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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 15, 2005, at 19:42:30
I do not have 'intense fears of real or imagined abandonment'. I do not. I do not. I do NOT. Well, maybe just a little...
I don't really see them as 'abandonments'. But other people categorise them as such. I feel bad when people go away. But it isn't so much that they have gone away, it is more what is there for me once they have gone.
In the past I guess the most dangerous stuff I have done to myself happened after someone left and I thought I was left with nothing.
But I am doing ok. I am doing ok. I AM. Today is the... 15th apparantly. That probably means it is the 16th over here. I am half way through the month of January. Half way before my t gets back.
Yeah ok so we weren't getting on so well before he left. But I guess I have become attached to him anyways. Tried not to, but there it is. Half way there. It has been hard but I am doing ok. It has been hard.
I will be ok :-)
I wonder if this means I am getting (just a little bit) better.
Posted by smokeymadison on January 15, 2005, at 20:36:43
In reply to Coping with 'Abandonment', posted by alexandra_k on January 15, 2005, at 19:42:30
i hate the wording too, actually. doesn't everyone prefer not to be turned away or left behind? but, ok, i do obsess over my boyfriend dying and leaving me alone or my dad's reaction to a possible pregnancy, but these worries aren't THAT abnormal.
i am glad to hear that you are feeling like you are handling things well. very glad. i am feeling better too.
SM
Posted by lifeworthliving on January 15, 2005, at 22:32:20
In reply to Coping with 'Abandonment', posted by alexandra_k on January 15, 2005, at 19:42:30
alexandra k,
i know this struggle! my t left middle of decemeber. she returns next week: the excitement is building... i can't wait to hug her! compared to last year i did MUCH better during the break this year. i think my feelings were less intense, but definately the same... longing, etc. i must have handled them differently? also, the busier i was the easier was to be here without her. everyday was like a week though. it feels so ridiculous to be my age and to pine away for this person. it's never happened to me before in any relationship. i remember i cried when best friend moved a 1000 miles away when i was 16 and this is waaaaay worse than that was. i'm not quite sure what it is we are supposed to be learning in therapy... it's all so darn hard.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 15, 2005, at 23:13:03
In reply to Re: Coping with 'Abandonment', posted by smokeymadison on January 15, 2005, at 20:36:43
>doesn't everyone prefer not to be turned away or left behind?
Yeah, though I think the 'intense fears' come from the extreme responses that follow.
> i am glad to hear that you are feeling like you are handling things well. very glad. i am feeling better too.
Thanks. I am glad that you are feeling better :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on January 15, 2005, at 23:17:18
In reply to Re: Coping with 'Abandonment', posted by lifeworthliving on January 15, 2005, at 22:32:20
Hey, sounds like you are improving too :-)
I am not sure what goes on for me. Not so much longing, more panic I guess. Not that we have been getting on all that well anyway. But I guess that when I was seeing him then there was somebody there (in theory anyway). And he wasn't sooo bad. Well, he kind of was. But well intentioned... I don't know. I guess it may be one of those situations where I didn't appreciate what I had until it went. But that doesn't sound right either.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
There was someone there in theory.
I will just hang in there.
Sad. But ok.
Posted by Shortelise on January 16, 2005, at 0:10:15
In reply to Coping with 'Abandonment', posted by alexandra_k on January 15, 2005, at 19:42:30
How about "removal of support"?
Kind of like my breasts when I don't wear a bra -they flop out of control. Whoa!
Or nothing to hold on to in the bus.
Or no seatbelts.
Or how about those fair rides but without the restraints?
Yes, indeedy, I am kind of off the rails at this very moment, but more on a flight of fancy than anything pathological.
My point is, and thank goodness I have one, that our T can be a pivot, a kind of point to which we can tether ourselves. If we're lucky, that is. If I can trust this one person to be there, to be consistent, so much so that I can hold on and know he won't fall and let me fall, well! I heave a great sigh of relief, some part of me does, some part of me feels the need for that.
I need that support. I can look in that mirror and see the same image, shake that tree and the same fruit falls, catch hold of him and there is the same solidity.
ShortE
Posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2005, at 1:15:50
In reply to Re: Coping with 'Abandonment' » alexandra_k, posted by Shortelise on January 16, 2005, at 0:10:15
> How about "removal of support"?
Ya, I like that much better :-)
Mmm.
I am doing ok by myself.
Not by choice.
But ok.
You guys are my support :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2005, at 1:44:35
In reply to Re: Coping with 'Abandonment' » Shortelise, posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2005, at 1:15:50
Couldn't help myself. I know she will just ignore it. Either that or foward it on so it gets put on my file.
Aaaargh.
I really do disgust myself sometimes.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2005, at 1:46:11
In reply to Sent my old t an email..., posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2005, at 1:44:35
Oh. I see what the time is for you peoples.
Thats why there isn't anybody here :-)Sleep well everybody.
I'll have to go watch the evil television
Or play x-box or something I suppose :-)
Night night.
Posted by smokeymadison on January 16, 2005, at 2:28:02
In reply to Re: Sent my old t an email..., posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2005, at 1:46:11
well, i am not sleeping very well tonight and you know why, but yeah, i know how it can be w/ old therapists. i really feel like calling my old one in the morning (b/c here it is 3:30 am). but i can't, i know. i have gone and visted old therapists when i had a good excuse. ok, something of an excuse--like, i am in town for the holidays with my family--too far away to see my regular therapist. or when i am between therapists and need "advise" on how to find the next one. i sent a couple of them Christmas cards--not sure if that was acceptable or not a couple of years ago. i have insisted on going to a hospital that is 3 hours away just so i can be seen by the same pdoc for years now. but that is over. he won't see me again b/c he wants me to go to a local hospital so i get "continuity of care"
oh us borderlines :)
Posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2005, at 4:02:38
In reply to Re: Sent my old t an email... » alexandra_k, posted by smokeymadison on January 16, 2005, at 2:28:02
"Continuity of care" - I remember that one :-)
Hope you get some sleep
This is the end of the thread.
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