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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 16:23:00
Hi all,I've been away from Babble for over a month. It may be premature to say this, but I think I may finally be over the extremely long erotic transference toward my T. Part of it is that my new boyfriend (who's a therapist) has helped me see all the ways she's sucked as a T, and part of it is that she's really been f'ing up lately, corroborating my boyfriend's arguments for me.
When I saw her yesterday, I didn't feel attracted to her at all, I don't think.
That's all really wonderful.
The bad part is that she might really suck as a T and I might have to fire her. We kind of smoothed things over yesterday so I'm still seeing where this all goes, but I have major reservations.
Just wanted to let you all know, since as those of you who know my saga know, these are huge, long-awaited developments, if not entirely positive ones.
Posted by fallsfall on August 11, 2004, at 17:06:00
In reply to Could it really be over?, posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 16:23:00
I wish you the best CrushedOut. Thanks for letting us know how things are going.
Posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 17:11:36
In reply to Re: Could it really be over? » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on August 11, 2004, at 17:06:00
Posted by Rigby on August 11, 2004, at 20:03:58
In reply to Could it really be over?, posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 16:23:00
How or do you think life would be at all changed in your new relationship if you split from your therapist? I ask because I wonder if there's any sort of connection between him and her (they're both therapists!)
Just off the top of my head.
Hoping other stuff's going well for you.
Best,
Rigby
> Hi all,
>
> I've been away from Babble for over a month. It may be premature to say this, but I think I may finally be over the extremely long erotic transference toward my T. Part of it is that my new boyfriend (who's a therapist) has helped me see all the ways she's sucked as a T, and part of it is that she's really been f'ing up lately, corroborating my boyfriend's arguments for me.
>
> When I saw her yesterday, I didn't feel attracted to her at all, I don't think.
>
> That's all really wonderful.
>
> The bad part is that she might really suck as a T and I might have to fire her. We kind of smoothed things over yesterday so I'm still seeing where this all goes, but I have major reservations.
>
> Just wanted to let you all know, since as those of you who know my saga know, these are huge, long-awaited developments, if not entirely positive ones.
>
>
Posted by gardenergirl on August 11, 2004, at 20:32:11
In reply to Re: Could it really be over?, posted by Rigby on August 11, 2004, at 20:03:58
Wow,
Thanks for letting us know. It's good to hear from you. You know, you can almost tell from you post that your feelings are not as intense, if not over. You sound very calm and grounded in this to me. If that is true, I think that is wonderful whatever you decide to do!Take care,
gg
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2004, at 20:37:06
In reply to Could it really be over?, posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 16:23:00
I think they *are* wonderfully positive. Perhaps disappointing, but definitely positive. There was a time when you wouldn't have cared how bad she was as a therapist, and now you're being an advocate for yourself.
I can't see a single thing that's less than positive in that.
It must have been a lot of hard work to get to this point. I really respect that.
Good luck, Crushed. And thanks for letting us know.
Posted by tabitha on August 12, 2004, at 0:27:16
In reply to Could it really be over?, posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 16:23:00
Hey crushed, I'd been wondering about you. Glad you popped in. Good to hear things are changing for you, sounds like it's for the better. I just fired my group, and I may fire the T, I'm not sure. Finally the clouds are clearing.
Posted by lookdownfish on August 12, 2004, at 6:59:20
In reply to Could it really be over?, posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 16:23:00
That's great news. What do you think she has been f'ing up? Is it because she encouraged your feelings? As I remember, she had shakey boundaries.
Posted by crushedout on August 12, 2004, at 16:32:59
In reply to Re: Could it really be over?, posted by Rigby on August 11, 2004, at 20:03:58
Thanks, Rigby. Hmm, well, it kind of scares me if I split with the T because I feel like my boyfriend would then become my sole support system and that just seems like a lot of pressure to put on any relationship, much more one this new. And, although I would get another therapist, it takes a while to establish a connection (sometimes I never do) so I can't just replace her like that.
I'm really not sure it's over. I'm just closer than I've ever been, but she and I have been repairing things so I dunno. The boyfriend really thinks I should dump her. And it's not because he's jealous -- oddly, he isn't (he's not the jealous type).
