![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:05:12
In spite of feeling like everybody who reads me must hate me I'm going to post anyway. So if anybody thinks anything I say might upset them, please don't read this. I know I sound abrasive a lot of times, sorry I don't mean to put people off, know I can't help that, there's only so many things I can work on at once.
Grin.
Today I saw a female therapist. I know her, from before, when my adult son needed to see someone. Because of all the fallout from me, and stuff with his own relationships. I'm such a freaking bad mother but I know too that all the crap from my family and the way things were, was responsible for me having this attention problem (I won't label it, those who have it will know). Which in itself creates a lot of emotional fallout but add another failed marriage with a person who was *just like Dad*, a suspected (label - psychopath) ex- who ran away to Mexico to avoid paying child support and two step-siblings and you pretty much have boy stew.
I can't believe I said that. EMOTIONAL stew.
Frig. Now I'm in trouble with Dr. B. For saying frig. And psychopath, too, probably. Oh well, sorry Dr. Bob. And anybody else I've offended.
This is my chance to feel sorry for myself, in public, so to speak.
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:13:50
In reply to Last Therapist, posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:05:12
Turns out I don't know what I was going to say, what my point was going to be.
Oh yes. I made my last therapist very angry. Very angry. And I couldn't hear the reason why, I said, "I don't wanna hear it", and he said, "Okay." And sat down and waited patiently for me to begin. So I proceeded to be honest about giving up the phone calls, being ready to quit, and he said, "Good." (Anybody who read "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" or "Eats Shoots and Leaves" will kill me. Just a figure of speech! I know very well that my punctuation is atrocious. My spelling ain't too bad, though.
My posting limit is probably up now, can't post again now. I digressed too much and forgot what I was going to say. But I know it's important, my addled brain does know that. To me. It's important to me.
(I was about to confirm my post whenI remembered)... The world did not fall apart, my life did not come to an end, because I made a person whom I'm very afraid of and respect just a little *too* much, angry.
Progress.
BUT ... I couldn't hear the reason *why* I made him so very angry. So, that's not so good.
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:23:25
In reply to This is really long, too., posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:13:50
Hilarious, that's hilarious, that I said I respected him just a little *too* much. Because I know that he believes I DISrespected him. And in a way I certainly did, I did do that, and I did it because I HAD to do it, because he was my father, to me, in the therapy relationship. And I finally HAD to show him what he'd done to me, and my therapist played that role and I wonder if he knows that?
Posted by Annierose on October 19, 2004, at 19:36:33
In reply to Re: This is really long, too., posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:23:25
Hi Susan -
You started your first message about the new T
(female) you went to see. How did that go? Do you like her? Do you want to return to your previous T?
Posted by mair on October 19, 2004, at 20:24:21
In reply to Re: This is really long, too., posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:23:25
> "Hilarious, that's hilarious, that I said I respected him just a little *too* much. Because I know that he believes I DISrespected him. And in a way I certainly did, I did do that, and I did it because I HAD to do it, because he was my father, to me, in the therapy relationship. And I finally HAD to show him what he'd done to me, and my therapist played that role and I wonder if he knows that?"
Susan - if he was worth anything he certainly should know that. You've got me curious - about the old T and the new. Keep going.
Mair
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 22:40:31
In reply to Re: Susan, posted by Annierose on October 19, 2004, at 19:36:33
I don't think we've talked before, how nice to meet you.
I saw the woman who saw my son about 8 yrs ago. Nine. Anyway we had a wrap-up kind of session (can you imagine, eight or nine yrs later? Crazy), she thought she'd hurt my feelings at the last session with my son, and she probably had, and I'm pretty sure I felt angry with her about it for a long time but didn't know I was angry, only felt sad.
Uh-huh. So nine yrs later we have this hour together, and I remember she's this really lovely, kind person I felt immediate warmth and kinship with. Mmm. Not intimidating AT ALL, really like old friends. When she laughed, the light of friendship sparkled and it was LOVELY.
Hew-ew, I'm having, like, a mind spasm. This was SO DIFFERENT from seeing my last, male, bodily beautiful and a panther stalking way-of-walking (Geez I think I should be a lyricist, or has it been written??) therapist. I couldn't believe the day and night difference in feeling. I came out of my hour with, let's call her Bibi, feeling and knowing that transference and countertransference had taken place, in a BIG way, with, shall we say, Chuck.
Agh.
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 22:41:14
In reply to Re: This is really long, too., posted by mair on October 19, 2004, at 20:24:21
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 22:48:27
In reply to Re: This is really long, too., posted by mair on October 19, 2004, at 20:24:21
....not ever wanting to hear what he had to say, to the point that I actually took notes in session. Now I know that not everyone takes notes in session for the same REASONS, please let's not all go THERE please pleaseplease.
I also phoned him relentlessly, everytime I felt any kind of psychic discomfort, sometimes even intense what I call brain pain. Brainpain. I just couldn't tolerate the waves of pain when I remembered stuff or thought things a certain way, I KNOW there's people out there reading this who know what I'm talking about.
And when I couldn't tolerate things, he was where I went. He was daddyIneverhadneverwillhavebuthewasthe best there is.
Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 22:51:55
In reply to Mair, I DISrespected my male therapist by, posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 22:48:27
Because if not, that's really really great for me and if there is not so good I'll have to start another thread or go to another board, baby. On here. I couldn't betray Psychobabble for anyone else. PB is it, and if I ever were completely banned that'd be it for me communicating any of this stuff too. No more.
Ah.l.. now I'm weaning myself off from phoning Chuck's machine and I need to talk to PB'ers, please please please, everybody who can please help me to do that. I guess I ask for help because I always have. Always.
My male T Chuck was good to me, but even therapists have empathy blow-out, or whatever.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 20, 2004, at 0:49:09
In reply to Last Therapist, posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2004, at 19:05:12
> Fr[*]g. Now I'm in trouble with Dr. B. For saying fr[*]g.
Please don't use language that could offend others. The last time you were blocked, it was for 2 weeks, so I'm making this for another 2 weeks.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dinah on October 20, 2004, at 2:13:28
In reply to Re: blocked for 2 weeks » Susan47, posted by Dr. Bob on October 20, 2004, at 0:49:09
I thought that *was* a euphemism. It wasn't till you said otherwise that I thougth to run it thru the spellcheck for vulgarity.
I dodged a bullet on that one. I hope I can remember. Especially around the kids.
Posted by fallsfall on October 20, 2004, at 7:10:49
In reply to Re: Wow Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on October 20, 2004, at 2:13:28
I sure didn't know that "fr*g" was vulgar either! And I am about as conservative with language as you can get (I still consider s*ck to be vulgar)...
I do see that you didn't *increase* the time of her block over the last time. That does demonstrate some flexibility on your part...
But...
Posted by Annierose on October 20, 2004, at 14:36:11
In reply to Re: Wow Dr. Bob, posted by fallsfall on October 20, 2004, at 7:10:49
Susan -
Sorry you were blocked for 2 weeks! But I, too, am seeing a T that I saw years ago. Glad she still is working (we were both a lot younger) but now more wise. I guess it's a trade-off. I also have gain a better understanding AND acceptance of the process. I appreciate her so much more. I think it's worth trying again with this new (but former) T. Pose your questions to her about your former T (the good looking one ... are you the one that had the T called "Dr Eye Candy"?).
I know you can't reply. That doesn't make much sense to me. I try to stay off adminstation board. Enough politics in the news these days.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.