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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Froso on November 7, 2004, at 11:08:41
Last thursday I told my therapist that I don't like it that I need her so much. It was the first time I expressed something like that, my dependence on her. And she told me it's up to me to need her less and asked me how our relationship would be if I didn't need her. I said there wouldn't be a relationship and then it was the end of the session. I can't stop thinking about it and feel like an idiot not only because I'm so dependent but also because I told her. Is it normal? How will I be able to live without her? Does a time come when you don't need your T anymore?
Posted by underthecs on November 7, 2004, at 11:22:47
In reply to told her I need her but felt bad afterwards, posted by Froso on November 7, 2004, at 11:08:41
Yes, I think it's normal and even necessary in many cases. As far as your questions about how you will be able to live w/o her and will there be a time you don't need your T anymore, I haven't gotten that far. But mine reassures me that yes, it's normal, I will be able to live w/o him when I am ready to, and there will be a time I won't need him so intensely. So for the time being, I am learning to enjoy it and let it evolve and change as situations dictate. You're so not alone w/this issue. I'm glad you posted.
Posted by cubic_me on November 7, 2004, at 13:25:09
In reply to told her I need her but felt bad afterwards, posted by Froso on November 7, 2004, at 11:08:41
Froso, I felt dependent on my T for a year or so, and I was very uncomfortable with it, but as I got a little better I began to reassure myself in the same way that she reassured me and I gained some support outside therapy (which I would never have been able to do before). By the time I left I was *much* less dependent on her, and although it was sad to leave, it was by no means unbearable.
Posted by lifeworthliving on November 7, 2004, at 13:44:39
In reply to told her I need her but felt bad afterwards, posted by Froso on November 7, 2004, at 11:08:41
froso,
if it helps, please know that i've managed to endure a fairly intense dependency on my therapist and be better for it, i think. i thought i would go crazy thinking about her, etc. i was fortunate to have twice weekly therapy so i knew that i only had to "make it" another three or four days at the most. my attachement to her isn't so intense anymore but i still feel somewhat depserate if i think about life without her. my biggest fear has been not being able to find her if i need her. she's always been very thoughtful and respectful by giving me numbers (knowing i would never call?)so everything she has done is helpful to me. is your therapist willing to talk about this? i was always afraid i would scare mine (heck, it scared me!) and that i would lose so i wasn't always as honest as i could have been but i think she knows the intensity. i go once a week now and while it was hard at first because i missed her i know it doesn't mean i should still be going more often. i don't think i would go more often at thsi point if given the opportunity. and thats progressing because i used to think i would die if i had to live without her. now it's like i know i can live without her and i won't die, but i don't want to have to live without her. i guess it feels more reasonable to me now making it easier to live with myself. i like it much better here. whew. i bet you will be fine. much of what i've read indicates therapy is working when this happens?
Posted by Froso on November 8, 2004, at 2:13:38
In reply to Re: told her I need her but felt bad afterwards, posted by lifeworthliving on November 7, 2004, at 13:44:39
Maybe it's because I'm not working at the moment and I have so much time to think and fantasizing I'm talking to her about all these things I don't tell her at the end when I'm there. I see her twice a week and the time before the weekend is the hardest as I have to wait for five days until I see her again. She has given me her mobile number as well but I've never called. I actually called her once at her office but that was when I had stopped the medication and I was having racing thoughts and couldn't stop my mind but of course I felt horrible afterwards like a little kid. Now I'm back on my medication but on a lesser dose fortunately. She is a psychiatrist so she takes care about that too which makes me even more dependent. I'm not even sure that therapy is working, I don't know what I should expect. My self confidence and self-esteem have reached zero and nothing seems to be working. At least I'm writing here.
Thank you for your response.
Froso
Posted by annierose on November 8, 2004, at 5:18:39
In reply to Re: told her I need her but felt bad afterwards » lifeworthliving, posted by Froso on November 8, 2004, at 2:13:38
Therapy is a long process, it can and often does take years. Don't be so hard on yourself. As long as you are able to verbalize some things you are thinking and feeling, it will work. Learning to trust your relationship with your T is probably one of the first steps, and that doesn't happen in the first few sessions.
Posted by shortelise on November 9, 2004, at 14:49:13
In reply to told her I need her but felt bad afterwards, posted by Froso on November 7, 2004, at 11:08:41
Yes, it's normal, yes, it will become less intense.
And what is the most normal is to feel like an idiot about the things we say to our therapists. I have no idea why, but we all seem to at some point smack ourselves around relentlessly for some completely normal thing we've said that we twist around into something absurd.
Of course you need your T. There you are iwht someone who is listening, who is trying to understand, who hopefully is taking your side. What's not to need? SOme of us need to see what it feels like not to be alone on this earth, alone in our feelings, alone in our experiences. That's why we seek out someone to help us, someone to stand with us and help us.
We're supposed to internalize what we learn from them, a sort of new gear we can go into that we didn;t have before - we start to shift into the old ones and then, lo!, we've got this new, more comfortable place to go. Then, slowly, we should be able to move forward on our own. Right? But it's a process that can take time, and should only be done when a person is ready.
This is my opnion, obviously. I'm just me, an analysand like you, and no "expert". But I hope this is helpful.
ShortE
Posted by Froso on November 10, 2004, at 6:05:57
In reply to normal » Froso, posted by shortelise on November 9, 2004, at 14:49:13
I wish it could be easier with not so many feelings involved.
Posted by shortelise on November 10, 2004, at 13:23:09
In reply to Thank you! » shortelise, posted by Froso on November 10, 2004, at 6:05:57
> I wish it could be easier with not so many feelings involved.
That would be like dinner without the food - not much point.
I hope you're ok, froso.
ShortE
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