![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 64bowtie on August 1, 2004, at 20:01:29
All,
N O T!!!
In several posts I have mentioned that a universal wish-list contains happiness; a happy life... Only thing is I can't find anyone wanting to struggle and be happy at the same time, 'cept maybe my Mom, and now myself.
As I see it, happiness doesn't just happen. A genie in a bottle doesn't grant happiness the same way the lotto might pay off. In fact that's not a bad analogy. There are several stories about a dreadful existance after winning the lotto. Happiness doesn't mean carefree nor plenty of money.
Happiness doesn't imply comfort. The happiest people seem to be able to navigate strife and turmoil without succumbing to the social-blackmail presented by conflicts, coercion, and assault, foisted on them by destructive people, situations, and expectations.
Feel-good is also not happiness. Feel-goods are simply just that, and only last while they...... feel-good. Seems like everyone tries out spackling-over bad-feelings with feel-goods. It didn't ever work for me, and I bet it never works.
Since that moment when I noticed the difference between happiness and feel-goods, my life has forever changed, and my life is now my life. Recently an acquaintance friend of a friend accused me of being in denial or on drugs if I say my life has happiness most of the time, thereby my being happy. I care about this person but I can't afford to be around someone who can't see me for what I am, now that I know and respect what it means to be happy. Negative-people beware! I'm happy and you can't do anything to stop me now!!!
Rod
Posted by B2chica on August 2, 2004, at 10:28:38
In reply to Care-free comfort, posted by 64bowtie on August 1, 2004, at 20:01:29
> As I see it, happiness doesn't just happen. A genie in a bottle doesn't grant happiness the same way the lotto might pay off.
i agree, infact i think the happiest people are those that have met extreme obstacles.
i think that's because their threshold for happiness is more realistic and relief parallels "happiness" for possibly a more intense feeling. all i know is that i take great pleasure in the little things in life, i don't wait for the big things like buying a house or weddings or baby showers.
somedays i get a little giggle out of watching my email icon bounce up and down on my OSX dock. some days i get a huge grin when i see a cloud that REALLY DOES look like a bunny rabbit. And mostly...hehe, i always laugh when some one says do do...(ex. and they do do that.) hehe they said dodo...hehehe, EVERYTIME! i'm sorry but when you hear a vice president or director of a department lecturing and say dodo that's pretty darn funny!
>>Happiness doesn't imply comfort.
-you got it Rod.
>>Recently an acquaintance friend of a friend accused me of being in denial or on drugs if I say my life has happiness most of the time, thereby my being happy.So what does it matter to him/her??? why would they want to encourage looking closer to find more negatives??
i say illusions can be wonderful things...so even if your "happiness" is an illusion, well so what? don't take away that little time i have of feeling what everyone else gets to feel.>>Negative-people beware! I'm happy and you can't do anything to stop me now!!!
-you tell 'em happy man.
B2c.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 2, 2004, at 11:37:17
In reply to Re: Care-free comfort, posted by B2chica on August 2, 2004, at 10:28:38
Well, actually, I've wanted to reply, but didn't want the reply to be clouded with the green eyes of envy.
Who was it that said 'happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you get?' So true, so true.
Which leaves me with knowing I don't like how I feel, have a reasonable definition for what it should be, but have no idea how to get from point A to point B. And wanting an instruction book.
And you are right. In many ways I was happier when struggling to get ahead. But it seems to be a bit foolish to just toss it away, especially with two kids in college.
Posted by B2chica on August 2, 2004, at 12:25:37
In reply to Re: Care-free comfort » B2chica, posted by AuntieMel on August 2, 2004, at 11:37:17
((((AuntieMel))))
>> Who was it that said 'happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you get?' So true, so true.
boy, isn't that the truth.
>>Which leaves me with knowing I don't like how I feel, have a reasonable definition for what it should be, but have no idea how to get from point A to point B. And wanting an instruction book.
I think i believe it best that everyone make their own happiness. i personally don't believe happiness is reliant upon the big things in life. (i had to take it where i could get it growing up). i believe happiness is being able to laugh as well as to cry, to complete something -even if it's just making your bed one morning, to reach a goal (no matter how big or small), to truly understand something, and to experience real nature whether it be putting your fingers in the cool dirt while planting a flower or watching wild animals on the discovery channel, to enjoy yourself (despite ANYone else's words) if it's licking a chocolate chip icecream cone or watching a movie you've wanted to see, but most of all- to me happiness is learning. i guess that's most important to me cuz NO ONE can take that away from me. Learning, even if it's from a not so great experience i turn into good by telling myself i've learned from it and maybe i could even help others avoid it?
-So i guess i'm saying i don't think the point from A to B has to be that far apart. it's ok if their tiny, to me that doesn't make them any less important.>>In many ways I was happier when struggling to get ahead. But it seems to be a bit foolish to just toss it away, especially with two kids in college.
