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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
I was thinking about the thread above about "standard" therapy questions or phrases, which turned into pretty much what not to say. So how about this question: What has your therapist said or asked that surprised you? I guess I'm thinking about this because today I was genuinely surprised.
I had a terrible session on Monday, was withdrawn and hurting and had HUGE anxiety going in today. I kept floating away and couldn't keep a train of thought. I told him that I'd been tracing the ceiling for the last 20 minutes, even as I had rattled on about essentially nothing.
He said, "Are you still up there?"
I nodded yes but said I was trying to come down.
He said, "Can I come up there with you?"
I didn't expect that! It was so sweet and so sincere that broke through my defenses.
My response was, "I don't know. No one has ever wanted to before."
He said he'd take that as a yes and he would love to come and see things from my view up there. He also said, "I told you I'm here for you, even if here is up there."
(Pass the kleenex please.)
Posted by fallsfall on January 5, 2005, at 19:33:34
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
Awwwwww...
He's a keeper.
Posted by Aphrodite on January 5, 2005, at 19:46:00
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
One surprising thing he said that at first I found alarming but later found validating was, "You suffer more than anyone I know." That may sound like a strange thing to be comforted by, but I always felt like I was overreacting to my life events.
Once when I said for the zillionth time that I was difficult, that I must drive him crazy, etc., he shook his head and said, "You just have no idea how easy you are to care for." He's repeated it since then.
Posted by annierose on January 5, 2005, at 20:13:56
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
great question, i'll just need to think about a reply ... i know i've been surprised in a nice way.
but did your t actually begin to look up? or move to your side of the room? or was he speaking metaphorically?
he is definitely a sweetie. does he have kids?
what a great dad he must be!
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 5, 2005, at 20:16:04
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
Wow girl never doubt your T rocks
> I was thinking about the thread above about "standard" therapy questions or phrases, which turned into pretty much what not to say. So how about this question: What has your therapist said or asked that surprised you? I guess I'm thinking about this because today I was genuinely surprised.
>
> I had a terrible session on Monday, was withdrawn and hurting and had HUGE anxiety going in today. I kept floating away and couldn't keep a train of thought. I told him that I'd been tracing the ceiling for the last 20 minutes, even as I had rattled on about essentially nothing.
>
> He said, "Are you still up there?"
>
> I nodded yes but said I was trying to come down.
>
> He said, "Can I come up there with you?"
>
> I didn't expect that! It was so sweet and so sincere that broke through my defenses.
>
> My response was, "I don't know. No one has ever wanted to before."
>
> He said he'd take that as a yes and he would love to come and see things from my view up there. He also said, "I told you I'm here for you, even if here is up there."
>
> (Pass the kleenex please.)
Posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 20:24:30
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
What kind of speciality is your T? CBT or what? He seems awesome.
Posted by Dinah on January 5, 2005, at 20:31:02
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
Mine never surprises me. And I like that about him.
Well, he every once in a while surprises me in a bad way, but not often.
Posted by Daisym on January 5, 2005, at 20:33:53
In reply to Re: More Things Therapists Say, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 20:24:30
My Therapist describes himself as a pyschotherapist with a strong emphasis on self-psychology. We talk about Winnicott a lot, as well as typical psychodynamic stuff. Today we talked about Buddihism, because I'm reading a book. Mostly he tells me it is about the relationship "between us" and sometimes he says he is flying by the seat of his pants because every therapy is so different. He has 25 years experience, btw, and is known in our community for long-term therapy.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 5, 2005, at 22:35:15
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
I just love hearing what your therapist says, Daisy! I don't ever think I'll get tired of reading about him. In the past, I've written some of the more wonderful,startling things my T. has said, but I don't have anything too unusual to report right at the moment. He is sometimes on the balcony, sometimes on the floor- always following some lead or hint I have given him- not just introducing things on his own.I am constantly off-balance- I never know whether I am going to be terrified, sobbing, laughing, or in a moment of peaceful closeness- usually its all of them every time..
