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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Susan47 on September 2, 2004, at 23:40:37
In reply to Re: Hugging and different schools of thought. » Skittles, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2004, at 1:52:11
Dinah,
Holding with his voice is a new concept for me, but it feels right. It seems that's what my T did for me, whether he attempted to do so or not. Is this holding with attitude rather than physicality a real concept, or one that we're engineering with our reactions? I mean, are Ts trained in this psychic holding concept? I'm just confused.
Posted by Susan47 on September 2, 2004, at 23:51:12
In reply to Re: Hugging and different schools of thought., posted by wheeler on August 31, 2004, at 12:59:48
Sorry for posting again, but reading Wheeler's post I was reminded that last week I had a job interview that ended in a hug. It was wonderful because this person and I just connected, even though it was the first time we'd met. I honestly don't know if that's her regular style, but she initiated it and it felt wonderful. So real human being-like.
Posted by Susan47 on September 2, 2004, at 23:55:34
In reply to Re: Hugging and different schools of thought. » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2004, at 20:16:29
I'm with you guys (girls) on the eye contact. I used to look at my therapist's shoes and his walls a lot. Sometimes the ceiling. I guess he's used to that... maybe that's why he looks wherever he wants and tends to forget that I might have eyes to see too. Funny. Very funny. LOL.
Posted by Susan47 on September 2, 2004, at 23:58:58
In reply to Re: Hugging and different schools of thought., posted by alexandra_k on August 31, 2004, at 21:13:35
Eye contact=bonding? Interesting, as I used to look into my therapist's eyes a lot in the beginning, then when I made the decision that this therapy was bad for me, and I had to stop going, I started looking away a lot. I always looked at the rug in the beginning actually. I guess it was somewhere near the middle of the relationship that I actually had the nerve to look into his eyes ... then I completely lost it. Would Calvin say "kaplooie"?
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2004, at 0:36:29
In reply to Re: Hugging and different schools of thought., posted by Susan47 on September 2, 2004, at 23:40:37
I think they receive training in techniques that create the effect. I don't know if they call it that. :)
I don't analyze it too closely. It's one of the things that I prefer to think is magic.
Posted by daisym on September 3, 2004, at 1:14:36
In reply to Re: Hugging and different schools of thought. » Susan47, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2004, at 0:36:29
I maintain eye contact unless I retelling a memory or reading something. Then I look out the window. I need the eye contact sometimes to stay in the room. I think I'm trying to see what he is thinking.
Here is something weird: I've been seeing him for 15 months, give or take. When he gave me a picture last month, I noticed he was wearing glasses. I thought, wow, he must leave them off during sessions. or wear contact lens or something. Nope. He has had on his glasses (they aren't all that noticable, wire rims) every session. I'm sure he has always had them. I guess I just look into his eyes so straight on that I stopped seeing them. I should tell him that. Except he would probably wonder what it means that I didn't see/remember them.
Laughing at myself -- Again!!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 3, 2004, at 13:45:53
In reply to Eye Contact, posted by daisym on September 3, 2004, at 1:14:36
My T would never allow me NOT to make eye contact. The few times I have avoided his eyes, he tells me to look at him, "Laurel, look at me." This doesn't happen often however since I am big on eye contact in everyday life and he has the most gorgeous brown eyes I have ever seen.
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 17:23:34
In reply to Re: Eye Contact, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 3, 2004, at 13:45:53
Ew ew ew my therapist had the more gorgeous brown eyes too. Do they all come from a special gorgeous brown-eye factory???
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 17:25:10
In reply to Re: Eye Contact, posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 17:23:34
Oh my, a Freudian slip; I should've said "most" not "more" in about post. How hilarious!
Posted by shrinking violet on September 3, 2004, at 19:36:26
In reply to Eye Contact, posted by daisym on September 3, 2004, at 1:14:36
Eye contact is difficult for me in the best of situations, but in therapy, it's close to impossible. I look at the floor, at my T's feet, at my lap, at the bookcase, at the door. I even crane my neck around sometimes to look at the window or the sunflower on my T's computer desk. I'm very conscious of my NOT looking at her, though, so I try to look into her eyes periodically, especially when she's speaking (which is quite often, lol). Sometimes she'll try to twist herself to catch my eye, or she'll ask me to look at her.
Posted by allisonf on September 3, 2004, at 21:18:34
In reply to Re: Eye Contact, posted by shrinking violet on September 3, 2004, at 19:36:26
I'm so glad I'm not alone in looking at everything but my therapist when I am in session! Sometimes I think about the eye contact issue as I'm talking and I make myself look at her, but usually not. She is so good about looking at me, but she never calls me on it when I don't look at her. It's interesting to hear some of you say your T does.
Also, I think eye contact is directly related to level of depression. I find in my most depressive periods I barely look at my T at all (or anyone else for that matter).
Oh, my T has those brown eyes too!:)
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 21:25:02
In reply to Re: Eye Contact, posted by allisonf on September 3, 2004, at 21:18:34
No offense to blue-eyes. What colour are yours?
Posted by allisonf on September 4, 2004, at 11:09:03
In reply to This is teenager-ish but, Brown eyes rule., posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 21:25:02
My eyes? Are brown too. But not as beautifully brown as my therapists! :) You would think this would make me want to look at her eyes more when I am in session. Go figure!
Posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 11:31:34
In reply to Eye Contact, posted by daisym on September 3, 2004, at 1:14:36
My T has dark brown eyes, more black really. When we get into anything deep, I look away from her. I avoid all eye contact and have covered my face with a pillow. She once covered her whole head and body with an afghan and said we're playing peek-a-boo. That got me to laugh and look at her again.
