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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Froso on November 15, 2004, at 13:53:07
I don't understand what went wrong and I need meds now and therapy. I've been living in a vicious circle as my T calls it for the last three years, unable to move on with my life. My psychotic episode marked an halt to my social and student life (at least I did manage to get my MA from a distance) and made me realize that what I was feeling before wasn't "normal" or my fate (to be unhappy) but can be defined in terms of "mental problems." But I just don't understand. My T talks about emotional/mental abuse and neglect by my parents but I don't remember and both my parents deny it (they got a divorce when I was 8. I lived with my mother and grandmother until I was 15 when my mother sent me to my father because we had been fighting all the time. Then I went to England and now I'm back with my mother and grandmother. I'm 27 yrs old now, perhaps too young and immature for this site.) When I talk to my T I feel I'm accusing my parents and although I have only bad memories from my childhood (an inexplicable sadness especially during early adolescence) I know they can't be true. I told my T I need her to take care of me and she said my parents hadn't taken care of me when I was a kid but my mother wasn't working and she fed me and played with me and took good care of me when I was ill. It just doesn't seem to make sense. How will I know that there was indeed deprivation and emotional abuse and it's not just my T's fantasy? If there had been something overt and violent, I would have had an excuse for being ill now.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 15, 2004, at 14:31:58
In reply to I don't understand what went wrong..., posted by Froso on November 15, 2004, at 13:53:07
Froso,
I don't think you need to look for a "reason" or "justification" for your problems. Obviously, SOMETHING has been going on. To look for something you can blame it on is impossible. My T says depression and anxiety are cumulative. So you could have had a bunch of "minor" incidents but they all build up and build up.
You mention you know the bad memories you have as a child and adoloescent aren't true. Whay do you say this?
Also, I think you can approach therapy in a way where you can of course address your past, but also in therapy you can work on your FUTURE and learn skills on how to ease your present depression and anxiety. IT's all well and good to explore your past and WHY you are the way you are, but if you are not given skills on how to ease your problems, therapy is useless (in my opinion). So, I think if you are uncomfortable in addressing your childhood and sad adolescence, I don't think it is imperative that you have to have a moment of epiphany concerning your parents. You have the option of working in the present.
Does your T give you any skills on how to deal with your present state of mind?
Posted by Aphrodite on November 15, 2004, at 20:29:59
In reply to I don't understand what went wrong..., posted by Froso on November 15, 2004, at 13:53:07
Clearly, something is there or you wouldn't feel badly. My goodness, your parents' divorce and then the fighting and having to move sounds traumatic to me. It may not have been overt abuse, but something happened (or didn't happen) to trigger those feelings. I know the feelings of betrayal about your parents because we want to honor them. But therapy is the place for you to be honest, so try not to feel guilty about it. I know it's hard.
BTW, all ages are accepted here. I'm in my early 30s, so were somewhat close. You seem very mature to me if not in chronological age then in spirit.
Posted by Froso on November 16, 2004, at 10:59:59
In reply to Re: I don't understand what went wrong..., posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 15, 2004, at 14:31:58
What happened in the past has an impact on me now and my relationship with my parents hasn't changed much over the years. So we discuss "now" in order to find out what was there "then". We do talk about my current problems, and anxiety and the difficulty I have relating to others, and how I fail every single job interview that I go to, and everytime a new problem comes up that looks foundational but then something else is revealed which seems more important. She does not teach me skills to ease my depression, I think she believes that understanding, making sense of the problems (anxiety has a reason for existing, it's there for a purpose) will bring relief. Maybe it's not the right way I don't know.
Thank you for your response.
Posted by Froso on November 16, 2004, at 11:04:43
In reply to Re: I don't understand what went wrong... » Froso, posted by Aphrodite on November 15, 2004, at 20:29:59
Thank you for your response Aphrodite. I'm trying to be honest with my T i.e. honest to myself about my parents.
Did you tell your T about how angry you are he mentions his girlfriend?
Posted by JenStar on November 16, 2004, at 18:07:09
In reply to I don't understand what went wrong..., posted by Froso on November 15, 2004, at 13:53:07
hi Froso,
I don't know the extent of your relationship with the T, but don't forget that mental illnesses (including psychosis) usually have roots in genes and brain chemistry. I think early life experiences can contribute to a person's well-being (or lack thereof) but really, sometimes depression and other issues ARE caused solely by brain chemistry.Is your T working solely from a 'talk therapy' standpoint?
Also, I'm not sure that anyone's past is an excuse for current behavior. I think we all have free will and can choose our behaviors, life-styles, etc. Having a good upbringing makes it easier to choose wisely, and having a bad upbringing can make it much harder. BUT -- I don't believe that we're COMPLETELY created by our environment. I'd caution against trying to "blame" or "excuse" your illness on something your mother did or didn't do. I think it's better to look for solutions and ways to change behavior moving ahead. At least that's what works best for me, when I'm making progress. :)
About age -- there's no wrong age for people here! We've had some high-schoolers and some octegenarians and everyone in between. Welcome and have fun here. :)
JenStar
Posted by Froso on November 17, 2004, at 5:32:29
In reply to Re: I don't understand what went wrong... » Froso, posted by JenStar on November 16, 2004, at 18:07:09
>
> Is your T working solely from a 'talk therapy' standpoint?
>
yes, but she is a psychiatrist and gives me medication too. she probably thinks I've made some progress by opening up more lately and so decreased my medication (that's how I understood it). I'm skeptical about my illness having to do with genes.I'd caution against trying to "blame" or "excuse" your illness on something your mother did or didn't do.
I don't blame my mother (I do really but not for my illness) but I think it has to do with the way I am and how I perceived and still perceive things and situations which has something to do with my upbringing.
I think it's better to look for solutions and ways to change behavior moving ahead. At least that's what works best for me, when I'm making progress. :)
>I'm doing that but mostly through talking about both past and present. That's my T's approach.
> About age -- there's no wrong age for people here! We've had some high-schoolers and some octegenarians and everyone in between. Welcome and have fun here. :)
>
> JenStar
>
>Thank you jenstar!
This is the end of the thread.
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