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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2004, at 21:08:54
Do you "share" your therapist?
I don't. But my therapist doesn't agree to that. He asked me if I was going to fire him over it, and of course the answer is no.
But surely it's possible not to share?
Posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 21:56:40
In reply to Pfinstegg? Daisy? Others who know what I mean?, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2004, at 21:08:54
hmmm, I could take this two ways. I don't "share" my therapist very much with my IRL friends or family. The work we are doing is so private and my feelings for him even more so.
As far as sharing him amongst myself - it is hard isn't it? Everyone wants her turn, and he is pretty good at giving space to everyone. So I guess, yes, I do share him. But maybe not during the same session? This is hard to answer. Once he asked me if I could free associate all the voices in my head outloud. NOT A CHANCE!! The gate-keeper usually edits what everyone else wants to say. Not as much as she use to though.
Is this what you mean? Why did this come up? And, gasp! How could he think you would ever, ever fire him?
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2004, at 22:37:18
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Daisy? Others who know what I mean?, posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 21:56:40
Believe it or not, he frequently asks me that question. I don't know whether he realizes that I won't fire him and asks it to politely let me know that I can like or lump something, or if he genuinely thinks it's possible I could fire him. I kind of think, all things considered, that it must be the former.
It came up because I was telling him how moving out of the memories felt like moving from one ego state to the other. And that I realized that it was because both involved self hypnosis. And I asked him if it was "bad" to self hypnotize to come on a regular basis. Because some people would think it *was* bad to do something so deliberate, you know. There's reams and reams of internet articles saying so. ;)
So we talked about that, and he said he didn't think it was bad because by doing that, I didn't do the self destructive things I used to do. So in practice, it works, it's helpful, and not to worry about being deliberate about doing it.
But once my brain started wandering down that path, I couldn't help wondering whether he would prefer if I sometimes *didn't* self hypnotize, and that I came as rational me. And he answered that he thought that might be a good idea. At which point emotional me told him that not only did I not want to give up session time, but that I wanted him to by *my* (emotional me's) therapist. Because, you know, couples or family therapy isn't the same as individual. It's a totally different thing when the therapist has one client, whose needs are primary to him, or more than one where maybe the relationship is primary to him.
It led to a sort of amusing discussion of whether rational me would have a separate therapist, or if he could be a therapist to emotional me and a consultant to rational me. Amusing in that it sounds ridiculous to recount it. Not that it wasn't completely serious and weighty in importance.
Make any sense?
Posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 23:16:01
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Daisy? Others who know what I mean? » daisym, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2004, at 22:37:18
Makes total sense. I always feel sort of ridiculous trying to explain to other people "me, her, she and us."
I guess the question is what would your rational self get out of therapy? For me, the adult ego state has many things to deal with, not the least of which is my husband and his illness. The "kids" are dealing with old feelings and recovered memories. And we are all dealing with being alone and overwhelmed.
But you've always said your two states are the same age, just one is emotional and one rational. So, are there needs on both sides? if so, I think your therapist could learn to consult with the rational you...would she accept his advice? I'm thinking he might have to change his style some for her.
You told me once that I might have to learn to let my "girls" take turns. Can you do this?
I also wonder if this conversation didn't come up because your rational side might really need him for support right now. It gets exhausting thinking about the right thing to do and taking responsibility for so many things. You've got so much going on.
Finally, my therapist would tell you to stop reading those internet sites. He gets so outraged (it is cute) when I tell him what I've read that scares me or contradicts what we are doing. You can imagine how many times I've read about over-dependency and how bad this is. I go into "research mode" when I begin to get too attached and it frightens me.
Posted by Aphrodite on November 21, 2004, at 15:47:01
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Daisy? Others who know what I mean? » daisym, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2004, at 22:37:18
It makes perfect sense. I have oodles of parts of me that need his attention, and we really do have to take turns. It seems though that some part of me always leaves the session feeling unheard. A couple of times I have written out some of my inner dialogue about our competing needs, and that has helped "all of us" feel like we've gotten our dues.
I actually think the idea of a consultant to your rational side is a good idea. Your rational part would probably prefer to be on equal terms with him, a team if you will, and would be happy to have some discussions about how to deal with emotional Dinah. Maybe that could be the beginning of your session, and then the rest of the time could be for emotional Dinah. However, I'm not sure how you are self-hypnotizing, so I don't know if that is something that could be quickly or easily done in his presence once your rational side talked with him.
OK, here's hoping that I made some sense;)
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 21, 2004, at 20:36:47
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Daisy? Others who know what I mean? » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on November 21, 2004, at 15:47:01
Dinah, I've never been too clear about *who* the rational and emotional parts of Dinah really are. Most of the rest of us who know we have ego state disorders seem to speak about an adult self who acts in a competent fashion, but carries a lot of depression and anxiety, and one or more childhood selves- these carry various cut-off painful memories and feeling states, but don't all have to do with sexual or physical abuse. Some deal with emotional neglect and misattunement, which, from what I've been reading, is coming to the fore as perhaps even more damaging than either physical or even sexual abuse.
I was wondering whether the rational Dinah is the adult you with the fine mind and excellent problem-solving abilities, while the emotional Dinah is carrying the painful memories of neglect and misattunement. From what you've said about your mother, especially recently, she sounds very ill (and damaging) emotionally. Could the emotional Dinah be the little girl who got hurt so badly by those clearly impaired parents?
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