> How or do you think life would be at all changed in your new relationship if you split from your therapist? I ask because I wonder if there's any sort of connection between him and her (they're both therapists!)
>
> Just off the top of my head.
>
> Hoping other stuff's going well for you.
>
> Best,
>
> Rigby
>
>
> > Hi all,
> >
> > I've been away from Babble for over a month. It may be premature to say this, but I think I may finally be over the extremely long erotic transference toward my T. Part of it is that my new boyfriend (who's a therapist) has helped me see all the ways she's sucked as a T, and part of it is that she's really been f'ing up lately, corroborating my boyfriend's arguments for me.
> >
> > When I saw her yesterday, I didn't feel attracted to her at all, I don't think.
> >
> > That's all really wonderful.
> >
> > The bad part is that she might really suck as a T and I might have to fire her. We kind of smoothed things over yesterday so I'm still seeing where this all goes, but I have major reservations.
> >
> > Just wanted to let you all know, since as those of you who know my saga know, these are huge, long-awaited developments, if not entirely positive ones.
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by crushedout on August 12, 2004, at 16:42:32
In reply to Re: Could it really be over?, posted by lookdownfish on August 12, 2004, at 6:59:20
Oh, man, so many things, really. And yes, she has had poor boundaries and bad judgment often. I think she has encouraged my feelings (I'd go so far as to say I think she has seduced me, even if it was mostly subconsciously).
But lately, well, last week, she really acted out. I was mad at her for blaming me for her feelings of responsibility (if that makes any sense) the previous week and I expressed this to her, and she got extremely defensive and attacked me. She's admitted since then that she failed to empathize and that she said things to me that were not therapeutic but were designed solely to defend herself, but still. It's messed up.
She keeps saying her goal is to help me see her as a flawed person (my boyfriend says she doesn't get paid only to be flawed -- I've got everyone else in my life doing that for free -- but she seems to think that's her main job). So, finally, I express anger and disappointment in her and instead of helping me deal with it or integrate it or whatever, she can't handle it because her ego's too fragile and she gets defensive.
Can you tell I'm still angry?
Anyway, it's probably really healthy for me to feel this way.
> That's great news. What do you think she has been f'ing up? Is it because she encouraged your feelings? As I remember, she had shakey boundaries.
Posted by crushedout on August 12, 2004, at 16:44:54
In reply to Re: Could it really be over?, posted by gardenergirl on August 11, 2004, at 20:32:11
Thanks, gg. Like I said, it might be premature to be saying it's really over. Today she brought up her relationship with her husband and I felt bad. So, I'm not sure. But some important progress has been made, I guess.
Posted by crushedout on August 12, 2004, at 16:48:03
In reply to Re: Could it really be over? » crushedout, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2004, at 20:37:06
Yeah, you're right, Dinah. It *is* really positive. And it was hard.> I think they *are* wonderfully positive. Perhaps disappointing, but definitely positive. There was a time when you wouldn't have cared how bad she was as a therapist, and now you're being an advocate for yourself.
>
> I can't see a single thing that's less than positive in that.
>
> It must have been a lot of hard work to get to this point. I really respect that.
>
> Good luck, Crushed. And thanks for letting us know.
Posted by crushedout on August 12, 2004, at 16:51:20
In reply to Re: Could it really be over? » crushedout, posted by tabitha on August 12, 2004, at 0:27:16
Thanks, tabitha. It's nice to be missed. Wow, you fired your group? And on the verge of maybe firing your T also? That's big. I'm glad it sounds like you're doing better, too. Sounds like we're in similar places.
> Hey crushed, I'd been wondering about you. Glad you popped in. Good to hear things are changing for you, sounds like it's for the better. I just fired my group, and I may fire the T, I'm not sure. Finally the clouds are clearing.
Posted by Ilene on August 12, 2004, at 20:24:03
In reply to Could it really be over?, posted by crushedout on August 11, 2004, at 16:23:00
I was wondering how you were doing.
If she's not helping you anymore then you should definitely move on. It sounds like a rational decision on your part.
This is the end of the thread.
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