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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 10:41:36
I don't post very often, but I read everyday and am inspired by the thougtfulness of those who post. I need some feedback.
I have these urges to cut my arms and whack off my hair. I understand about self-injury and I have done some of that too, but I just don't understand why I am so focused on my arms and my hair.
Can anyone shed some light on these urges for me?
Thanks.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 2, 2004, at 10:52:07
In reply to Urges, posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 10:41:36
I don't know much about this - sorry. But I put a "trigger" warning in just as a precaution. I'm sure you'll get plenty of help here.
Posted by Dinah on September 2, 2004, at 10:56:57
In reply to Urges, posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 10:41:36
I don't know why, but I get the exact same urges. Maybe they're hard wired to some extent? Or, if you're female, there is some strong significance to hair - both in terms of sexuality and identity. So it may be natural if you have conflicts in those areas to immediately want to harm the hair.
Posted by tinydancer on September 2, 2004, at 13:08:49
In reply to Urges, posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 10:41:36
Hi Rocky. I'm in treatment for self injury myself, amongst other things, hopefully I can answer some of your questions to some degree for you.
Self injury is very ritualistic, so that when you experience a trigger (whatever that may be for you) you will automatically focus on the places that you perhaps have hurt before. The whole ritual of self injury is the essence of its addictive quality. Self injury to the arms is very common, I think one of the most common places amongst self injurers.
Are you wondering about why you had an urge in the first place to cut your arm, and cut off your hair, or why you continue to want to injure those areas? Logically I think that the arm is a common place because its the most visible to us.
Cutting your hair is symbolic for women, definitley, as Dinah said. It's sort of a way to destroy our femininity, repress or deny our femininity, or even as a way to detach from an event or relationship. It's like shedding skin. Or even a way to spite another person, even yourself, if you have beautiful long locks, its a form of punishment if you force yourself to cut it off.
When you have the urges, what do you feel like right before? What are the actual feelings, if you can name them, that you are experiencing?
Posted by B2chica on September 2, 2004, at 13:24:19
In reply to Urges, posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 10:41:36
Hi Rm, very glad you are posting this. My first words of advice are remember that Urges and Actions are separate and you should fight to keep them separate as long as you can. It's ok to have thoughts and urges, try not to cross the line to harming yourself. 1)it may bring about other emotions within you (ex.guilt, regret, low/er self-esteem etc.) 2) i have found it addictive and VERY hard to stop once you cross that line to starting.
also, the focus on your arms and hair are certainly symbolic. I'm not good with words but sometimes i "people" feel like their hands have failed them in terms of maybe fighting back, or stopping something from happening no matter what it may be. also a sense of being bound a feeling of helplessness- a person may have much anger at this. These feelings are all valid and important and should be felt but they also should be explored with the guidance of a professional. Are you seeing a T?
Some are really funny about SI. Mine is great about it though so i lucked out. Actually i tend to push people away..."test" them. so after only a couple meetings with my T i told him right off that i SI and i had no immediate intention to stop. I was waiting for him to say "then i can't deal with you or help you" but he never has.
Anyway.
Please keep posting here on babble, when you feel these urges. I find that if i journal it can help, i may literally describe every second of what i want to do in extreme detail. i also paint/sketch, i've done a lot of this lately. Sometimes i draw hands or arms or legs with open wounds on them, but be careful, at the time this usually helps but sometimes if i look back at them it may trigger me to want to SI. Also, try exercise-i like the treadmill. Maybe even try using red food coloring or red marker where you would want to cut.
these are all little tips tricks to avoid actually SI.
But you are right on the ball here, cuz there is a reason for these urges and you need to explore it's reasons.Please take care.
b2c.
> I have these urges to cut my arms and whack off my hair. I understand about self-injury and I have done some of that too, but I just don't understand why I am so focused on my arms and my hair.
> Can anyone shed some light on these urges for me?
Posted by cubic_me on September 2, 2004, at 16:50:09
In reply to Re: Urges**Trigger** » rockymtnhi, posted by B2chica on September 2, 2004, at 13:24:19
The thoughts and advice in the threads above is spot on, and it's great you feel able to talk a bit here.
I was just wondering what makes these urges feel so different from your previous experience with SI? Is it because it is so focuses on these two parts of you, or something else?
