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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by underthecs on August 21, 2004, at 23:51:55
how does one just go from being content and happy one day to being suicidal and sitting here with a knife drawing blood the next? how does this happen? when i woke up this morning, i could not get out of bed and haven't except to go to the bathroom once. i can't eat (don't want to anyway) and i can't stop crying. don't know why. what i really, really want is to be dead. not to kill myself, but to just not wake up. i don't want to tell my therapist because he already thinks i'm a lot of work (i am) and i don't respond very well to traditional therapy techniques like others do. i am way more challenging than that and i feel like such a huge burden to him. i don't want to be a burden to him anymore. so there's nobody.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 22, 2004, at 0:06:26
In reply to mood swings **MAY TRIGGER**, posted by underthecs on August 21, 2004, at 23:51:55
There is no one? What are we, chopped liver?
I have days like that, where I just seem too tired to go on. It does pass, and then there will be good days. But I don't keep knives near me when I'm feeling like that. I know how much it would upset my daughter if I did anything like that. She was so troubled when I was a lush, and now that I'm not we are so close.
And so what if you are a lot of work for your therapist! If you had it together, you wouldn't be there in the first place.
So, please put the knife away and promise me you won't do anything.
Posted by shortelise on August 22, 2004, at 1:28:39
In reply to Re: mood swings **MAY TRIGGER**, posted by AuntieMel on August 22, 2004, at 0:06:26
I know nothing, I am not a T, I am not you, I am not your T, I don't know about your relationship, and I am no expert on anything but food. (And incidently, we are NOT chopped liver!)
BUT but but --- what purpose does it serve to be alone? You have your therapist, he exists for the likes of you (and me) and if you're a "burden" to him, if he can't handle a patient in the throes of deep need, he should change careers, dagnabbit!
Do you respect this therapist? Do you think he's good at his job? Do you think he's a decent therapist? A good person?
If you answer yes to those questions, then could you let him do his job, and when you can, tell him all?
Imagine of you went to a medical doc with an illness but refused to tell him where and when it hurt! He couldn't help much ... could he?This is encouragement to use the resources you have. We (the not-chopped-liver "we") are here, and so is your T. The world doesn't have to be a vast lonliness.
(())
ShortE
Posted by Susan47 on August 22, 2004, at 10:30:56
In reply to mood swings **MAY TRIGGER**, posted by underthecs on August 21, 2004, at 23:51:55
How are you feeling today? You really helped me when I was needing you a couple of days ago, so please don't hurt yourself anymore. Please talk some more, I want to understand what you're going through.
Posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2004, at 12:27:51
In reply to mood swings **MAY TRIGGER**, posted by underthecs on August 21, 2004, at 23:51:55
I don't think that your desire to "just not wake up" is particularly unusual. But I do think it is a warning - a signal that you need to do something to reverse the trend. I hope that you can choose to continue reaching out (like you did by your post), and let the people in the world (Babble, family, friends, therapist) grab hold of you and pull you back into world. Then you have the chance to *consider* what you want to do - rather than being at the mercy of... ??something?? We should choose the destiny of our lives.
You are not a burden to your therapist - this is his/her chosen job. I guess I keep telling myself that if I didn't bring my therapist "challenges" that he would be bored - that I am doing him a service by bringing him my difficultness because it allows him to have a time when he feels successful and satisfied (and if he didn't have to work so hard to be successful, it wouldn't be as satisfying). (Hey, he has a pretty big ego and this thinking does let me justify being really honest with him - I think it works for both of us)
P.S. I wrote you a longer response, but I don't want to post it. If you want to send me your email address I will email it to you. I'm babble fallsfall - a hotmail account.
Posted by underthecs on August 22, 2004, at 14:05:04
In reply to Re: mood swings **MAY TRIGGER** » underthecs, posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2004, at 12:27:51
Falls: I tried to email you but it came back as undeliverable. The error message said:
>does not like recipient.
>Requested action not taken: mailbox unavailable
>Giving upHow dumb that I read "does not like recipient" and it actually made me sad for a minute. Ugh! I know that's so dumb, but...!
my email address is only slightly different than my posting name: underthcs at yahoo
Thank you everyone for posting. I will respond tonight. I'm trying as much distraction as possible. Actually made it out of the house today and am at work with my husband. Which is much better than yesterday, when I only got out of bed to pee!
Posted by JenStar on August 23, 2004, at 11:13:49
In reply to Re: mood swings **MAY TRIGGER** » fallsfall, posted by underthecs on August 22, 2004, at 14:05:04
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Pls continue to post and tell us how you're doing.
And now for a bit of lame humor, which i try to inject places hoping it will give people even a teensy little laugh:
At least you made it OUT OF BED to pee. Think about how much worse your day could have gone if you had stayed IN bed for that....!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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