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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shortelise on July 30, 2004, at 20:31:57
I'd love to talk about dreams - in the other thread I posted a fews days ago, I asked about how/if you and your therapist talk about dreams.
Now I wonder if anyone has any dreams to post.
Here's mine from last night:
I am in a psychiatric hospital - my parents have had me committed. I am trying to phone my psychiatrist to ask him to help me, I know he will, I believe he'll get me out, but I can't dial the phone, can't push the buttons. Feel panic, helpless.
(I was hospitalized as a teenage for a year. I am in my 40's now, marrried, not in my parents' care. I am in the beginning of terminating a 6 year therapy)
What do you think?
Shorte
Posted by Klokka on July 31, 2004, at 0:10:56
In reply to Dreams, posted by shortelise on July 30, 2004, at 20:31:57
My initial thoughts (total shot in the dark and probably super-obvious if anything is right, but here goes:)
Does the termination of your therapy feel forced somehow? Maybe there's a sense of being forced into something you're not comfortable with by someone who's supposed to take care of you? Do you feel as though you somehow can't reach out to your T anymore for help, even though it seems like you should be able? Just some random thoughts.
I can remember a few of my dreams, though only one in depth. This was back in February:
The dream starts with me crossing the street on my way to youth group. It's at night and the normally busy intersection is completely empty, and there aren't any lights on. I find this unnerving, but try and reassure myself that the church will be lit and full of warmth. I suddenly think that it, too, might be dark, and am terrified. I take a different route and find myself walking around the back of a massive, beaten-up basketball court - I'm upset that it is lit but nobody is there, and wonder about the state of the youth in the community. I hear a rustling noise as though from a nearby bush, think some kids are trying to be funny, and then suspect someone/something deeply malevolent is afoot. My efforts at self-control fail, I run, and my surroundings become nothing but a blur of corners and scruffy alleys. I suddenly remember that there weren't any bushes near the court and so I couldn'tve heard any rustling. I am again terrified as I question my sanity. After that I realize I'm dreaming, and eventually force myself awake.
I don't know when I had either of these, nor did I write them down:
I have a horrible day and go to the clinic to try and see my pdoc for an emergency session. He reluctantly agrees, but with two conditions: I am not allowed to sit on a chair, and it must be a group therapy session with my classmates. The session takes place, I find myself trying to figure out whether the focus on my issues is excessive, and the dream ends.
In the next one, I am sitting in the waiting room a few minutes before an appointment. I get very nervous and check a conference room adjacent to the waiting room to see if my pdoc is there, but he isn't. With a sudden panic, I realize that I forgot to run some important errand. This happens again and again until I am home and have ten minutes before the end of session. I try to convince myself to show up anyway, then realize it would be futile and break down sobbing.
I think I'm still a bit paranoid about showing up late to a session after that last one. I woke up Wednesday at 11 AM (had a session the next day at the same time) and could not calm down until I was 100% sure it wasn't the day, and even then I was a bit edgy about it. Do you ever have dreams which linger like that?
Posted by shortelise on July 31, 2004, at 0:52:21
In reply to Re: Dreams » shortelise, posted by Klokka on July 31, 2004, at 0:10:56
I CONSTANTLY have dreams that I am late for therapy, that I get lost, that my shrink isn't there, that he's with someone else and it's my time, that there is another shrink in the room with us, that another shrink has taken over from him.
I dream it's a different office, that I am waiting for him and he never shows, that he leaves the room and never comes back.
But I dream very, very often that I am late. That the hour is going by and I'm not there, trying to get there, think the hour will be over by the time I get there.
I hadn't realized this until now.
I do feel rushed, or I did until recently. Now I have understood that I'm not out on my ear. We have just gone from one session a week to one session every two weeks. I have seen him basically once a week for the last six years. I feel really really sad that I wont be seeing him next week. I know it will pass - when either of us are on vacation, it passes. But now it is not vacation, it's real life.
Shorte
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on July 31, 2004, at 1:40:27
In reply to Dreams, posted by shortelise on July 30, 2004, at 20:31:57
Shortelise,
I read a few things in your dream. For one, I felt there was entrapment. There was a lot of fear in it and a sense of powerlessnes in getting someone to help you escape.
Posted by shortelise on August 1, 2004, at 14:57:18
In reply to Re: Dreams, posted by Shadowplayers721 on July 31, 2004, at 1:40:27
I wonder... I don't feel able to "save" myself, I never have. I always look to others to do that for me.
This breaks my heart. My T said something about "weakness" a couple of weeks ago. It resonated so deeply, and I got really angry about it. Is it ok to call it weakness that I feel I need him (and my husband)? Do I play on that to get people to want to take care of me, though I often helps friends in need? Or can this need be an ok part of who I am?
Argh.
Shorte
Posted by Pfinstegg on August 1, 2004, at 15:34:11
In reply to powerlessness/weakness, posted by shortelise on August 1, 2004, at 14:57:18
I think EVERYONE is naturally dependent on important others. I think a lot of us are self-critical about our dependence- on our therapists, especially. One time, I brought up my fears about how dependent I was becoming on my own T. He said that he felt it was a natural and healthy development- that he would be concerned if it DIDN'T happen. He said he felt there were three kinds of dependence:child-like, mature adult, and pseudo-independence. In other words, everyone, unless they are in denial, is dependent in some way throughout life- it's deep in our natures as primates- unlike other mammal such as tigers. I have felt much more comfortable about my own dependence since then, and do hope you won't beat yourself up about your own. It's especially tough to deal with during termination, I would think.
Posted by Dinah on August 1, 2004, at 18:25:07
In reply to Re: powerlessness/weakness » shortelise, posted by Pfinstegg on August 1, 2004, at 15:34:11
Posted by 64bowtie on August 1, 2004, at 20:19:53
In reply to powerlessness/weakness, posted by shortelise on August 1, 2004, at 14:57:18
» shortelise,
...if not, sounds safe to need your husband and/or your T.
If I got cocky and my expectations got toooo high, I would get put down here or there, usually as feedback from my bad-acting and bad-habits... I could have assumed that his cheap-shot blackmail meant I was inept and couldn't go out in the rain without help... Somehow I never made that assumption...
Rod
Posted by 64bowtie on August 1, 2004, at 21:16:17
In reply to Re: powerlessness/weakness » shortelise, posted by Pfinstegg on August 1, 2004, at 15:34:11
> He said he felt there were three kinds of dependence:child-like, mature adult, and pseudo-independence. >
<<< ...obviously an attempt on the part of your therapist to invent new labels as categories...
> In other words, everyone, unless they are in denial, is dependent in some way throughout life- it's deep in our natures as primates- unlike other mammal such as tigers. >
<<< I am concerned about the "all=or-nothing" absolutes contained in your portrayal of dependence. I can choose my dependence and how big of a dose I want. Isn't this sorta optional as opposed to absolute?
Rod
Posted by Pfinstegg on August 1, 2004, at 22:37:04
In reply to Re: I knew I liked your analyst. :) (nm) » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on August 1, 2004, at 18:25:07
Posted by Pfinstegg on August 1, 2004, at 22:44:27
In reply to Why powerlessness/weakness??? » Pfinstegg, posted by 64bowtie on August 1, 2004, at 21:16:17
I was not talking about dependency in a way that involved "absolutes" or "all-or-nothing" thinking. Anyone in therapy knows that dependency feelings keep changing constantly- often from none to a lot within the same session.
However, I think if you start reading the literature on attachment in human beings and other primates, you will understand what I am talking about.
This is the end of the thread.
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