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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
Hi All,
For those not following the saga, I quit or went on a therapy hiatus for a while due to my therapist being, what I felt, judgemental, unsupportive and incompetent.
I wrote an email a few weeks later saying that I wasn't really mad anymore--that she made a mistake and that I probably over-reacted but that I was having a good experience w/ this break--whether it be permanent or temporary I wasn't sure. She wrote back saying she was moved by the email, especially the imagery around leaving home (as mentioned, there was no imagery around leaving home.)
I wrote her yesterday updating her on some stuff. I said at the end that I wanted to know if she could truthfully handle me and my situation. It was an emotional email to say the least.
I got a response today. It was this, "Hi 'Rigby'. I got your email."
THAT WAS IT.
I guess I'm so disappointed to accept that this woman is effed up and incompetent. It scares me that I put so much in her hands. ACK.
I don't feel attached emotionally to her. I figure I wanted to try and straighten more stuff out and she knows my case and she's relatively inexpensive vs. others in this area.
Comments/advise would be so much appreciated!!!
Posted by sunny10 on November 11, 2004, at 13:11:40
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
If you are not emotionally comfortable in you own therapy, where else CAN you be? I'm having the same sorts of thought about my T.
I'm thinking of switching T's- sent an email to one about her availability, but have not gotten a response...
I am sort of ambivalent about the whole thing... so many feelings both good and bad, so am sort of spinning my wheels, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up swiitching T's.
I am glad that this one did CBT and made me "able" to get by, but I think I want to try analysis of some sort to get rid of those deep-core feelings that I am "working around" instead of "through".
Sorry I don't have "advice", but thought I'd offer my short story in hopes it helps you.
good luck with whichever way you decide to go!
-sunny10
Posted by Tabitha on November 11, 2004, at 13:42:58
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
Hi Rigby, I just wonder if she has a policy about answering email. It sounds like you're wanting a detailed reply, really getting into some issues, and I wonder if that's just not her way of working with e-mail. Did you discuss it before you left? I'm just wondering, if your T didn't agree to do e-therapy with you, maybe it isn't realistic to expect much more than a courtesy reply.
Posted by Poet on November 11, 2004, at 15:18:40
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
Hi Rigby,
If it were me and my therapist responded to a heart felt email so bluntly, I would start looking for a new therapist. You say that you have no emotional attachment to your T, so maybe it wouldn't be so hard starting over even though it might cost more money wise?
My T and I have only emailed once, so I don't know what she would do if she got a long detailed one from me. I'm pretty sure that if I did send one and all she sent back was that got it, I would be mad. I'd probably reply with *and so?* Put the emotional ball back in her court, so to speak. I tend to react to rudeness with rudeness.
Sorry your T let you down.
Poet
Posted by caraher on November 11, 2004, at 16:52:26
In reply to Re: Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Tabitha on November 11, 2004, at 13:42:58
> Hi Rigby, I just wonder if she has a policy about answering email. It sounds like you're wanting a detailed reply, really getting into some issues, and I wonder if that's just not her way of working with e-mail. Did you discuss it before you left? I'm just wondering, if your T didn't agree to do e-therapy with you, maybe it isn't realistic to expect much more than a courtesy reply.
Even a courtesy reply should acknowledge the content of the original email and explain any policy that precluded a detailed reply ("make an appointment so we can discuss the issues you raised" or something of that nature).
To me it sounds like you should move on
Posted by underthecs on November 11, 2004, at 18:54:36
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
maybe she's processing a considered response and just wanted to let you know, while you're waiting for it, that she did indeed get your email.
Posted by daisym on November 11, 2004, at 19:30:58
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
Rigby,
I'm going to way over-step here and ask you to really be honest with yourself about "not having an emotional attachment." I have to wonder because you describe the email as "emotional" and you sound really hurt by her response. (I would have been crushed.) What were you hoping for?
