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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by littlep24 on June 30, 2004, at 13:16:58
I know that this question should be answered by me because it is about me, however, I am having a hard time deciding. My therapy is due to my depression,self esteem problems and my inability to accept myself for who I am. We all have 2 selves that fight against each other most people can work out that turmoil in there head and move on. My ambivalence is causing me so much pain because I can not work through the turmoil in my head. I have alot of marital issues. I love my therapist but she is bias. She doesn't believe that I am bipolar. She thinks that if my husband was more in tune with my feelings, less critcal of me and didn't try to fix me, I would be much happier. Obviously, to some degree that is true. Just because I do things different than him doesn't mean I need to be fixed, he has me convinced that I do need to be. Due to my t's biasness she tends to blame my husband for everything and then I get on her bandwagon for periods and become very confused about my feelings if my husband is really that bad of a person. I am trying to sort out the issues that I brought into the marriage (which I haven't figured out how to since my memory is horrible and most of my life is a blur) and those that have been caused by the interactions between my husband and myself. I have been through soo many therapist and this is the one I am most comfortable with, however, I am afraid she is allowing me to have self pity,feel like the world owes me and that my husband is controlling traits I already had but I am not sure. She is known for making women stronger and sticking up for themselves that is why I like her. The question at hand is does this make her unable to see both sides and how depression effects the other person and how they react? I am not sure if I explained why I am concerned about this t and me. If you have thoughts but need further detail let me know or of course just give me your thoughts.
littlep
Posted by partlycloudy on June 30, 2004, at 13:32:33
In reply to Is my therapist right for me?, posted by littlep24 on June 30, 2004, at 13:16:58
I guess that I would be working on how you react to your husband's attempts at control. You can't change how he acts, but you can change how you respond to him. That brings the focus back on you, rather than him. Unless your T is suggesting marriage counselling and bringing him in? I guess I'd ask her outright if that's what she's getting at.
Posted by daisym on June 30, 2004, at 14:46:47
In reply to Re: Is my therapist right for me? » littlep24, posted by partlycloudy on June 30, 2004, at 13:32:33
This can be really sticky because you have to evaluate how close to the facts you are sticking when you discuss things. It is hard for an individual therapist to do marriage counseling with only one half of the marriage in attendance.
I have a very sick husband. I know most of the time what drives him and why he treats me the way he does, both good and bad. We talk about my reactions and feelings in therapy a lot. I've made it clear that while I don't think it is particularly nice or fair of me to complain about my spouse, my therapist is MY thrapist and I want/need him to help ME. Even if it means "siding" with me sometimes, or offering sympathy.
I think you should tell her about how you feel and your ambivalence. It isn't unusual to feel bad when you perceive criticism of a loved one. Sort of like brothers and sisters when we were little. I could call them names but if someone else tried it...watch out!
Posted by Racer on June 30, 2004, at 16:18:27
In reply to Is my therapist right for me?, posted by littlep24 on June 30, 2004, at 13:16:58
Could you use this issue to explore with your therapist ways you can work issues like this out with other people? It sounds to me as if you might be reacting to your therapist in a similar way to the way you react to your husband: He tells you you need fixing, so you start to think that you need to be fixed / your therapist tells you that he's treating you badly and you start to believe that he's treating you badly. Does that make sense? I could be totally offbase, but there does seem to be a common theme, and you might be able to answer your question by how well you and your therapist can work through the question of whether or not she's placing too much of the responsibility for the marital issues on your husband? If you can find that middle ground together -- where she is able to help you see either how much either you or your husband is contributing to conflicts; or maybe how you can change your reactions to his actions to improve the situation without demonizing him -- then she probably is the right therapist for you for right now (I believe that sometimes the "right therapist" at one time might not be the right therapist for another time, you know? I suppose I could try to go back to my old Good Therapist again, she's only 50 miles away, but I just don't think she's the Right Therapist for me Right Now, you know? Just because this one might not be the right one for now doesn't mean that she wouldn't be the right therapist for you in a different situation is what I'm trying to say). On the other hand, if she insists that your husband is responsible for everything, that you are simply an innocent victim, when you *don't* think that's accurate, then you also have an answer.
Also, I know from very recent experience that, in the worst of my depression, I would look at my husband and wonder how I could have made such a HUGE mistake! Marriage counseling helped -- although it took a while for the head-butting stage to get past, you know? -- and being somewhat less depressed helped, and now I see the man I not only DID marry, but also WANTED to marry. He's my [marital nickname deleted] and I'm glad we made it through together.
Best luck to you. That's such a hard decision to make, but I think you'll make the right one for yourself.
Posted by littlep24 on June 30, 2004, at 16:53:14
In reply to Re: Is my therapist right for me? » littlep24, posted by partlycloudy on June 30, 2004, at 13:32:33
We are trying to work on how I react; it is a slow process of retraining the brain.
We actually tried marriage counseling with her it didn't work well since she was bias and he felt attacked whenever he tried to talk.
thanks for the thoughts
Posted by littlep24 on June 30, 2004, at 16:54:54
In reply to Re: Is my therapist right for me?, posted by daisym on June 30, 2004, at 14:46:47
Thanks for the thoughts!
Interestingly enough my t calls it a father to daughter relationship instead of husband to wife.
Posted by littlep24 on June 30, 2004, at 17:03:42
In reply to Re: Is my therapist right for me?, posted by Racer on June 30, 2004, at 16:18:27
Racer,
It is all alot to think about. The first course of action is to try and work on how I respond to him; changing the brain takes time. Secondly, you are right on the nose I tend to believe ANYTHING someone else tells me (self esteem issue?) We tried the marital counseling for a short time with my t that didn't work because my husband felt attacked everytime he talked. I do think that some therapist are right at the right time as you do; she does house visits and makes me feel good about myself. Anyway, I definately do have concern that because I am depressed (low self esteem, unable to make decisions, frustrated, lack of focus) that I am a little cloudy on my feelings. Since I am not happy on my meds that is an area that is making think that I need to keep thinking this through, however, I also think time is a wasting.
Well I am the type that can go on and on about my woes but I need to get over them and stop typing so damn much.
APPRECIATE YOUR THOUGHTS
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