I have self injured on and off for quite a few years, and have often felt my urges to do it focus on my arms. I used to think that it was because of their easy access, but I'm not so sure now. All but once I have resisted the urge to cut anywhere on my arms that cannot be concealed by my thick strapped watch or bracelets, however I still often want to cut my lower arm, so for me it is not ritualistic in that sense. When I really concentrate on where I feel emotion, i can often feel the pain inside radiating down my arms to my fingertips, with the most intense pain in the muscles a couple of inches below the elbow, and now I realise that this is probably why I want to cut there so much - to change the emotional pain to physical.
I'm sorry to talk about myself so much in a response to your post - I was just hoping that it might help you realise why you focus on your arms and hair.
Good luck
Posted by Starlight on September 2, 2004, at 16:51:33
In reply to Re: Urges ? rockymtnhi, posted by tinydancer on September 2, 2004, at 13:08:49
Cutting your hair is also away of cutting away your memories. Your life, the things you eat, inhale, etc are held in your hair. When you cut it all off, you're cleansing yourself of the past.
Whenever I was in emotional tumult my hair was always the first thing to go. Once I shaved off 17 inches of beautiful long hair and took it down to a half of an inch. My husband was freaked! But it did make me feel like a monk and people dealt with me very differently. They were very open with me. It was cool and strange and an interesting thing to experience. It's back super long now and I wouldn't do that again. Now, when I get the urge to do something to it, I temper it. I wanted to blond in my hair earlier this year, so my compromise was to do it to just 3 sections and in the end, I hated it and was glad that I only did a small portion. Whew!
starlight
Posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 17:54:47
In reply to Re: Urges **trigger for above post** » rockymtnhi, posted by partlycloudy on September 2, 2004, at 10:52:07
> Thank you for being so considerate of others with the **trigger.** I appreciate it.
I don't know much about this - sorry. But I put a "trigger" warning in just as a precaution. I'm sure you'll get plenty of help here.
>
Posted by rockymtnhi on September 2, 2004, at 17:58:09
In reply to Re: Urges, posted by Starlight on September 2, 2004, at 16:51:33
Thanks for the feedback. It really helps. I would not have been able to put together some of those very insightful things on my own.
My T knows some of it but not all of it. I wish that I could just go in and blurt it all out. It helped that I was able bring it up with the babblers.
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 0:26:15
In reply to Re: Urges **possible trigger** » rockymtnhi, posted by Dinah on September 2, 2004, at 10:56:57
Ew ew ew this all sounds so familiar! Thanks for posting everybody, now I know I'm not the only one who does this compulsive cutting of hair ... thank you ty ty.
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 0:28:56
In reply to Re: Urges » rockymtnhi, posted by tinydancer on September 2, 2004, at 13:08:49
Tinydancer - Anxiety. Sorry for posting endlessly, but this is my therapy today.
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 0:35:51
In reply to Re: Urges**Trigger** » rockymtnhi, posted by B2chica on September 2, 2004, at 13:24:19
B2C,
Reading your post reminded me of a dream I had when I was about five. It was so intense, it's never left me, I think about it frequently to this day many many years later. It's really affected my life, and maybe the feelings that sparked the dream should've been dealt with. The dream was that every member of my family had knives and were cutting chunks out of me, then laughing. I was a bloody mess, just walking wounded flesh and blood, big chunks out of me. Everywhere. Arms, legs, body, head ... No part of me was safe from their knives. And they laughed at me! I never understood the significance of that dream but I started having some weird mind experiences about that time .. like walking dreams, I guess maybe you could call them halluc*******ns. Agh.
Posted by thewrite1 on September 3, 2004, at 12:45:53
In reply to Re: Urges**Trigger**, posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 0:35:51
I tend to SI when everything feels out of control. That seems to be one thing I know I can control. I've also been known to get tattoos. I haven't done it in awhile, but I have had the urges. When the urges hit me, I try to find something that requires a lot of attention from me--something to take my mind off of it until the urge passes. It doesn't always work, but it's worth a try. You could try calling a friend, reading a book, or trying a new recipe. I find sorting things helps me. I don't know what that's about, but it works.
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 17:37:11
In reply to Re: Urges**Trigger**, posted by thewrite1 on September 3, 2004, at 12:45:53
Believe it or not, the thing that helps me a lot is doing jigsaw puzzles. It seems to satisfy an urge to order things, which calms my anxiety quite a bit. Trouble is, it's habit-forming, just like smoking cigarettes or Babbling.
Posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 17:38:46
In reply to Re: Urges**Trigger**, posted by Susan47 on September 3, 2004, at 17:37:11
This is the end of the thread.
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