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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:40:06
I know there's been a few posts about people feeling jealous of time energy and affection their therapist might be spending on others, and I go against the grain in this, but I've developed this new understanding and now I feel it this way; the more my ex-therapist cares about others, the more special and worthy he becomes. None would really want a therapist who cared exclusively about them, I know that. Because that person wouldn't be worthy.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 22, 2005, at 17:32:21
In reply to Jealousy over T, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:40:06
Indeed.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 22, 2005, at 22:57:45
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on January 22, 2005, at 17:32:21
Yeah, ok so I don't know how much sympathy this idea will receive over here so I shall be sympathetic...
I think that is really insightful Susan.
I agree.
Which is not to say that I don't have sympathy for people who do get upset. I guess it is just that it doesn't upset me particularly because I see it this way too.
Posted by mair on January 23, 2005, at 0:04:07
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T » alexandra_k, posted by alexandra_k on January 22, 2005, at 22:57:45
I don't usually think about my T's other patients, in part because I almost never see them. A couple of times I've run into people I know going in or out of her office. It's not jealousy I feel so much as it is discomfort - my T has thoughtfully juggled appointment times so I don't have to run into those people.
Mair
Posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 0:51:29
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T, posted by mair on January 23, 2005, at 0:04:07
Why discomfort?
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2005, at 7:53:20
In reply to Jealousy over T, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:40:06
I'm not at all jealous of my therapists other clients. It never really occurs to me that he cares intensely about them. He might like them. He might have more in common with some than others, or find some more entertaining than others.
I'm not really jealous of his wife. I'm not even jealous of his daughter. I'm a bit jealous of his infant niece. Which says a whole lot more about my developmental stage than anything else. :(
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 23, 2005, at 10:55:30
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T » Susan47, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2005, at 7:53:20
I disagree with using the word "worthy". In theory, we're all "worthy", we all have inherent self worth, it's our actions which sometimes make us think less of ourselves or others. Sorry, this is my year long CBT/REBT coming into play here.
My T sees adults and kids and I am far and away much more jealous of the kids he sees. Pathetic.
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 13:02:49
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T » Susan47, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2005, at 7:53:20
Dinah, that's really cute :)
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 13:04:46
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 23, 2005, at 10:55:30
Mm, thank you for making me think that one over. Maybe I'm still feeling anger over something, which is perhaps why I used the word "worthy" because it's a very strong word, isn't it. It implies that someone let me down.
Posted by mair on January 23, 2005, at 13:30:48
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T » mair, posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 0:51:29
Just the discomfort of running into some I knew. It's funny because the first few years I was in therapy I never told anyone about being depressed or in treatment. By the time I was a few years along with my current T, I was much less guarded. I started running into this woman I know because she had an appointment right before me and she always seemed to run over, and she never used the back door out which would have kept her from the waiting room. I told my T that running into her didn't bother me and I honestly didn't think it did. After awhile, I noticed, however, that I was arriving at the last second hoping that I wouldn't run into her, and sometimes I'd even park my car in a parking lot across the street if I saw that her car was still in my T's parking lot. I'd sit there stupidly like a stakeout or something until she left. Pretty pathetic! I didn't say anything to my therapist, but somehow she picked up on my discomfort and suggested we roll my session time back by 10 minutes.
On one other occasion I came out of her office and ran into a couple I know headed in. I did mention this to my therapist at the next session and it turned out that they had just rescheduled for that week, so it wasn't going to be a regular occurrence.
Now it's funny because although she knows she shouldn't really say anything about any of her other patients, she sort of dances around it when we have to reschedule a session to a time before or after these people I know or if she's had to reschedule them to be before or after me. She'll give me this warning to come late or begin early as the case may be.
I don't really know why it bothers me that much. I'm not ashamed of being in Therapy, but I do think I'm ashamed of how long I've been there.
Mair
Posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 13:56:28
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T » alexandra_k, posted by mair on January 23, 2005, at 13:30:48
I can understand why you wouldn't want to run into people you know.
I would feel the same discomfort in that situation.
Thanks for thinking about it :-)
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 13:56:41
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T » alexandra_k, posted by mair on January 23, 2005, at 13:30:48
I read your post to alexandra, mair, and it just seems to me that going to see a therapist is really a very healthy thing to do, and these days, when therapy is accepted more as a path to self-enlightenment, I think it's something to actually be proud of, not feel uncomfortable about. And therapists have to be discreet, you know that. Maybe the other people you run into have the same feelings you do. Maybe the fact that your therapist is now in collusion with you about not running into people you know, is making the whole thing seem more important.
See, now I feel bad about giving you my ideas. Okay, scrap everything if it's not relevant.
Sorry about the poor grammar.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 13:59:07
In reply to Jealousy over T, posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 16:40:06
Hmm. I never thought of that. I guess I always see people from 'Adult Mental Health' so they don't see kids. But I can see why you guys might be a bit 'jealous' of kids. Now they can climb onto their lap and throw their arms around their neck.
No fair!
:-(
Posted by LG04 on January 24, 2005, at 16:34:42
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T, posted by alexandra_k on January 23, 2005, at 13:59:07
hi, this is ironic b/c i just talked with my therapist about my jealousy yesterday, and we are going to explore it in detail next phone call. i sometimes feel very jealous of her husband. once in a while of her kids but usually it's her husband, that they get to see each other every day and talk every day and so on. and that her knows her in ways that i don't. it's definitely a little kid feeling, b/c as an adult, i am hardly ever jealous of anyone, it's not one of my adult issues. (i have plenty others though!) and i understand why i would feel so jealous, b/c i was "partnered" by each parent in a different way and therefore felt competitive towards each parent regarding their relationship with each other. yuck, so complicated and messy. makes me feel even dirty inside.
i am glad though that we are finally going to explore it in depth b/c i have felt it on and off for at least a year but never really went into with her. it's a hard thing to admit.
LG04
Posted by namaste on January 27, 2005, at 16:17:41
In reply to Re: Jealousy over T, posted by LG04 on January 24, 2005, at 16:34:42
> hi, this is ironic b/c i just talked with my therapist about my jealousy yesterday, and we are going to explore it in detail next phone call. i sometimes feel very jealous of her husband. once in a while of her kids but usually it's her husband, that they get to see each other every day and talk every day and so on. and that her knows her in ways that i don't. it's definitely a little kid feeling, b/c as an adult, i am hardly ever jealous of anyone, it's not one of my adult issues. (i have plenty others though!) and i understand why i would feel so jealous, b/c i was "partnered" by each parent in a different way and therefore felt competitive towards each parent regarding their relationship with each other. yuck, so complicated and messy. makes me feel even dirty inside.
>
> i am glad though that we are finally going to explore it in depth b/c i have felt it on and off for at least a year but never really went into with her. it's a hard thing to admit.
>
> LG04I feel jealous of my other Ts clients and family too and it all is wrapped up in old feelings, it is hard to admit but good to talk aboout with T and to know other people feel it. i also seem like all I do is wait all week to see her and stop myself from calling.
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