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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
I wrote a letter (finally!) that I feel comfortable sending to the old T, explaining why I decided to leave her and why I did it the way I did. I've started (and even finished some of) numerous letters to her that were too stupid or melodramatic or angry or whatever to even consider sending her, and I've wondered whether she even deserves an explanation, or whether I'm going to get hurt by sending this because I'll be hoping for a reply.But I think I'm ready to do this, and I think this will help give me closure. Yes, I will hope for a response, but eventually I will realize that none is coming (or I will get one and deal with that then). I think this is the right thing to do.
Feedback is welcome, including the opinion that I shouldn't send it. I'm interested in hearing why if you think that's true.
Posted by anastasia56 on January 11, 2005, at 21:39:25
In reply to I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
i'm with you in thinking you should send it in order to get some closure. If she doesn't answer then you have done all you could.
anastasia
Posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 21:56:12
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by anastasia56 on January 11, 2005, at 21:39:25
I sent my old psych a bunch of letters; I don't really trust him, but the fact is that it's the only way to exorcise him from myself.
I let everything pour out, including my anxieties over my children's welfare, and his response was to go directly to a social service agency and report me for abuse. I always knew he was an *ss, and he confirmed it beautifully.
Exorcism works.
Posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 22:39:45
In reply to I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
And BTW if your ex-T sends the types of letters that mine does, it might be BETTER if you get no reply.
My T was a cold fish inside and out. What is the point of trying to build up trust with a client if you're so willing to tear everything apart later?
I hope you therapist cares beyond the paycheque. Remember that they're human, and every human being has the capacity to be an *ss at one time or another. And they have the ability to be in denial as much as anybody else. Please don't put too much weight on what your ex-T thinks.
Am I just talking to myself? Maybe.
Thanks for reading, I hope I haven't upset anybody ... but it would be great if therapists could realize how important they are to their clients. This is something that reverberates on these boards so much. It's so heartwarming to realize that some therapists actually really do care, and show their caring. Show it. Really, really, are unafraid to show they care. And if they don't, they shouldn't be seeing ANY clients. Because every human being is worthy of your best. Any therapist who can't give that, has no business being in the business.
Posted by messadivoce on January 11, 2005, at 22:40:42
In reply to I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
I say go for it!! I'm in the same situation as you (I sent my letter 8 days ago, but it's not like I'm counting, right? ;-)). I found that writing all those drafts was just as useful as the finished product. And you're right, if she doesn't respond then you did all you could and at least your feelings are out there for her to deal with.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:42:58
In reply to I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
Im not really familar with what the letter is reagarding but i still wanted to add my opinion. Is it kindof a nasty letter or just an explanation?
I think you should wait a few days before sending it. act as though you sent it but really don't, if you leave it for a few days and you still feel the same then send it.
I ALWAYS regret things the next day or even days later, that is why i recomend waiting.
Posted by crushedout on January 12, 2005, at 7:05:27
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow » crushedout, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:42:58
It's an explanation. It's not nasty at all -- it's very nice.I think I will wait, though, at least one day. I think that's a good idea. Actually, I see my new T tomorrow -- maybe I'll wait till after that.
Posted by wheeler on January 12, 2005, at 7:48:43
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow » rainbowbrite, posted by crushedout on January 12, 2005, at 7:05:27
Is it possible you could bring the letter to your new T and read it outloud to her? It may help you get a different perspective (good or bad).
Posted by fallsfall on January 12, 2005, at 8:14:42
In reply to I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
Definately go over the letter with your new therapist.
Whether it is a good idea to send it or not depends on the content and tone of the letter, and your preparedness to handle both getting a response and not getting a response.
When I started looking for a new therapist (before I had left my old one), I gave her a letter (read it to her and then gave her a copy) explaining why I was leaving. I was incredibly disappointed a month later when I realized that as clear as I thought the letter was, that she had no idea why it was that I was leaving. But it did make *me* feel better to know that I had tried to explain it as clearly as I could.
These are very difficult decisions. Let your new therapist help you.
P.S. You know my email address...
Posted by crushedout on January 12, 2005, at 8:17:33
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow » crushedout, posted by wheeler on January 12, 2005, at 7:48:43
Yeah, I've been thinking about doing that. It's a little embarrassing for me, but I might try.
Posted by crushedout on January 12, 2005, at 8:19:00
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on January 12, 2005, at 8:14:42
Thanks, falls. All good ideas, including your email...
Posted by Annierose on January 12, 2005, at 10:42:47
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow » fallsfall, posted by crushedout on January 12, 2005, at 8:19:00
Hi Crushed-
Can I tell you how good you sound? So grown up
and all. All good ideas above. I know how difficult it would be to read the letter to your current T. Maybe it would be easier just to give it to her to read.
When I stormed out of therapy 16 years ago ...
I did write her a letter about 2 - 3 months afterwards. Not so much an explaination, but sort of a follow up, where I'm at - type of letter
(husband left me ...). Anyway, I never heard back from her. I throw that out there so you know it is a possibility.
Good Luck, let's us know what T2 thinks.
Annierose
Posted by Joslynn on January 12, 2005, at 11:07:50
In reply to I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
I guess what you would need to ask yourself is, am I sending the letter to get a response, or am I sending the letter for me. What am I trying to get from the letter? Then that may determine whether or not you send it.
I think it's a good idea to show it to new T first.
Here is another idea...write the letter, put it in an envelope, stamp it, adress it to YOURSELF and toss it in the mail. Then, you will get the letter back to yourself in a couple days. At that time, open up the postmarked envelope and read the letter. See how you feel reading it.
Good luck whatever you do.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 12, 2005, at 11:19:26
In reply to I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow, posted by crushedout on January 11, 2005, at 20:42:23
Crushed,
I think your sending the letter is a great idea, both for you and her. In fact, I think you're doing her a favor by explaining yourself and what caused you to leave. Hopefully she will learn from your courage!
Posted by gardenergirl on January 12, 2005, at 11:46:19
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow » crushedout, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 12, 2005, at 11:19:26
Crushed,
I don't know what the letter says, but it sure sounds like you are in a much more centered place about this. That's good to see. Whatever you decide, I think you will make the right decision for you.gg
Posted by Susan47 on January 12, 2005, at 20:18:41
In reply to Re: I'm going to send my old T a letter tomorrow » crushedout, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 12, 2005, at 11:19:26
Crushed out, I agree with Miss Honeychurch. Sending your letter shows courage, and it's not wrong to share your feelings in a letter. Even though feelings change, and I believe that's the reason people are often reluctant to share their feelings, the fact that they're your feelings right now is what's important. Sharing them is courageous, and good. If you have nothing to say that's destructive, (and I'm sure you don't) then have faith that it'll be received with grace.
This is the end of the thread.
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