Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 421409

Shown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg

Posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 15:39:10

My T really threw me for a sixer on Friday. I mentioned earlier about how I overheard his address and I did tell him this. Except I was really stupid and said it in the first sentence or two of my writeup. It takes me a little while to work up the courage to sneak peeks at him while he's reading my stuff, so I didn't actually get to see his expression when he read it. But he handled it well. He gave me some analogy (that I've totally forgotten now) but it basically came down to the fact that he is there to help me with my life, not become part of it. He also said that talking about obsessions often takes the heat out of them, so it sounded like he was going to raise it again in future.

Then a few sessions later, I gave him some more stuff on my autobiography (that's a whole other thread in itself) and one of the questions was about what you would do if you had millions of dollars. One of my many answers was to give him a retirement fund. After he read that write up, he started on about the helping with my life, not becoming part of it stuff again. I had assumed it was because of this retirement fund comment.

I started getting really antsy and didn't know where he was heading with this not-being-part-of-my-life stuff and had a big spew at him. I mean, of course I know he's not going to be a part of it. That's not the problem. It's more that I want to live life vicariously through him.

So I had my spew and he kind of sat there and thought for a while and then he laid his cards on the table (so to speak).

It turns out that he wants to switch to a more experiential approach with me and start playing cards with me. I was thrown a bit off balance by that and at one stage he kind of likened it to play therapy with kids.

So now I'm starting play therapy. Have any of you done this before?

I must say that I am both thrilled and terrified by this. Thrilled because no one ever wants to play with me. Not now or growing up. I love to play. I feel like a little puppy wagging its tail so hard it's whole back end is wagging. But terrified because I know that is one of the few ways guarenteed to let my defenses down and let him in.

And terrified because I know I'll get hurt out of all this. His comments about not being part of my life were actually about this. He said that it can confuse some people. I guess because he would feel more like a friend than a coach. He said that there are some people he would never try it with because they would get confused over it all. I kind of got the impression that I was on the borderline and he was trying to figure out whether to risk trying it or not.

So anyway, I'm telling him all these thoughts, plus more. But I wanted to know if anyone else "plays" with their therapist.

 

Freudian field day

Posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 16:06:32

In reply to Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg, posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 15:39:10

> But I wanted to know if anyone else "plays" with their therapist.

Sorry, but I only just realised how disgusting this last sentence sounds. I bet Freud would have a field day with that one!

 

Re: Freudian field day » littleone

Posted by fallsfall on November 28, 2004, at 16:52:15

In reply to Freudian field day, posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 16:06:32

I'm so jealous. I would love to play during therapy.

Once I brought a game in that I had made, and I made my (old) therapist play it with me. She was NOT happy about that, and really refused to get into it with me.

I had interviewed a therapist who had a sand table. Boy was I tempted to choose her simply because she had a sand table.

 

Re: Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg » littleone

Posted by Skittles on November 28, 2004, at 17:18:09

In reply to Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg, posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 15:39:10

I haven't done play therapy, but I've often thought I'd be able to speak more freely if we were *doing* something. That way I could focus more on the activity and less on my concern over her response to things. I've just never been able to figure out anything we could do. I think this sounds like an interesting opportunity. Do let us know how it goes, okay?

 

Re: Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg

Posted by lifeworthliving on November 28, 2004, at 19:03:01

In reply to Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg, posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 15:39:10

i have tried to get my t to walk with me and so far it's been no. i have thought that when/if i ever do counseling, i will charge less if the patient walks with me. i'll get my exercise needs met, they get some air(always good for whatever ails ya) and it keeps any of us from having to look at each other! i'll carry tissue and if we have to stop and sit on a bench for minute, then so be it. i'd like more casual and wondered if this would be a way to get it? some people might not want to be seen in public with t? i suppose those that don't can pay more? I AM VERY CURIOUS about your t and playing cards with you. i hope you will continue to post about this. i'm almost excited for you!? wondering now if i've got a deck of cards for my next appt? the only thing that might be bad is strip poker... gotta keep your pants on for good therapy. (sorry, i couldn't resist)

 

Re: Well, I didn't see that one coming - longggggg » littleone

Posted by Aphrodite on November 28, 2004, at 20:14:40

In reply to Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg, posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 15:39:10

Please let us know how this goes. I think there is great potential in this. I know I've had my most intimate conversations while *doing* something with the other person like cooking or painting or whatever.

Once my T cautiously ventured that he wanted to do a collage with my inner child. The adult me quickly raised an eyebrow and he dropped it immediately never to return to it again. I kind of regret it now.

