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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on November 11, 2004, at 23:15:27
I guess things have been going pretty well. The break from my T (for all those who know *my* saga) seems to be doing me good. I feel like I'm getting small glimmers of life beyond her. It's like she's cast this huge shadow over my life and the light is now only *beginning* to peek through the cracks. Maybe. It's kind of a relief.
I still have so much to figure out with the consulting T, though. Whether, and if so, when, to see T1 again. Whether to terminate if I do see her. How to terminate. Do I need to have someone else lined up first? Do I need to be in therapy? What do I tell T1? Do I lay blame or is that not helpful? Do I express anger at her for her failing me, for hurting me, for being so careless with my fragile self? Do I do it in a letter?
I'm scheduled to see consulting T on Monday, then I have an appointment with T1 on Thursday. I don't know if I should cancel, try to put her off, or what. I guess I'll have to try to figure that out with the T on Monday. But if you guys have thoughts, they are more than welcome.
Posted by Daisym on November 12, 2004, at 10:30:32
In reply to Glimmers of beyond ... what next?, posted by crushedout on November 11, 2004, at 23:15:27
Crushed,
Have you read "A Shining Affliction?" It is a beautiful book, about a failed therapy and hope afterwards. It is really sad in parts but I have read it over and over again. I think there are parts I'm afraid of and trying to work it through.
I hope you find your way. It sounds like you've at least found the flashlight to look for the path.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by crushedout on November 12, 2004, at 10:42:11
In reply to Re: Glimmers of beyond ... what next? » crushedout, posted by Daisym on November 12, 2004, at 10:30:32
No, I've never heard of it, but maybe I'll get it. I'm a little scared it'll be too painful for me right now. But it sounds wonderful.
Posted by Rigby on November 12, 2004, at 12:00:32
In reply to Glimmers of beyond ... what next?, posted by crushedout on November 11, 2004, at 23:15:27
Hi Crushed,
I think you're doing great. And it seems like this is one you're gonna have to feel your way through, day by day--which you're doing now and doing well at.
My gut feel on seeing your first therapist is that, if you can stay away, the longer the better, it may help. I think time/distance can truly help. And it seems like you make better headway away from your first therapist. And seeing her again may undo that?
What do you think?
Rigby
> I guess things have been going pretty well. The break from my T (for all those who know *my* saga) seems to be doing me good. I feel like I'm getting small glimmers of life beyond her. It's like she's cast this huge shadow over my life and the light is now only *beginning* to peek through the cracks. Maybe. It's kind of a relief.
>
> I still have so much to figure out with the consulting T, though. Whether, and if so, when, to see T1 again. Whether to terminate if I do see her. How to terminate. Do I need to have someone else lined up first? Do I need to be in therapy? What do I tell T1? Do I lay blame or is that not helpful? Do I express anger at her for her failing me, for hurting me, for being so careless with my fragile self? Do I do it in a letter?
>
> I'm scheduled to see consulting T on Monday, then I have an appointment with T1 on Thursday. I don't know if I should cancel, try to put her off, or what. I guess I'll have to try to figure that out with the T on Monday. But if you guys have thoughts, they are more than welcome.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 12, 2004, at 16:30:36
In reply to Glimmers of beyond ... what next?, posted by crushedout on November 11, 2004, at 23:15:27
> I guess things have been going pretty well. The break from my T (for all those who know *my* saga) seems to be doing me good. I feel like I'm getting small glimmers of life beyond her. It's like she's cast this huge shadow over my life and the light is now only *beginning* to peek through the cracks. Maybe. It's kind of a relief.
Wow, that sounds great! There is light at the end of the tunnel and it sounds like you are starting to be able to move on a little.
> I still have so much to figure out with the consulting T, though. Whether, and if so, when, to see T1 again. Whether to terminate if I do see her. How to terminate. Do I need to have someone else lined up first? Do I need to be in therapy? What do I tell T1? Do I lay blame or is that not helpful? Do I express anger at her for her failing me, for hurting me, for being so careless with my fragile self? Do I do it in a letter?It sounds to me like you are much better off without her. From what I do know about your situation it sounds like your therapy relationship got pretty intense there from both sides and that you would be better off with someone who is a little more centered with their own boundaries. I don't think that blame helps very much (it just results in anger) though you probably do need to talk through what happened with your new therapist at some point. It sounds like there is (understandably) a lot of hurt there.
I am fond of emails myself. Seeing her again might just bring back all those feelings. I am not sure that would be helpful for you in the long run.
Keep us informed of what happens for you.
All the best.
Posted by crushedout on November 12, 2004, at 17:23:19
In reply to Re: Glimmers of beyond ... what next? » crushedout, posted by Rigby on November 12, 2004, at 12:00:32
> I think you're doing great. And it seems like this is one you're gonna have to feel your way through, day by day--which you're doing now and doing well at.
Thanks, Rigby. Yes, I think you're absolutely right. I have to feel my way through, day by day, and that's what I've been doing, and it seems to be working. I kind of have to just take a leap of faith and trust that I'm going to know the right thing to do when the time comes to do it. Which is a little scary, but I don't have much choice. I can't rush it.
> My gut feel on seeing your first therapist is that, if you can stay away, the longer the better, it may help. I think time/distance can truly help. And it seems like you make better headway away from your first therapist. And seeing her again may undo that?
>
> What do you think?Yeah, I think I agree. I think the break has done me good, and more break will do me more good. But I don't have to decide right now -- I can wait till Monday, after I see the other T and talk more about things. You never know what that will clear up for me in my head.
I *am* afraid that seeing her will undo the progress I've made, the perspective I've achieved, and throw me back into ambivalence, confusion, and uncertainty. Not to mention the pain and heartache and longing.
Now the question will be: how do I tell her? She's going to try to suck me back in, I'm pretty sure. By email or phone or whatever. Like she did last time. But we can address that question later, I guess, after I figure out for sure what I'm doing.
Posted by fallsfall on November 13, 2004, at 14:40:45
In reply to Re: Glimmers of beyond ... what next? » Rigby, posted by crushedout on November 12, 2004, at 17:23:19
You really are doing wonderfully. Talk to your transitional therapist about whether you should see T1 on Thursday. Take your time.
I had given my therapist a letter explaining why I was going to look for a new therapist before I started interviewing (but it became clear to me that she never understood the letter). This is the voicemail I left for my therapist when I quit. She didn't call me back.
Hi [therapist],
This is Fallsfall.
I asked [Receptioninst] to cancel the rest of my appointments with you.
I did start therapy with [new therapist]. I've seen him twice now, in addition to the original interview. I think that we'll work well together.
You taught me so many important things - things I'll use for the rest of my life.
Thank you!
This is the end of the thread.
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