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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:28:55
But how can you love someone you don't trust? I just don't understand. They're not compatible. And how can you love someone who's forbidden? How can someone like *me* separate love and sex? how can anyone? He's too close to my ideal mate, I should've gone to an old old man but I'm old too so I can't even do that, should I have gone to a woman? Women scare me even more than men do sometimes. And honestly women hurt women so effectively, much more so than men can hurt women. Aaaaghghgh. I'll be glad when this is over. Life is haunting. It's necessary once you're here but it's haunting; death is always there always always always making me want to throw away all sensibilities and just *live*. What the he** is living???
Posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:44:08
In reply to I Loved my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:28:55
I apologize, someone just unzipped me and everything spilled out this is the reason I couldn't do therapy very well. It only spills out when no one is watching. I'll bet I'm not the only one.
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2004, at 16:51:49
In reply to I Loved my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:28:55
I don't think we can choose our feelings. We can only choose how we act on them.
You made the choice to pull away and who's to say you were wrong? It hurts like h*ll, I know. Unrequited love is the worst feeling in the world. I'm really sorry you're in so much pain.
But in general the pain of unrequited love does fade with time. I know that isn't of much comfort to you now. But it's true.
I wish I knew what more to say. I haven't much experience with relationships. How about another hug?
((((Susan))))
Posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 17:55:39
In reply to Re: I Loved my Therapist » Susan47, posted by Dinah on September 9, 2004, at 16:51:49
Posted by shrinking violet on September 9, 2004, at 18:21:09
In reply to Re: I Loved my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:44:08
> I apologize, someone just unzipped me and everything spilled out this is the reason I couldn't do therapy very well. It only spills out when no one is watching. I'll bet I'm not the only one.
No, you arent the only one, sweetie. I can't 'do' therapy very well either. It's so frustrating for me and my T, yet she hangs in there with me (well, so far). I sit there and cant get anything out, or if I do talk it's mostly superficial stuff. And then I'll leave and it'll all come up, like a tidal wave, and the week will be so hard, and often emotional, but then by the next appointment it all gets pushed down again.Is that what happened with your T? Was that the problem?
I feel for you sweetie,I really do. I wish I could help you. I wish I could take away the hurt. Please email me if you think I can help in any way, or if you just need an ear.
Peace,
SV
Posted by Poet on September 9, 2004, at 18:37:43
In reply to Re: I Loved my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:44:08
Hi Susan,
I don't think I do therapy well, either. I see my pdoc once a month for meds management and he keeps telling me what I should be talking about with my therapist.
I don't love either one of them, but I do understand your feelings for your former T. I truly and deeply loved a high school teacher.
Poet
Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2004, at 18:50:22
In reply to I Loved my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:28:55
I know that it doesn't feel like transference, but that is what it is. The intimacy that we get in a therapy situation is a kind of intimacy that, if found in the 'real world' probably would be part of a sexual relationship, so it is probably quite natural to have those feelings for someone who you are so intimate with.
But then therapy is, in many respects, an unequal relationship. A good therapist should be able to put their own needs and desires aside for a time and be able to hold you emotionally. But this is a phenomenon that could not continue into a real world relationship.
You have the chance to work through some of your transference stuff. Doesn't it feel wonderful to feel in love, and that doesn't change whether it is transference or real love. I think that transference is a kind of real love, it is just a kind that could not be sustained in the real world. He would become more human to you with his own needs and desired, and he would become less appealing for it. Just enjoy the wonderful intimacy that you have. I have loved many a p-doc. I felt I was floating on air for a time. Enjoy.
Posted by lonelygal on September 9, 2004, at 18:55:56
In reply to Re: I Loved my Therapist » Susan47, posted by shrinking violet on September 9, 2004, at 18:21:09
Hi SV-
That's exactly what happens to me in therapy. I can never spit anything out & it's so annoying & then afterwards I feel guilty- that its my fault, that I am doing it to myself :( .Susan-
I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I don't really know what else to say. I hope you can hang in there.
Posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 21:03:39
In reply to Re: I Loved my Therapist, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2004, at 18:50:22
I did enjoy it for a while. I allowed myself the pleasure of feeling love for someone and it really helped me in my real life. The love I imagined I felt for my therapist was projected onto my children, my husband, my friends... it was fabulous and I wish I could've held onto that forever. Did you know though that he fired me? Well, I actually asked him to deny me any more visits (it's a good thing because my plan stopped paying) but I honestly don't think that's why he let me go. He just decided it was best for him and I can understand why. I was not nice, I was not easy, I did not play well with others. Slap my hands oh I'm more bitter than I realized.
Posted by JenStar on September 10, 2004, at 1:19:52
In reply to I Loved my Therapist, posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 16:28:55
hi Susan,
I've been away for a while (busy with work) but I was so sad to see your pain in these posts when I returned. I hope you're feeling OK! :) I'm sending virtual hugs your way!I think that many people ESPECIALLY love someone who is forbidden. It's alluring, exciting, tantalizing. It's easy to project all of our desired and "required qualities for a mate" onto this person. Still, knowing that doesn't make it any easier when I'm rejected! I'm so sorry you're in pain right now. It isn't right! Life really just ISN'T fair.
I don't know about throwing all sensibilities to the wind and just "living." I've often thought I should do just that, but the details get in the way: Where would I go? What would I do? If I run, Catherine-like, across the moor, with my hair and my scarf blowing gently in the wind as my feet fly lightly o'er the grasses, would there be a Heathcliff to catch me? Or would I catch my foot in a clod and fall and cut my lip on some old branch, and then remember that I'd squandered my saving on this adventure -- and hey, is that a sheep eating the buttons off my expensive newly-purchased itching-me-in-the-neck sweater???
Still, I would like to be more adventurous, more exciting, more glamorous.
What would you like to do if you were able to just "live"? What would your perfect adventure look like? What would you be doing?
Please write back! I'm so interested to hear your ideas.
JenStar
Posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 15:03:00
In reply to Re: I Loved my Therapist » Susan47, posted by JenStar on September 10, 2004, at 1:19:52
I haven't finished reading your post cause I can't right now but thanks and two things: maybe three: I don't think I really "love" my ex-T; you have to know someone and live around them, really, to do that; love is a verb (just my O (imo)); it's more a "feeling" of what love really is that I'm projecting towards him.
2-(sorry about the numbers I can't think too clearly right now) Why it always is the most dreadful emotionally just before I have a big insight or realization, I don't know, but that's the way it always works for me I've just gone through hell but I realize this finally; that the intensity of my feelings, whether good or bad, is no more than that; the world exists outside myself.Ah. There's another thing but this is so big I have to go process. I feel it, i feel it, I need to, you know....
Posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 15:07:28
In reply to Psst, Jenstar, posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 15:03:00
Sometimes Babble is just too much. There's so much information here it feels like I'm going to explode reading it all, taking some of it in and deciding to go back to other stuff later. There's so much of me here in Babble it's like coming home... I never thought I'd come home to a computer, welcome to the 21st century dahling. I wish I could do my work without involving a poor innocent therapist, god I feel so awful....therapists are trained to handle my kind of stuff right? Aren't they??
Posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2004, at 19:09:26
In reply to Re: Psst, Jenstar, posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 15:07:28
Hope you are hanging in there, and hope I am not adding to the boggle of babble but your situation is close to my heart.
Posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 22:17:39
In reply to Re: Psst, Jenstar, posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 15:07:28
It's close to my heart too (lol). Well chuckle me out anyway. I've practically taken over the boards here today and I'm seriously thinking of swearing and cursing in the subject line so I'll get banned. I have to learn self-discipline. I'm surprised nobody's slapped my hands yet.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2004, at 22:46:54
In reply to Re: Psst, Jenstar » Susan47, posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 22:17:39
.
Posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 23:39:11
In reply to I've been here all day too :-) (nm), posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2004, at 22:46:54
This is the end of the thread.
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