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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on August 26, 2004, at 8:14:55
Yesterday I sat with both my regular therapist and the EMDR therapist with whom I've been getting treatment. We recapped what brought me to the treatment; the different life events and the emotional charges that were addressed, and my past few weeks' experiences.
I printed out what I'd posted on Dinah's thread above about where I've been where I am and where I want to be. It was instrumental in clarifying the goals I still have.
I felt like a Formula One car with a precision team working on me - in very capable hands.
I noticed that the events from my holiday last week that upset me so have already subsided in their emotional impact - I've already been able to move on from it and it's not nagging the back of my brain. This can be directly attributed to the EMDR letting me process the emotions and put the experiences behind me. It's the first time in at least 10 years that I've been able to do that. I was expecting someone to stick a gold star on my forehead for that, but beaming smiles were reward enough.
How can I possibly express my gratitude to the Babblers for helping me on this journey? There aren't words adequate enough to describe the love, acceptance, and understanding I have found here. This journey is nowhere near ending for me yet. Now, though, I can see that I have come a very far way indeed.
I'm the most fortunate woman in the world.
Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2004, at 9:00:39
In reply to Double-barreled therapists, posted by partlycloudy on August 26, 2004, at 8:14:55
And her therapists. :)
I think that part of what therapy does is help us get past our inevitable lapses (or other people's inevitable lapses) a bit better. I'm glad your EMDR is helping you do that.
And I'm glad the post helped!
Mine helped me clarify things a bit, too. Although I'm not sure it's in a direction I like. I keep getting more evidence that I'm moving to the separation/individuation phase of therapy against my will. :(
Posted by Racer on August 26, 2004, at 10:56:21
In reply to Double-barreled therapists, posted by partlycloudy on August 26, 2004, at 8:14:55
>
> I'm the most fortunate woman in the world.
>
This is a bit of a tangent, but it's something that I waffle with myself a lot about. "Oh, it's so pathetic, you sit at home, all alone, won't leave the house -- and feel better because some people you might not ever speak to IRL are nice to you?" Then I realize that this is the boon of the internet, as well as it's very real downside: yeah, some people can get to where they 'mistake' this for real life, but it's also possible for a lot of us here to find something we just plain ain't capable of finding in real life.For me, in person, it's so deeply internalized that I *need* to hide myself in order to survive, that I really never show what you guys see every post to anyone who hasn't known me long enough to get past The Great OZ to see the little Racer behind the curtain. Yeah, it's easier now than it was 20 years ago to remind myself to learn to show this me to people when I can manage it, but you know what? It's still easier still to form a more 'real' bond for me with people I've met in writing or via telephone first.
(My evil-twin/soulmate/is it justifiable homicide/husband and I met online, by the way. Then telephone. Finally met face to face and I knew on the second face to face that this was the man I was *meant* to marry. Every second that I don't want to throttle him and many seconds that I do, I still feel that way about him. Maybe it's what Dinah said elsewhere: despite the costs, the benefits are worth it.)
So, we're all very, very fortunate we found our little tribe here.
As for the other stuff, I kinda don't think you really *need* anyone to chuff you up, because it sounds as if you're really and truly chuffing yourself on it and that's what's most magically satisfying.
So, my other reason for adding in: after teaching my first section of Adult Ed Basic Computer class some years back, I went to the local stationary store and bought those gold stars! After that, at least once in every first or second class session, *someone* would get a gold star stuck on his or her forehead during the first half of the class. That, and figuring out that the best first lesson for most of the students was "Open MS Paint and use the mouse to write your name" because then I could reassure them from the get go that the first day of kindergarten that pencil felt just as alien, but it was so long ago they couldn't remember. The mouse would feel natural before they knew it, just like that pencil does now. Those were really the two things I think I am still most proud of as a teacher -- finding a solution to a real but amorphous kinda issue in those classes.
OK. Done now.
Nope. Not a wink. How could you tell? Think my therapist will notice today?
Posted by partlycloudy on August 26, 2004, at 12:04:52
In reply to Re: Double-barreled therapists » partlycloudy, posted by Racer on August 26, 2004, at 10:56:21
If anything, I'm the kind of person who opens up so much, and so easily, that it scares people IRL away. It's definitely a behaviour of approval-seeking. Another DIY project, of course...
I love reading your posts, Racer. Use all the words you want to. There are plenty to go around, and infinite combinations.
Posted by Racer on August 26, 2004, at 18:15:50
In reply to Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain » Racer, posted by partlycloudy on August 26, 2004, at 12:04:52
Currently on two nights without sleep, speeding out of my brain from it, but my mood is bright and sunny to the extent that it can be anything...
(VERY funny bit from the movie Blue Collar Comedy Tour: Ron White telling about getting thrown out of a bar, then arrested for being drunk "in Public-k" and teling the cops to arrest the bouncers because he didn't want to be drunk "in Public-k" -- he wanted to be drunk in the bar, which is legal. The cops slapped the cuffs on him -- "at which point, I had the right to remain silent. But I didn't have the ability." That describes me today pretty well...)
Anyway, that epiphany was that I use the words as a defense shield. IRL and in writing. I shoot out this barrage of words so that *I* won't be seen. Like camoflage? (sp?)
That's been in my head a while, I think, trying to percolate up to the surface, which I think is why I do apologize for meandering and writing such long posts.
So, is utter sleep deprivation and all that goes along with it the perfect anti-depressant/therapy augmentation tool for me?
Or am I just Froot Loops?
PC -- thank you. It means a lot to me to hear that.
Posted by DaisyM on August 26, 2004, at 18:37:18
In reply to had an epiphany about the wordiness thing » partlycloudy, posted by Racer on August 26, 2004, at 18:15:50
I use words as a shield too. I can talk my way around and out of anything...well almost. That is why I HATE the dentist. I lose my best weapon. In fact, it has been relatively traumatic for me to go to the dentist this year, being so open and vulnerable.
My therapist knows about my tendency to get long winded when I've avoiding something important and I'm really good at it. It took him awhile to catch on but now he calls me on it.
Writing is a whole 'nother animal for me. I write tons too, but I usually get way deeper and more emotional in my writing. Which is why I love Babble and hate the phone. My therapist has figured this out too, which is why he now asks, "did you write about this? Can you bring it in and share it with me?" The times I have shared my writings, actually read out-loud stuff, have been intensely emotional and exhausting sessions. He loves that...tells me it really is like a window into my soul.
I agree with everyone else. I like the way you write. Don't be brief unless you want to. It is nice to see you posting again, btw.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 26, 2004, at 20:09:28
In reply to Re: had an epiphany about the wordiness thing, posted by DaisyM on August 26, 2004, at 18:37:18
Posted by crazymaisie on August 26, 2004, at 23:03:39
In reply to Double-barreled therapists, posted by partlycloudy on August 26, 2004, at 8:14:55
pc
thanks for your uplifting post. i'm so happy for you that you can see the progress, and it makes me feel so hopeful for me too. i read some of your posts about your holiday in another thread and it sounded so familiar.
good for you
keep up the good workcm
This is the end of the thread.
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