Please excuse my spinning head, i'm not quite sure i understand this last sentence but if i'm interpreting it right...here's my comments.
i don't think happiness is reliant upon ANY timeline or circumstance.
and NEVER toss it away, take it when it comes and relish in it. i think it's priceless.
and i think having two kids in college is something to be proud of and must make your heart at least a little warm...do you feel that? yes dear AuntieMel, to me i think that's happiness.
ok, so maybe it doesn't feel like much to many. but that's how i take it, little bits at a time. like i said i guess i'm just a pessimist and don't believe in the Big Happiness for me.
IMHO
b2c.
here's a couple things to try out to MAKE happiness.
1.go to any store and find the stuffed animal section, pet all of them and find the softest and fuzzyest of them all- pick it up and squeeze it REAL tight 5 times...watch the smile emurge from your lips.
2.think of a dessert that you really like (i'll use icecream) go out to some store and buy one serving for yourself (meaning don't go buy a gallon of icecream, go buy a cone). this way 1)you are getting out of the house 2)you are treating yourself but not binging-so you have no reason to feel badly 3)technically you get a little exercise and 4)this is just for YOU.
3.if you have a pet, set a play date and spend 1/2 hour just doing silly pet games- fetch with dog, string chase with cat...anything to just feel one with your pet.
4.Go to some store and be Super nice to absolutely EVERY one you see (no matter how grumpy they are) put a BIG smile on your face and say hi to strangers, you'd be suprised how contagious it is.
5.buy one of those disposable cameras for $6 and take the whole role of pictures of yourself and bring it to the one hour photo place but stick around to see their faces as they develop them ;^)6.AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!!!!!!!!
you MUST GO TO THIS WEBSITE!!!
to me...THIS IS HAPPINESS!!!
http://www.justsaywow.com/smile.htm
if you look closely my picture is at the very bottom, i'm the one with the red lipstick and BIG smile!
Love ya AuntieMel
B2c.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 2, 2004, at 14:55:54
In reply to Re: Care-free comfort » AuntieMel, posted by B2chica on August 2, 2004, at 12:25:37
I was writing a nice response, but it got lost.
There were things I said that apply to both of you, so I shouldna clicked a name. Oh, well...
I think you *are* interpreting it wrong, but you don't know how nice if feels to get your support.
Longer explanation.....
My "in many ways I was happier when struggling to get ahead." was more of a reply to Rod's "happiest people seem to be able to navigate strife and turmoil" and your "the happiest people are those that have met extreme obstacles." We are by no means wealthy, but we're at a nice comfy "if I lose my job I can survive" state.
And, I *am* less happy now than I was then. With struggle comes hope. Without hope why bother to struggle. So, 15 years ago, if someone asked what I wanted out of life I would point to something exactly like I have today.
It's kind of like Neil Armstrong - what do you do for an encore? It would be nice to toss it all away (meaning sell the house and just bum around) and start over.
And just because I'm not "happy" doesn't really translate to being miserable. I even do most of the things on you list. I love being nice to everyone at stores. They are usually smiling when they leave. The one I reaally, really like to do is return to give back cash if they give me too much. Floors them every time...
Checked out the smileys....laaughed and laughed. Until it took over my computer and had to reboot....
Have you seen the opera baby? It's been around for a while, but it still cracks me up.
Posted by B2chica on August 2, 2004, at 15:34:46
In reply to Re: Care-free comfort » B2chica, posted by AuntieMel on August 2, 2004, at 14:55:54
>>I was writing a nice response, but it got lost.
i HATE it when i do that! it just always throws me for a loop.
> I think you *are* interpreting it wrong, but you don't know how nice if feels to get your support.
**ooops, sorry bout that but i had a feeling i wasn't catching on.
but anytime for the support ((((((((AM))))))))
> My "in many ways I was happier when struggling to get ahead."....was We are by no means wealthy, but we're at a nice comfy "if I lose my job I can survive" state.
Gotcha. (wow, i was way off!) you know that's just really intersting how a person can interpret writing so incredibly differently. (course, maybe it's just moî?)
>>And just because I'm not "happy" doesn't really translate to being miserable.**This is VERY to the point AM! thanks for putting it to words.
>>The one I reaally, really like to do is return to give back cash if they give me too much. Floors them every time...
i thought i was the only one! i actually get a kick out of doing that. it's almost like paying for entertainment (but with their money) ;^)
> Checked out the smileys....laaughed and laughed. Until it took over my computer and had to reboot....ooops, sorry it did that. but i LOVE's them little buggers.
> http://www.whoohoo.net/operababy/index.htm
hadn't seen it...what a hoot.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 2, 2004, at 16:01:07
In reply to Re: Care-free comfort » AuntieMel, posted by B2chica on August 2, 2004, at 15:34:46
It wasn't you. It was me. Sometimes when I write something that to me makes perfect (cause I can hear the wheels turning) it comes out looking like something else, or nothing at all. I went back and reread it and thought 'no wonder she freaked, but isn't nice that she did.'
One really good thing - the topic of being happier with a struggle will give me something to talk about with the therapist this week;)
Now - back to tend to the fires.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.