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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 15:20:32
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME???? I did it again, I phoned and had to hear his voice and I just had to leave a message because I wanted him to hear my voice, I had to make a connection, I needed the connection to feel alive, to feel good and pure and whole and I think I must be really really sick.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 28, 2005, at 15:25:19
In reply to I can't Stop!, posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 15:20:32
What'd you say in your message?
Posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 19:51:54
In reply to Re: I can't Stop! » Susan47, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 28, 2005, at 15:25:19
I said, I can't remember what I said I said I know it's really not normal, this isn't normal I was sorry to be calling but I needed to hear his voice, I needed to feel connected please don't block me. That's what I said, I think. Then I hung up and cried like a g*d damn. Then I posted.
Posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 20:38:04
In reply to Re: I can't Stop!, posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 19:51:54
I called again a while ago, I called again after hours, when I know it might be a long time I mean days before he takes messages so I knew it was pointless but I did it anyway, not only that he still doesn't want me calling and leaving any messages we talked about that this week, but I called anyway, and I sounded like six year-old me, i felt just i couldn't live in my skin, you know, and i went nuts posting because i knew this thing was happening, it's why i called him at this time, because this thing just started after my long mucky post, and i just don't want to be alone in it. But I don't want to stop what's happening either because i know it's important and that needs to be respected, no matter how silly or foolish this seems to anybody else it's real for me, it's really happening.
Posted by tryingtobewise on January 28, 2005, at 22:57:06
In reply to Re: I can't Stop!, posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 20:38:04
Hi Susan ~
I want you to know you are not alone in making phone calls. I work for a therapist and there are several clients who call very frequently to leave full length voice make messages just to check in & feel connected. And when I say frequently, I mean very frequently like 10 - 20 times per week. Eventually the calls get addressed in therapy ... in a very gentle way and sometimes they taper off but there generally is a waxing and waning. We also get a lot of hang up calls.
Does distraction work for you? Can you rent lots of movies, read books, do crossword puzzles, buy magazines, anything to give yourself a break from your longing?
I know I'm not a familiar "face" here at babble but I do read a lot of the posts. People just tend to speak more eloquently than I. I also am in the weird position of not only seeing a therapist, but also working for one (totally seperate deals).
Good luck!
Kim
Posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 23:27:50
In reply to Re: I can't Stop!, posted by tryingtobewise on January 28, 2005, at 22:57:06
Don't take this personally Tryingtobewise, you have to understand this is my way of making phone calls to my T, and he probably thinks I'm pathetic, which is really really sad that he would think that or put me down in that way, but, Well I should certainly hope calls are handled gently, I mean my God, how much can a client take? Should we even be allowed to be in therapy, I mean it's so short-term damaging!!! It's horrible!!! OF COURSE they should be handled gently, I should hope a therapist understands AND if I knew ANYBODY other than my therapist EVER heard any of my calls I would just want to DIE.
Posted by tryingtobewise on January 29, 2005, at 0:22:37
In reply to Re: I can't Stop!, posted by Susan47 on January 28, 2005, at 23:27:50
Hi Susan ~
I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. What I meant by my "handled gently" comment was the calls are thought gently of too. They are seen as normal behavior for the particular person in question...like "of course she would call often because_____." Never, Ever, is the client/caller thought of as pathetic! That is not even on the radar at all.
I'm not communicating this well at all. All I wanted you to know is that you are not the only person who feels connection by leaving voice mail messages.
I'm so sorry if I made you feel worse!
Kim
Posted by Susan47 on January 29, 2005, at 9:48:31
In reply to Re: I can't Stop!, posted by tryingtobewise on January 29, 2005, at 0:22:37
Kim, that makes a lot more sense, that's right, that's the way it Should Be. I did feel really really bad thinking I was an object of ridicule for my ex-T.
Posted by sunny10 on January 31, 2005, at 11:10:26
In reply to Okay I can accept that., posted by Susan47 on January 29, 2005, at 9:48:31
Suze,
Is there any pattern you can think of? Is it weekend, is it certain dates/days? I've been back-reading a bunch of your threads and these feelings seem to be cycling to me . Are you comfortable enough with the new T to explore this possibility? It may help her offer suggestions as to how you can feel better when they "hit" you like they did this weekend.
I hope you are feeling better now, are you?
Mwuh,
Sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on January 31, 2005, at 11:14:25
In reply to Re: Okay I can accept that., posted by sunny10 on January 31, 2005, at 11:10:26
I don't know I know weekends were really bad when I was a kid, school was out, my mother used to get really terribly depressed on Sundays, I remember we lived in small towns and it was so bloody quiet, it was like everybody died. So maybe it is weekends, I don't know, but I can tell you I feel it every day anyway, I constantly battle to keep the wolves away from the door, it's just a constant fight it never seems to end I'm getting really really tired of fighting it. I made such bad decisions for my life, I feel so bad.
Posted by sunny10 on January 31, 2005, at 13:10:25
In reply to Hi Sunny,, posted by Susan47 on January 31, 2005, at 11:14:25
Sounds like the insomnia I get every Sunday night...
Also sounds like you associate weekends with foreboding.
Don't fight your past- you can't, it's past.
I know it's winter (hardest for me, anyway), but can you make plans with the kids for something special in spring? Even something as simple as a "silly-supper" picnic (everyone work on thinking of the silliest things they can think of to bring on a picnic- the discussions usually even turn out more silly-fun than the result, but that's sort of the point).
Or family watercoloring in the kitchen? Some sort of family activity that won't leave you feeling as alone as you have been feeling...
And, like it or not, that Starbuck's idea that was given to you may not seem enticing to you, but it might be good for you to get out into the open air and around people a little bit.
Wish you could grab a cuppa joe with me!
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on January 31, 2005, at 17:56:17
In reply to Re: Hi Sunny,, posted by sunny10 on January 31, 2005, at 13:10:25
Yes, I wish I could grab that with you, too. :) My T's *ss would be nice.
I've been re-reading posts I made last summer, and I realize how terribly depressed I've become since then. Time to call my psych and get back on the Prozac. I've been crying all day. I can't handle this anymore; I'd rather be a sexual maniac than a depressed sensitive. :]
Posted by sunny10 on February 1, 2005, at 11:52:47
In reply to Re: Hi Sunny, » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on January 31, 2005, at 17:56:17
surely it doesn't have to be a choice between thw two... if Prozac makes you "a sex maniac" as YOU put it, then try one of the other meds!!!
There isn't just one anymore....
This is the end of the thread.
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