's no such thing. It's an ongoing project. I'll slip backwards. I know there'll be days I come here to post and I'll feel like crap. I'll be miserable, depressed, upset. Sometimes I'll be sad, too, and I'll feel like I never made any progress at all.
But I need to know those times are coming. I need to tell myself right now, when I'm feeling good, when I'm feeling whole, happy and fulfilled, that it's achievable again. I can take this into the future with me....
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 13:13:42
In reply to Too Many Shoulds, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 12:55:32
Motivation is a powerful factor. Thank god for all the pain that led to the motivation. How many years of pain?
Posted by TamaraJ on February 18, 2005, at 13:37:54
In reply to Re: Too Many Shoulds, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 13:13:42
I am spending too much time thinking about the "should haves" in my life. I hate it. Thinkng about missed opportunities for love. Or opportunities that I turned my nose up at because I was having too much fun partying, and didn't want to be tied down or have my style cramped. Was that the real reason? No, I am stupid and weak, and didn't want to risk getting hurt. I am a freak! I should have done this, I shouldn't have done that, I can't . . . I cry too much these days. Just let it go already. I just doesn't matter anymore.
Posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 13:54:39
In reply to Re: What about the Should Haves? » Susan47, posted by TamaraJ on February 18, 2005, at 13:37:54
perhaps you both might want to look at them as can now "learn from, and if it suits me next time, I'll do that" ?
Also, if there were NO sadness, there would also be no happiness AND
if there were actually such a thing as perfection, we would never have a chance to grow and change as individuals....
hmmmm....gosh, life would be so boring...
Posted by pinkeye on February 18, 2005, at 14:37:43
In reply to Too Many Shoulds, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 12:55:32
As I read recently from a book, "Stop shouding yourself.". These shoulds are the ones which bring on depression and frustration.
And remember one thing about this brutal honesty with yourself.. Too often, people who are brutally honest are more interested in the brutality than in the honesty part of it. Again something I read somewhere, but thought it might help you. You don't have to be brutally honest with yourself to change - you need to be gently honest and sincere with yourself.
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 15:17:59
In reply to Re: What about the Should Haves? » Susan47, posted by TamaraJ on February 18, 2005, at 13:37:54
Did you mean to say "I" or "It"? Either way, you're wrong.. just kidding!
You matter, and so does it because your feeling about your lost opportunities might, this is just a guess but it might actually be telling you that you have lots of potential that you are being somehow held back from. Read your unconscious ... just my theory about myself, I have a lot of regrets too.
This is the end of the thread.
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