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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2004, at 15:55:21
I ended up telling him at the end of this session what I had failed to disclose last session. It bothered me too much that he might be upset with me. He of course had forgotten the question. :) And he said that on further reflection, he had realized that it was asking the impossible to ask for perfect honesty.
I didn't actually think he might terminate me. But I did think that he was weighing the option of threatening to terminate me because he knew how important the relationship was to me. He didn't exactly answer whether he had considered the option. He just smiled. But he did say that he *didn't* say it and that he wouldn't terminate me.
At any rate, he didn't seem too angry when I disclosed the relationship between the means and him. I of course made clear that the connection no longer served a purpose - that I had just never changed the precise plans. And I don't think he wants me to consider the matter enough to bother changing them, although I offered. It was upsetting that I couldn't read what he did feel. I didn't feel anger from him. He said he was taken aback, or at a loss or something.
Then in his infinitely charming manner, he told me I could think about my plans all day, although he didn't think it would be a profitable expense of time, as long as I didn't act on them.
I politely informed him that it would be more efficacious to disclose the effect my suicide would have on him than it would be to give me permission to ruminate all I liked.
And he did. All in terms of how upset he would be professionally. Feeling like a failure, etc. Sigh. So I politely asked if he'd feel anything about me. Sad, anything? The man really needs to work on his guilt induction. I respond rather well to guilt. But it's got to be done better than *that*. Perhaps I could send him to my mother or father for lessons. At any rate I eventually extracted something from him that I can use next time I feel on the edge. Like pulling teeth, I tell you. Good thing I'm not overly sensitive when I'm basically secure in a relationship.
Then he goes and gives me another reason to worry by telling me that if I killed myself it might cause him to leave the profession. A decent guilt inducer, I suppose. But now I have to worry about a host of other therapy clients taking my therapist away from me. I'll be asking him how his other clients are feeling for years!
Posted by Annierose on October 22, 2004, at 16:09:45
In reply to My therapist wants a bit of sense, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2004, at 15:55:21
It sounds like a productive session. You got it all out and demanded more. Good job!! I hope your weekend is enjoyable.
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2004, at 16:17:39
In reply to Re: My therapist wants a bit of sense, posted by Annierose on October 22, 2004, at 16:09:45
Keeps them on their toes. Makes them better therapists.
I'll try, although a productive weekend would be better for me.
I hope your weekend is a good one.
Posted by Annierose on October 22, 2004, at 18:56:33
In reply to Always demand more! is my motto :) » Annierose, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2004, at 16:17:39
You're right! Keeping them on their toes is our jobs as smart and informed clients :) I am doing way way better about talking with her about our relationship, compared to years ago when I saw the same T. And I do find those conversations to be the most difficult but exhilarating ones as well.
Posted by Speaker on October 22, 2004, at 22:49:41
In reply to Re: Always demand more! is my motto :), posted by Annierose on October 22, 2004, at 18:56:33
Dinah,
You are great! I'm glad you made him answer you...they need a bit of their own behavior once in awhile.
My T was very kind today...it made me feel safe. I can't imagine their jobs...but then I can't imagine their paychecks either :).
Posted by daisym on October 23, 2004, at 2:14:35
In reply to My therapist wants a bit of sense, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2004, at 15:55:21
sometimes I think I'd like to be a fly one the wall to observe this give and take and push and pull. I'm glad you got some of the elephants out of the room. And I was glad to read that you are working through most of these suicidal thoughts.
Keep busy. I'm sure you will get it all done. What's up with your dad?
hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2004, at 6:50:31
In reply to Re: Always demand more! is my motto :), posted by Speaker on October 22, 2004, at 22:49:41
I don't think mine makes all that much. I don't think therapy is all that lucrative in most of the country. There are so many of them. It's rare to find a therapist who doesn't have time to see you within a week, around here at least. I know mine probably doesn't have a thirty hour client load. Then with insurance reimbursements, the fast pace of therapy in general with the attendant constant need to keep referral sources and constantly being interviewed by potential clients.
Not to mention insurance and rent.
$110 an hour is way more than what I make, that's for sure. But my workload is way more constant. (oh, joy)
I can't imagine their jobs, either. So many emotions directed their way. :(
I'm glad yours can make you feel safe. That's my favorite thing about mine.
Posted by Dinah on October 23, 2004, at 7:05:45
In reply to Re: My therapist wants a bit of sense » Dinah, posted by daisym on October 23, 2004, at 2:14:35
Keeping busy is the problem. I am having such difficulties concentrating. :(
I think I might give the wrong impression here sometimes. There are certainly moments like that, with push/pull. I feel safe in the relationship, and comfortable asking for what I need. When he says I've been a big part of helping him grow as a therapist, I'm quite sure he's right. I don't just leave, I try to hammer things out. But I'm also really careful with my timing and my presentation, so that I can get my point across without endangering the relationship. All that old radar my parents inadvertantly gifted me comes in really handy for that.
But the majority of the sessions are me as a needy little girl looking for warmth and safety. Sometimes I tell him I just need to sit and feel safe for a while. He's my ego glue, the sturdiest leg on my support stool.
I think I come across as more assertive than I actually am. You may be surprised if you were a fly on the wall.
Things aren't great with my Dad. I brought him for some tests yesterday. I am really worried. But I was so proud of both my parents!!! He fell yesterday and my Mom called 911 instead of me! A policeman helped him back up and told her not to feel bad about calling.
I may make it yet, if I can make this deadline. And the next one. And maybe the one after that.
Posted by fallsfall on October 23, 2004, at 13:27:32
In reply to Re: My therapist wants a bit of sense » daisym, posted by Dinah on October 23, 2004, at 7:05:45
Good for them for calling 911!!! And I'm glad that the Policeman didn't make them feel like they were burdening him. This must be a relief for you. Slowly, but surely, they will figure out how to do things on their own. You are a wonderful daughter.
Posted by Racer on October 23, 2004, at 17:32:32
In reply to My therapist wants a bit of sense, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2004, at 15:55:21
Darling Dinah, I can't read all the other responses right now, just don't have it in me. This is just me shooting off my keyboard...
Maybe he didn't want to induce guilt, because maybe he thinks that you're grown up enough to decide to live based on what it might mean to you, rather than on guilt about what it might do to him? Hm? Just my thought for the day. Now that I've gotten it out of the way, I'm going back to bed...
This is the end of the thread.
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