If you can honestly answer that you don't have an emotional investment in this therapist, then my next comment is that it seems like you ARE looking for someone to connect with. It sounds to me like you still have some things to work out and would like to find someone who can "handle you and your situation." You deserve to feel confident in your therapy. Starting over might be hard, but it might also provide new insights, and supports.
All that said, I'm sorry you were left in such an uncomfortable position. You deserved better.
Posted by crushedout on November 11, 2004, at 20:06:25
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
Rigby,Especially given everything that came before, this woman sounds like she's completely out of her mind. I hope you won't mind me saying that. I mean, that's not even an *appropriate* response. You asked her a question. If she doesn't want to respond to it in an email, then she at least has to say *that much* in the email. "I'd rather talk about my answer to the question you ask in person" or something along those lines.
If you ask me, something REALLY weird is going on with her meds. I'd have to advise you to find another T. The money should not be much of an issue. Believe me, I know this is easier said than done. I know what you mean about how she knows you and stuff. But that can also be a drawback. A fresh perspective (I'm finding) can be very useful.
Falls has great T shopping advice. Check out the thread.
And, of course, you have my sympathy and understanding.
P.S. What made you decide to reach out to her after all?
Posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 21:56:04
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
Rigby, it just sounds like it could be her way of taking time to ruminate, and because this might a really difficult question for *her* to answer, it was a clunky way of putting you off. Maybe for a bit or maybe she means to put you off, to get you further away. Dear dear Rigby, I wish I had the courage to look through my posting history because I don't know if I shared this, but what you've asked this therapist is EXACTLY the same question I asked mine on his answering machine but never had the courage to ask his face. And I used to rant that he was incompetent, too. Oh dear, I wish this therapist of yours would answer your question.
Posted by mandinka on November 11, 2004, at 23:41:45
In reply to Re: Should I Just Accept She's Lame?? » Rigby, posted by underthecs on November 11, 2004, at 18:54:36
But still I think you're better off switching Ts, Rigby. Unless she really takes responsibility for her words and works hard to undo the damage.
Posted by Rigby on November 12, 2004, at 10:47:18
In reply to Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 11, 2004, at 12:48:12
Hi All,
Thanks so much for all the responses. I'll try and address most (hopefully!) of them here.
In terms of the way it's worked in the past, I've emailed her stuff, like dreams and thoughts and she will respond saying something like, "I look forward to discussing this next week." Not a lot but an aknowledgement. It's not really e-therapy, just a mode for me to send thoughts, etc. When I emailed her an update a few weeks ago she invited me to come back if I felt I wanted to or to just clear anything up.
I decided to reach out to her because I've got some seriously confusing things going on in my life and I *would* like a professional's help with them.
I don't think I'm super attached to this therapist at this point but I guess I do feel sort of sad that I would find her to be just so, at best, disorganized about stuff or so flakey. But having dumped my guts for three years it's hard to simply write it off. However, I'm not devastated either.
I wrote back a note that, I have to admit, was sarcastic (not like me, actually.) I said, "Thank you for the short but really thoughtful and supportive response. I guess I have the answer to my question, though."
Frankly, I don't think she'll even get the sarcasm--that's how out of it she seems to me.
I do have a name of someone highly recommended that I'm going to call. As some (most) of you have said, I probably need to move on.
Rigby
Posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 21:26:38
In reply to Re: Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Rigby on November 12, 2004, at 10:47:18
In support of your therapist, and I could be wrong because I've never met her and you have, but I think she probably did get your sarcasm. :] I think lots of times we don't give our therapists the credit they're due because we feel disappointed.
Posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 21:28:22
In reply to Re: Should I Just Accept She's Lame??, posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 21:26:38
And, of course, thanks for letting me post and getting people upset most likely, and I've shut down yet another thread by saying exactly what I think ... no offense to any Germans, but really, Tiberius Claudius was probably right about us.
This is the end of the thread.
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