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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2005, at 11:45:02
I feel so sad for therapists sometimes. I can't imagine what it must be like to have needy people constantly wanting more of you. No matter how much you give, it's never enough.
Clients wanting to phone you between sessions.
Wanting to ask stuff, wanting to be more to you, wanting, wanting, wanting.
People so introverted and into themselves, so much in pain, and really, so little you can do about it.
How to help?
I'm so glad I never had the chance to be a therapist.
But it's much worse being a client, I'm quite sure of that.
Posted by cubic_me on January 13, 2005, at 14:13:04
In reply to Being A Therapist, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2005, at 11:45:02
> Clients wanting to phone you between sessions.
> Wanting to ask stuff, wanting to be more to you, wanting, wanting, wanting.Oh how good it would feel to feel wanted.
I suppose therapists have to know when they have got enough clients to handle, and not take any more, and I'm sure some therapists are able to switch off more easily from their clients than others. They do have some perks - like money, and hearing things that someone would never tell anyone else - feeling trusted with that.
Posted by mair on January 13, 2005, at 20:09:23
In reply to Re: Being A Therapist » Susan47, posted by cubic_me on January 13, 2005, at 14:13:04
My T claims she loves doing what she's doing. She seems very upbeat and optimistic and she did tell me one day "how could I do this work if I wasn't that way." It made sense to me.
We had this conversation today where she was talking about the minimal amount of testing and report writing she does for schools, courts, and social service agencies. She sounded like she really liked it, and I asked her if it's what she'd really like to be doing. Her response was that she didn't like never knowing how things turned out with people she tested and never getting that feeling of connection. She said what she most enjoys is working in long term therapy with people like me.
It struck me while I was listening to this that I actually more than half believed her. I used to be convinced that she didn't want to be stuck with anyone like me, something I used to tell her repeatedly. It must be a true sign of progress that it's been quite awhile since I last had myself convinced that she was desparate for a way to jettison me as a patient.
mair
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2005, at 20:13:58
In reply to Re: Being A Therapist, posted by mair on January 13, 2005, at 20:09:23
:)
I know what a biggie that was for you, Mair. I'm so happy for you.
Posted by mair on January 14, 2005, at 8:38:22
In reply to Re: Being A Therapist » mair, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2005, at 20:13:58
Thanks Dinah - I am noticing a change as is my therapist in how much easier it is for me to talk, but I'm pretty sure the old insecure me is still lurking under the surface. (-;
One of the many things that can trigger those insecurities about whether or not she wants to keep seeing me is feeling like I've reached a dead end. Therapy becomes almost impossible for me when I can't see that I can still make progress. It's the discomfort that comes maybe with totally running out of things to talk about.
Mair
Posted by Susan47 on January 14, 2005, at 16:07:42
In reply to Re: Being A Therapist » Susan47, posted by cubic_me on January 13, 2005, at 14:13:04
Yes, true 'nuff. I guess I was thinking more of the tortured clients who are a real handful.
I remember once I met a girl who transferred onto me. Her mother, I think, who she'd never really had, you know? She'd been abused quite badly and I remember how hard it was for me, to have her go into these infant states while with me, and how I had to call her psych and tell her psych that I couldn't see this girl patient of hers anymore, because it was just too much for me. I remember the guilt and the relief I felt when her psych took my place, or did whatever it was that caused this girl to stop coming to me.
Posted by Susan47 on January 14, 2005, at 16:10:39
In reply to Re: Being A Therapist, posted by mair on January 13, 2005, at 20:09:23
That sounds so lovely mair, it's so affirming to hear stories like yours. I think my T was desperate and desperately relieved to see the last of me.
I just all felt so ... DESPERATE! I thought that I would cease to exist if he didn't love me, and of course he didn't, I mean, it isn't a T's job to love his clients but still, a client really needs to believe that sometimes.
Posted by mair on January 14, 2005, at 18:45:41
In reply to Re: Being A Therapist » mair, posted by Susan47 on January 14, 2005, at 16:10:39
Susan - maybe I'm giving you a rosier picture than is warranted. I mean it's taken me every bit of 5 (probably 6 if I went back and checked my records) years to feel the slightest bit like my therapist cared about me. Alot of that (most of it) is me, but I think some is her also. I don't think she's the kind of therapist who encourages any level of dependency and the impression I had of her for at least the first 2 years or so was that she really wanted nothing to do with her patients outside of her office. We've been back over this ground and I understand where my perceptions come from - what I haven't ever told her, I think, is how hurt and angry I felt when I was at my suicidal worst and yet not feeling like it was ok to call her. And for years I never dared stop therapy for awhile for fear that she would never take me back as a patient. And while I now believe her when she says that she enjoys working on a long term basis with people like me, I'm not altogether convinced that I wasn't right at least some of the times when I thought she'd love to get rid of me.
She has a competency and professionalism that I admire; she's dependable and patient. But I'm rarely bowled over by anything she says to me and it's too disconcerting to me that when she jumps in to finish my sentences, she's so rarely correct in what she thought I was thinking. I don't think she even realizes it when she does say something surprising and remarkable to me. Lot's of times I'm not at all convinced that she understands me - not to give the impression that I'm complicated or anything - I just think she jumps to conclusions a little too readily. I don't necessarily think the lack of understanding is a bad thing - it forces me to say whatever I need to say to make myself understood, but it can be aggravating.
I wouldn't at all mind sending her to the seminar we'd like daisy's therapist to give on how to be a perfect therapist. I'm as bowled over as everyone else around here by some of what she says about him.
I realize that there are real downsides to feeling devoted to and dependent on your T, but given some of my issues, I actually think it would be a good thing for me, at least for awhile. That's no easy task with my T.
On the other hand, I am really glad she loves her job because at least I've mostly gotten over the fear that she's going to just quit practicing.
Mair
Posted by tryingtobewise on January 16, 2005, at 22:33:48
In reply to Being A Therapist, posted by Susan47 on January 13, 2005, at 11:45:02
Susan 47, I don't know if it was intended or not, but your post reads like a poem. Nicely written. And I totally agree with the the context!
Kim
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