 

Sand table » fallsfall

Posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 20:46:05

In reply to Re: Freudian field day » littleone, posted by fallsfall on November 28, 2004, at 16:52:15

Falls, I started to read a little about play therapy and came across the sand table idea, but I just couldn't picture it. Was there a sandpit in the office? Was it just one of those little tiny sand things with the rake? Do you just have the sand, or are there other objects there to use in the sand?

Sorry, it just baffled me.

 

*Doing* things » Skittles

Posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 20:47:47

In reply to Re: Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg » littleone, posted by Skittles on November 28, 2004, at 17:18:09

> I haven't done play therapy, but I've often thought I'd be able to speak more freely if we were *doing* something. That way I could focus more on the activity and less on my concern over her response to things.

YES!! That is exactly it. Talking I'm bad at. Doing I'm great at. If I'm distracted by the doing, I can usually talk better.

 

Walking » lifeworthliving

Posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 20:54:10

In reply to Re: Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg, posted by lifeworthliving on November 28, 2004, at 19:03:01

Re walking, this would not work for me at all. I have AvPD (amongst other things) and I'm always overly conscious of people looking at me. *shudder* just thinking about this gives me the goobies.

But I can certainly understand what you're saying and I can see how you would find it a lot easier.

> the only thing that might be bad is strip poker... gotta keep your pants on for good therapy. (sorry, i couldn't resist)

Oh, I loved this one! And the funny thing is that poker was the very first game he suggested. I'll never be able to hold a poker face now.

 

Collage » Aphrodite

Posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 20:56:21

In reply to Re: Well, I didn't see that one coming - longggggg » littleone, posted by Aphrodite on November 28, 2004, at 20:14:40

> Once my T cautiously ventured that he wanted to do a collage with my inner child. The adult me quickly raised an eyebrow and he dropped it immediately never to return to it again. I kind of regret it now.


Just because you kind of turned it down last time, doesn't mean you can't raise it with him yourself if you'd like to. He'd probably take you up on it (after asking why you're raising it now of course!)

 

Re: Sand table » littleone

Posted by fallsfall on November 28, 2004, at 21:08:37

In reply to Sand table » fallsfall, posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 20:46:05

It was a box on legs - sort of like an elementary school desk without the top. So you could sit in front of it like you sit in front of a table. It was 2 or 3 feet square and maybe 6" deep, with 4" of sand. There were things to use scattered around in the sand: people, animals, stones, I'm not sure what else.

From what I've read, the patient can fiddle with the sand and things while they talk, and the way that they end up arranging (or the process that they use) gives the therapist additional information. Like if one patient puts all the "toys" on one side and makes a big mountain out of the sand, that would be different than another patient who spent the time burying all the "toys", or another who meticulously tried to make the sand smooth on top. What would be important would be *what* was chosen to be played with, and *how* the play proceeded.

Facinating stuff. Makes me want to call that therapist and ask if I could see her a couple of times just for fun. She led a therapy group that I was in many years ago. I didn't like her as a group leader, I like her much more one on one. And I'm sure she didn't have the sand table when I was in her group!

 

Re: Sand trays

Posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2004, at 0:43:28

In reply to Re: Sand table » littleone, posted by fallsfall on November 28, 2004, at 21:08:37

I love sand trays. I love to make worlds there. I catered a party for a group of therapists and there were two sand trays and I made worlds in them both, and then played with the doll house, made a world in there, then palyed with some of the other toys. It was great fun. It's right brain stuff for me, straight out of my creative mind.
I've done art therapy but I only did drawings, paintings there. I'd LOVE to do play therapy.
ShortE

 

Brings back bad memories

Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2004, at 7:53:36

In reply to *Doing* things » Skittles, posted by littleone on November 28, 2004, at 20:47:47

I'm sure it's an excellent idea. It's just loaded for me. As a teen I went to a therapist for a year. All we did was play cards (gin rummy I think) while he tried to pry information from me and I steadfastly refused to speak.

Shudder. Shudder. Horrible memories...

 

walking » lifeworthliving

Posted by badhaircut on November 29, 2004, at 9:15:59

In reply to Re: Well, I didn't see that one coming - longgggggggg, posted by lifeworthliving on November 28, 2004, at 19:03:01

Walking while doing psychotherapy. What an interesting idea. It sounds great! Especially if your office were near a nice park or something. (Like on "Law & Order", everyone the police interview seems to be walking in Central Park...)