She's so wonderfully strange, that's why I like her. I guess I'm wonderfully strange, too, but I don't like me, though she says she likes me.
Poet
p.s. my eyes are dark green
Posted by Susan47 on September 4, 2004, at 22:57:27
In reply to Re: Eye Contact, posted by Poet on September 4, 2004, at 11:31:34
I just thought that was so cute about your therapist covering herself with an afghan. She sounds wonderful alright.
Posted by tinydancer on September 5, 2004, at 4:45:21
In reply to Re: Eye Contact, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 3, 2004, at 13:45:53
Okay, I have had eye contact problems since about 14 or so. I can't look anyone in the eye really. When I talk I do the famous "look past the one you are talking to" and affix my eyes to a point somewhere beyond, without really realizing I am doing this. I've gotten a little better, but it is physical painful for me to look into peoples eyes when I'm talking to them. My T usually says once in awhile, "I'm sort of missing some sense of eye contact here, Tiny..." And then I can do it. I've had to cover my eyes up in therapy sometimes to say things. It's terrible. This summer though, I got contact lenses, and its been amazing. People have been telling me how beautiful I look and how nice it is to see my eyes. The glasses I wear usually fall down my nose and land about right mid eye, so that you can't even make eye contact with me if you want to when I have my glasses on.....
I could never do contacts every day though.
Posted by Susan47 on September 5, 2004, at 9:38:17
In reply to Re: Eye Contact » Miss Honeychurch, posted by tinydancer on September 5, 2004, at 4:45:21
I used to wear contacts until I started having really dry eyes. I found the weirdest thing would happen if I stopped wearing my contacts for awhile; I'd feel exposed when I went back to wearing them again, and it *was* really difficult.
My therapist was the only person besides my dad whom I had trouble looking in the eyes. Hm. Normally I love looking in people's eyes when I talk to them. They seem to like it too; it sets up a real connection, a bond almost. I find myself talking to people more honestly when I look in their eyes. I wonder if I was being dishonest in therapy and with my father and maybe that's why I had trouble looking in their eyes? Ew ew ew.
Posted by terrics on September 6, 2004, at 21:33:11
In reply to Re: Eye Contact, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 3, 2004, at 13:45:53
I am sort of glad my T. has green eyes or I would wonder if they only take brown-eyed people in therapy school.
I give her alot of I contact because I cannot figure her out. She is so tightly woven. terrics
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 21:46:42
In reply to Re: Eye Contact/green eyes, posted by terrics on September 6, 2004, at 21:33:11
You know...I have NO idea what color eyes my T has. He sits too far away. And he also prefers a "softly lit" office. UGH. Gotta have light! That being said, I think perhaps I don't make as much eye contact, either. I definitely look away from him when I am thinking or processing. I only tend to look at him when he talks or when I am talking, if it's not too hard. But if I am "thinking out loud" I suspect I don't look at him. Hmmm, wonder what he thinks of that?
And I have light blue/green eyes. And I got into T school. ;P
warmly,
gg
Posted by Skittles on September 6, 2004, at 22:09:20
In reply to Re: Eye Contact/green eyes, posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 21:46:42
Mine has blue eyes, but I've vowed to stop looking at them. B/w sessions, I ache to see them because that's where the comfort is and I NEED to learn to find comfort in myself - somehow.
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 22:17:04
In reply to Re: Eye Contact/green eyes, posted by Skittles on September 6, 2004, at 22:09:20
I felt that way at one time. But believe it or not, in time I learned to internalize the comfort he gives. I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm much further along than I was.
I would have said that a feeling of safety was one thing I could never provide for myself, that I needed his presence for that. But I'm astonished to discover that I'm finally able to carry a bit of him along with me. A bit of that feeling of comfort and safety.
Posted by shrinking violet on September 7, 2004, at 13:13:21
In reply to Re: Eye Contact/green eyes » Skittles, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 22:17:04
My T has deep blue eyes (maybe bluish/grey). Her eyes tell so much, and her compassion and caring definitely shows in them.
I have hazel eyes. :)
Posted by antigua on September 7, 2004, at 15:11:05
In reply to Re: Eye Contact/green eyes, posted by shrinking violet on September 7, 2004, at 13:13:21
I don't have a clue what color my Ts eyes are! Hmm, wonder what that says about me!
antigua
Posted by Susan47 on September 7, 2004, at 18:16:27
In reply to eye contact, posted by antigua on September 7, 2004, at 15:11:05
....were good and funny and interesting; I loved I think it was Dinah's post about how she carries a bit of her T with her. That happened with me too and I'm beginning to think that therapists for the most part must be terrific people to be able to give us so much acceptance.
Thanks guys(gals). I'm glad they accept all eye colours in T school! :)
Posted by Klokka on September 10, 2004, at 22:38:08
In reply to Eye Contact, posted by daisym on September 3, 2004, at 1:14:36
I, too, keep forgetting that my pdoc wears glasses. Aside from when he's fidgeting with them, they're just so unnoticeable (rimless, I think) that I forget they're there entirely. (Though I do sometimes glance over and remember.) I'm sure the fact that I spend the majority of the session not looking at my pdoc doesn't help much.
I don't make eye contact very often in therapy. As I said, I spend most of the time looking away from my pdoc. He seems to spend quite some time with his eyes closed - says it's easier to think that way - so both of those factors add up. I'm also a bit uncomfortable with eye contact, for the most part, though I'm equally uncomfortable if my chair isn't tilted so that I can look at him as well as away without too much trouble. I think I just don't make very much sense.
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