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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:18:32
The pdoc who lectured me about my csa and how I subsequently handled it called me after I sent a letter telling her the pain she caused and after a meltdown with my T that he didn't defend me when the two of them spoke.
I launched defensively into her when she called b/c that's how I've learned to deal with controlling people. She interrupted and apologized. She said she had never been so "off" in reading someone; she thought I was more functional and robust until she read my T's report. She wanted a second chance. She said I was a lovely and smart young woman, and my demeanor and high-functioning despite my chronic abuse history was a good indicator that I could be "cured". It sounded a bit hollow to me, but I was afraid I was just being skeptical. I don't see how learning to be fake and have a facade is a healthy thing! I agreed to one more session next week, and if at the end I'm still uncomfortable, she will transfer me.
I kept remembering my T saying all the other patients loved her. He made me feel like the problem was me; he's probably right. Sigh. Anyway, he was very pleased that I was trying again to confront these things. He offered to go with me. He said if I wanted to try a new pdoc, he was insistent on going with me to protect me from another bad experience. I told him I didn't require such a gesture, but it was greatly appreciated.
I'm going, but wish me luck. The young part of me is very afraid about getting burned again.
I keep telling myself, she's just a drug supplier, she's just a drug supplier . . . (Sorry again, Dr. Bob.)
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2004, at 18:26:27
In reply to The pdoc's apology -- what do you think?, posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:18:32
I think that you should see how it goes.
I am so glad that you wrote her honestly!
What she said was the appropriate thing to say, but I do hear you that such things can sound patronising and fake when you have reasons to mistrust.That is a mistake that lots of clinicians make.
Thinking people are more highly functioning than they are.
That same mistake gets made with me fairly frequently.
But they are genuinely suprised when I spin out.
It took me so long to realise that their suprise was genuine.
I think it is because I am so good at putting on the 'I'm ok' face - even when I am not. I am not.
Sounds like you are pretty good at this too.
And it gave her a shock.See how it goes, and TRY to give her another chance. That way nobody will be able to say you didn't try - and then I won't let you say it here either!
Good luck.
I do hope she doesn't let you down
Posted by annierose on December 23, 2004, at 18:47:01
In reply to The pdoc's apology -- what do you think?, posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:18:32
How incredibly kind that your T offered to go with you? I would feel so uncomfortable with my T going, but the gesture speaks volumes about his commitment and caring for you. You can hold his thought in your mind if you decide you go. The pdoc should have apologize profusely, that was appropriate. She screwed up! Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 21:11:02
In reply to The pdoc's apology -- what do you think?, posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:18:32
She's just a drug supplier is a good way to think of her. My pdoc is way too neutral to really dislike, but I have no particular positive feelings about him. And I wouldn't dream of telling him anything personal. But he's the one who saw that the disastrous state I was in when I first met him resulted from being on an antidepressant with no mood stabilizer. He stuck me on a mood stabilizer right away. I'd be hard pressed to ever leave him if only for that.
If she can learn from her misjudgement, and if she really does know her meds, it may be worth giving her another shot.
Posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 8:12:37
In reply to The pdoc's apology -- what do you think?, posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:18:32
Instead of adapting her Dr. Phil, get real, get over it, lecture approach after my complaints, she just decided to lecture and tell me to "get over" different subjects. She was careful not to bring up the csa -- I guess she thought the problem was not her style but what she was discussing. I left thinking, "OK, I can be grown up, just use her for the meds which are working, I can do this . . ." Then I went to my T and had a meltdown and told him he is pushing me to be too mature, grown up, etc. and that just being in her presence reminds me of female authority figures throughout my life who failed to protect me. I apologized for failing on the 3rd pdoc try and how horribly difficult I must be.
He gave me permission not only to quit but to outright hate her;) That helped. He said he had already spoken to another pdoc who was "warm and fuzzy" as I had requested and said he's going with me. End of story. It's hard for me, Ms. Do-It-Herself, to have to accept this kind of care, but it really was the traumatized little Aphrodite who has been scared to death so a little caretaking is nice. I will argue and not let him go with me, but the offer and intent behind it was very touching.