-bhc

 

walking therapy

Posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2004, at 18:23:34

In reply to walking » lifeworthliving, posted by badhaircut on November 29, 2004, at 9:15:59

I agree wholeheartedly. Walking and talking seem so natural. It's as though it's easier to get to a less defensive part of my brain when I am walking.

I remember when I was hospitalized some 30 years ago wanting to walk outside with my psychiatrist - there is would have been ok as there were huge grounds to the hospital but we would have been within sight the whole time. I never dared ask.

Could it be something about ethics? Not leaving the office, not being in an uncontrolled environment?

Curious.
ShortE

 

Re: walking therapy

Posted by LG04 on November 29, 2004, at 23:23:56

In reply to walking therapy, posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2004, at 18:23:34

On two different occasions my therapist and i sat outside in a park. the first time i insisted. i don't remember what it was, but i remember that i didn't feel safe indoors, i felt suffocated, i felt desperately like i wanted to be outside in the open air. she was hesitant about the idea but agreed to it and it was fine for both of us. i really appreciated her flexibility. it was a little harder to concentrate/focus, and of course i couldn't cry my eyes out :) but it was a meaningful session. a little less formal, and i saw her more as a person. it was very interesting.

the second time happened once when i came to her office (she works with a consortium of women) and one of the therapists was with a client in the room where we were supposed to meet. so she asked if it was okay to sit outside in the park like we once did. i wasn't thrilled about it but did it anyway and it was okay but more difficult b/c it was in the afternoon and kids were running everywhere. we're both ADD so we have to be careful about external distractions!

i don't think my therapist would have been willing to do it on a regular basis but once in a while, if for some reason i really wanted to, she would be okay with it. we have also discussed going for a walk but for whatever reason it hasn't happened. Usually I want her all to myself without distractions so I prefer in her office. Also I cry a lot! also recently when i was visiting the country where she lives (if you haven't read any of my recent posts, i moved back to america from living in another country), i got strep throat and it was my last week there and she came to where i was staying for our session b/c i was too sick to come to her.

lastly, the last time i saw her before officially moving back here, she came to my apartment for our final session. i so much wanted her to see where i had been living, to meet my cats, to see the balcony with the view where i always called her from and told her about, it was so important to me that she see my space. we discussed the idea and decided it would be okay. it was amazing. it was such a special meeting with her. it was perfect. i will remember it for the rest of my life. and it was so much easier for me to say goodbye to her with her leaving my space, rather than me walking out of her space.

i have always appreciated her willingness to be flexible and to be willing to go outside the box once in a while to meet my needs. i know it might not work for everyone but it has worked for me. (and continues to work for me as we speak by phone twice a week. i would have been devestated if i had to terminate with her and never speak to her again. it would have destroyed everything we had built, everything i had learned from her about relationships and all the trust and everything. and i think she knew that. it would have taken me months and months to get over, minimally.) Eventually i will speak to her less (it used to be four times a week so we are already speaking half the time we used to) but she said she is here for as long as it takes. i will continue to pay her, a small fee each month.

she is a big believer that different people need different things and not to stick to one plan for everybody. She is my fifth therapist if I count the first one who was a total asshole and emotionally abusive. I never wanted to talk about or focus on my relationship with a therapist before but with her it was different. Something about the dynamics between us made this therapy different than the others. she has made some mistakes with me but i have learned an incredible amount about myself and about relationships from the intimacy i share with her. And I’ve learned from her mistakes. And i love her dearly and always will.

 

Re: walking therapy » LG04

Posted by Shortelise on November 30, 2004, at 12:45:31

In reply to Re: walking therapy, posted by LG04 on November 29, 2004, at 23:23:56

That is so heartening.

I feel like if I knew you well, I'd see in your post how far you have come in your life. You sound so ... advanced. Mature. Dare I say, sane.

Maybe a big part of therapy for some of us is to know that the connection remains, that we are not left, we are not alone, things can end well, and we can feel good about it.

ShortE

 

Re: walking therapy » Shortelise

Posted by LG04 on November 30, 2004, at 13:42:17

In reply to Re: walking therapy » LG04, posted by Shortelise on November 30, 2004, at 12:45:31

Thank you for the compliments. After 13 years of therapy (and a horrific childhood), I'd hope that I've accomplished SOMETHING!

I love what you said about the enduring connection. You are right. For me, it is essential. (but sometimes still difficult to let the good feelings stay...and I still don't completely trust that she won't leave. but i'm trusting more and more as time goes by...)

Thanks ShortE.


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