Posted by gardenergirl on January 5, 2005, at 23:46:53
In reply to Re: More Things Therapists Say » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on January 5, 2005, at 22:35:15
The one thing my T said a lot in the beginning, and I eventually found it very comforting (I tend to need repetition) was "You come by it honestly ("it" meaning whatever issue, trait, perceived "flaw" etc.). I really didn't get it at first, but later, it was very comforting to hear that I am who I am because of who I've been and what my experiences have been. Not because I'm flawed or weak, or whatever. I like that.
gg
Posted by Aphrodite on January 6, 2005, at 7:01:20
In reply to Re: More Things Therapists Say, posted by gardenergirl on January 5, 2005, at 23:46:53
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 6, 2005, at 8:41:37
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
One thing my T has said that I remember more than anything anyone has ever said to me is
"Self respect is a gift you give yourself."
I have no idea why this resonates so much. It helps me realize however how hard I am on myself and that I'll never be truly happy until I treat myself better.
Posted by Poet on January 6, 2005, at 21:40:58
In reply to More Things Therapists Say, posted by daisym on January 5, 2005, at 19:16:22
I asked what's the point of my being in therapy? She said, *to learn to trust someone.*
She also said that she understands why I have my protective barriers and she'd never try to break through them by force. Most people start trusting her after a month or two, it's okay that it's been two years, I trust her as much as I am willing to.
Poet
Posted by Daisym on January 6, 2005, at 21:49:25
In reply to Re: More Things Therapists Say, posted by Poet on January 6, 2005, at 21:40:58
Mine says that too...only he says it like this: "this IS your therapy...learning to trust." Usually he says this when I have pulled back and I feel like I'm not doing anything in therapy except showing up.
Posted by Speaker on January 6, 2005, at 22:11:47
In reply to Re: More Things Therapists Say » Poet, posted by Daisym on January 6, 2005, at 21:49:25
I may not be acurate but it feels like my T says what he thinks I need. EXAMPLE Monday I had a really hard time as it was our first session after his Christmas break. I think I was more upset than I realized that he hadn't offered to make contact during our break. I started crying which is very unusual for me (and I hate it). When he realized I was upset as he didn't offer to make contact he looked at me and said "I'm glad to see you today". If he would have said that at the beginning of the session I would have thought he could have been sincere. However, when the session was ending and he said that it just felt like he was saying what he thought I needed...it actually hurt! Then I step back and wonder if my analysis is warped :)...I hate it when I need therapy to figure out therapy!
Posted by daisym on January 6, 2005, at 23:40:02
In reply to Says What He THINKS I Need, posted by Speaker on January 6, 2005, at 22:11:47
Me too!!! That is what I consider Babble for, therapy for therapy.
To "reframe" for you...at least he notices what you need and tries to give it to you before you leave. I'm sure he is sincere in this effort.
I'm sorry things are so hard.
Posted by Speaker on January 7, 2005, at 9:38:31
In reply to Re: Says What He THINKS I Need » Speaker, posted by daisym on January 6, 2005, at 23:40:02
Daisy,
thanks for pointing that out! Yesterday was a bit better day and I am just trying to be thankful for even a bit better :). You always make me feel better...thank you!
Marie
Posted by Shortelise on January 7, 2005, at 18:28:41
In reply to Says What He THINKS I Need, posted by Speaker on January 6, 2005, at 22:11:47
Speaker, could you tell him this, that you distrust his sincerity?
If he's a good T, and if he was just saying it to mollify you, then he will tell you.
So if you trust he is a good therapist, and he tells you it was sincere, then will it be ok?
I have trouble with - can't think of the word - means when you say one thing and underneath there is another meaning. When I was little it was important for me to be able to read acurately what was beneath what was being said, because those around me said one thing and often meant another, esp my mother. Now that I have come to understand that, I am unable to bear it if I think someone is saying one thing and means another AND WON"T ADMIT TO IT or I am told I am being too sensitive. I am ok with most people, but those I trust MUST NOT prevaricate. I can't bear to feel "it's all in my mind". It's crazy making.
My guess is that he said it because he felt it, and knew you needed to hear it. He didn't not feel it and say it anyway. Twisted English, but a good thought!
ShortE
Posted by Speaker on January 7, 2005, at 20:06:56
In reply to Re: Says What He THINKS I Need » Speaker, posted by Shortelise on January 7, 2005, at 18:28:41
Thanks, you are exactly right! I went to therapy today and we talked about it and thats mainly what he said. I so appreciate your thoughts!
Posted by Shortelise on January 8, 2005, at 13:38:03
In reply to Re: Says What He THINKS I Need » Shortelise, posted by Speaker on January 7, 2005, at 20:06:56
I'm so, so glad, Speaker.
One more hurdle, eh?
ShortE
This is the end of the thread.
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