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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:21:41
My therapist was terrific today. He quit being so superrational and spoke to me at an emotional level instead. And we talked about how when I get irrational (in his eyes) he gets more rational, and that that rarely works to reach me.
We talked about lots and lots of things. The session seemed so much longer than usual. I felt understood. Why does feeling understood seem so healing? And we talked about realities of life and how you can get stuck in something that's too good to leave, but too bad to stay (and no, I mean my job, not him), and what are some ways to feel less trapped. And he sang (none too well) "You can't always get what you want".
We talked about how I make it difficult for others to help me sometimes. Ok, often. But in such a way that it sounded as if he wasn't really mad about it.
It sounds as if we talked of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and maybe so. It got into some pretty deep areas, but in a really relaxed low key way.
Why can't he always be this way?
Posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:44:39
In reply to Going against the trend here, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:21:41
I don't know why they can't always be like that. I wish they could, too.
Posted by anastasia56 on January 11, 2005, at 21:40:50
In reply to That's great, Dinah, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:44:39
it sounds like a wonderful session. I'm happy for you that you had it.
anastasia
Posted by annierose on January 11, 2005, at 22:20:46
In reply to Re: That's great, Dinah, posted by anastasia56 on January 11, 2005, at 21:40:50
Posted by daisym on January 12, 2005, at 0:02:01
In reply to Going against the trend here, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:21:41
They wouldn't feel so good if they were all that way. But you needed one like this so I'm glad for the timing of it. Hold onto this feeling for awhile and let it lighten the load for you a bit. I hope the rest of your sessions this week don't disappoint either.
(((Dinah)))
Posted by Shortelise on January 12, 2005, at 1:46:39
In reply to Going against the trend here, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:21:41
Is it a combination of the two of you? How you both were? How were you, yourself, different?
I am so so glad to hear it went well.
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 5:30:53
In reply to Re: Going against the trend here, posted by Shortelise on January 12, 2005, at 1:46:39
I was calmer, which I think gave him room to be more real.
I don't know how these things happen, and I don't know how they end. I shouldn't say end, exactly. He's insisting on seeing me every day next week. (Oops. I mean this week. lol. Sometimes slips are soooo obvious.) And (hangs head in shame) when my mother dropped by yesterday on a prearranged visit, she found me mid screaming temper tantrum over a new pair of bifocals that I just can't wear, and hate to lose the money on.
Posted by mair on January 12, 2005, at 7:26:10
In reply to Going against the trend here, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:21:41
I've had to tell my therapist that when I'm feeling really depressed, it's sometimes an irritant to have her be so composed and rational. I think there are 2 reasons it might be so annoying. I think one is that I don't want to be painstakingly walked through the process of reasoning how my emotional perceptions are skewed. I think I know they are but it doesn't make them any the less real.
What I don't think I have told her is that it also makes her seem less caring to me - less empathetic. Cooly rational seems detached.
Of course, if I'm falling apart, it's good that one person in the room is remaining sane, so it is a tough balance.
Mair
Posted by Daisym on January 12, 2005, at 10:27:39
In reply to Re: Going against the trend here » Dinah, posted by mair on January 12, 2005, at 7:26:10
I've said something like this too...a month ago I was in a frantic state. I couldn't stop talking but so much of it was just frantic ranting and retelling of things I'd already said to him. He remained so composed and calm that I had to say something about his demeaner. He actually was surprised that I brought it up and said that he was overall a calm person and he preferred my rantings to withdrawing into a silent ball. But he felt I needed the calm presence to balance those frantic feelings. And he asked me if it would feel better if he got frantic with me. (Ah, no, but it might be entertaining?)
He was right, but on some level I think I wanted him to be rattled. I've only managed to do this twice in 18 months...and that was more a display of frustration with me (why CAN'T you just allow yourself to have what you so clearly need!).
Posted by gardenergirl on January 12, 2005, at 11:40:41
In reply to Re: Going against the trend here » mair, posted by Daisym on January 12, 2005, at 10:27:39
I'm glad you told him what you need and that he was able to provide it. I'm so glad you had such a healing session.
And singing...I would PAY to hear that! ;)
gg
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 11:40:43
In reply to Re: Going against the trend here » Dinah, posted by mair on January 12, 2005, at 7:26:10
"Of course, if I'm falling apart, it's good that one person in the room is remaining sane"
That's almost exactly the words my therapist used, only in reverse of course.
And... Today's session was back to frustrating. I told him that he withheld his thoughts too much and it made if feel like we couldn't go any deeper than the surface. He worked on sharing his thoughts and complained that it was hard because he felt like I wasn't considering what he said - just defending my position. And I told him I was getting the exact same feeling from *him*. Which he admitted was possible, that we were both doing it to each other. So I suggested that next session we do that role switching game, which at least closed the session on a laugh from him.
Argh.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 12, 2005, at 11:52:52
In reply to Going against the trend here, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:21:41
Sometimes I think Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are the greatest philosophers of our time. There isn't one week that goes by when I don't have to say to myself "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need."
I love those magical sessions. FEw and far between. I wonder if our Ts feel them too? There are times when I feel we've had a mediocre or even poor session and it never fails, he mentions what a productive and good session it was. And I am left bewildered!
This is the end of the thread.
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