All of this anguish for a little bit of mood stabilizers. Why does everything have to be SO complicated?
Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2005, at 9:09:54
In reply to update -- she's fired, posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 8:12:37
I fired biofeedback guy for that style. And he's the only biofeedback guy in a hundred miles. :(
Posted by Shortelise on January 1, 2005, at 12:23:09
In reply to update -- she's fired, posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 8:12:37
I'm so glad you did this! I've been following this episode and really wanted to fire her myself! Or bite her really hard. Or both.
You are so sensible.
ShortE
Posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 12:59:26
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Aphrodite, posted by Shortelise on January 1, 2005, at 12:23:09
Thank you for your validation! It means so much! You know, when I had so many bad experiences, I couldn't help but think it was *me* so I went kept going even against my instincts. So, I am trying to persevere and get help for myself and follow my instincts at the same time.
Thanks again!
Posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2005, at 15:29:39
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Shortelise, posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 12:59:26
Telling you to 'get over it' is of course pointless unless she is able to teach you HOW to do this.
Grr. Some people make me so mad.
You gave her a chance. You told her honestly what was going on for you. Don't feel bad about going through lots of psychiatrists - fact is there are a lot of 'bad' ones out there. I mean that in the sense that some are really into the bio medical model and the fact is that doesn't really help them have any understanding or sympathy for certain illnesses.
Good on you for deciding not to go back there.
Posted by Dinah on January 1, 2005, at 20:47:23
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Shortelise, posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 12:59:26
Going through a lot of them says more about the state of the mental health profession than it does about you.
I'm not even crazy about the pdoc I do have. The ones I fired were impossible.
Posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 21:01:24
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Aphrodite, posted by alexandra_k on January 1, 2005, at 15:29:39
Posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 21:03:48
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on January 1, 2005, at 20:47:23
> Going through a lot of them says more about the state of the mental health profession than it does about you.
>Thank you so much for reframing it this way. I work with A LOT of people, and I feel I am fairly easy to get along with and I like most people. Imagine my reaction when I hate 3 doctors in a row! I thought it was my own resistance, but objectively, they really, really were insensitive at best, incompentent at worst.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 1, 2005, at 21:09:27
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 21:03:48
Aphrodite,
I'm glad you gave her another chance, and I'm glad you fired her. I hate Dr. Phil and his style, and I know it wouldn't work for me. If she didn't change based on your honest input, she never was going to. I'm sorry you had to go through that.Take care and I hope warm and fuzzy is really true.
gg
Posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 21:16:07
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Aphrodite, posted by gardenergirl on January 1, 2005, at 21:09:27
> I hate Dr. Phil and his style, and I know it wouldn't work for me.
But isn't it strange that he obviously really, REALLY resonates with people? I hope people in your profession think he is a hack and do not emulate him. I'm worried about a future generation of psychologists with a Texas twang and a big boot to kick their patients with.
Wow, that was strong. I'm usually not so opinionated! Let's temper that with I guess "tough love" works for some. I just don't see the "love" part there myself.
>
> Take care and I hope warm and fuzzy is really true.Oh, how I do too. Thank you.
Posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 21:17:27
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired, posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 21:16:07
Posted by gardenergirl on January 3, 2005, at 8:39:23
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired, posted by Aphrodite on January 1, 2005, at 21:16:07
He does resonate with people, and I suppose he does have value. I read one of his books once, or at least I started to. It seems very practical and solution focused. I think his style is geared towards TV. But if he were my T, well, he wouldn't be. ;)
gg
Posted by Dinah on January 3, 2005, at 19:17:43
In reply to Re: update -- she's fired » Aphrodite, posted by gardenergirl on January 3, 2005, at 8:39:23
This is the end of the thread.
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