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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by QuietHeart on April 24, 2004, at 12:40:07
I recently started on prozac and then quickly got off it because it made me too tired etc. The strange thing is though, I am feeling a LOT better even though I am off it now. I am thinking about termination -- and while I a worried about my emotional attachment (it will certainly be painful to get over leaving my T as I have been seeing him for almost a year) I wonder also about his feelings being hurt. Is this just projecting too much importance on myself in the therepeutic relationship? Is it silly to think the T will be hurt? There is also some general awkwardness in bringing up leaving, how do I bring it up? I am so scared. Will he suggest a weaning off to make it easier for both of us? How will it end? What will we say to each other at the last session?
HELP
Posted by Medusa on April 24, 2004, at 12:50:46
In reply to Hurting therapist's feelings?, posted by QuietHeart on April 24, 2004, at 12:40:07
I'm glad you're feeling better!
> There is also some general awkwardness in bringing up leaving, how do I bring it up? I am so scared. Will he suggest a weaning off to make it easier for both of us? How will it end? What will we say to each other at the last session?
>
> HELPTo all of these questions, I suggest: ask him!
Let us know how things go.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 24, 2004, at 14:22:17
In reply to Re: Hurting therapist's feelings?, posted by Medusa on April 24, 2004, at 12:50:46
QuietHeart,
I am a T in training and am in the process of dealing with termination or transfer with my clients as I will be leaving this site in about six weeks. I have also had clients suggest termination and leave therapy on their own. Some just disappeared, but others have come in and told me they were ready to terminate. I admit in one case, I felt like I was fired, but I had to remind myself that it really is up to the client whether they wish to continue...at any point. But my feeling like I was fired stemmed from my own issues and inexperience. Since then, when people have told me they were terminating, it has been a positive thing.It's always a bit sad to end a special relationship. That sadness is not *caused* by the client deciding to terminate. It's a natural occurrence. I found it helps me and perhaps the client to share some thoughts I have about the process--what I appreciated about the client, how far they have come, my feelings about the ending, etc. I think this makes it more human and real, rather than not telling someone who has shared such personal stuff with you that it meant something.
Some of my clients have walked in and said this is their last session. Others have talked about for a few weeks. Some have tapered off by going a few weeks in between, others have gone straight thru til the end or just not come back. I do prefer to have a last session with people rather than just wonder what happened.
Hope this helps. Take care. Termination can stir up stuff temporarily that can feel like back-sliding. It's just an anxiety reaction to termination, and it passes when you realize what it is and that you can handle it.
How great that you are at this point. Good for you!
gg
Posted by shadows721 on April 24, 2004, at 14:47:05
In reply to Hurting therapist's feelings?, posted by QuietHeart on April 24, 2004, at 12:40:07
Your question -"Is it silly to think the T will be hurt?"
My answer - I don't think it's projection by caring about your t's feelings. It shows you are a compassionate person. That's a wonderful quality.
Your question - "There is also some general awkwardness in bringing up leaving, how do I bring it up?"
My answer - You can bring up that your wanting to terminate the therapy just as you did here. You express yourself well. Your claiming your feeling better now & you wish to terminate your therapy. If that's how you feel, that's okay.
Your comment - "I am so scared."
My answer - I agree it is scary, do in a way that feels safest to you.
Your question - "Will he suggest a weaning off to make it easier for both of us?"
My comment & suggestion - He may or may not suggest that, but it is ultimately up to you. How would you like to terminate the therapy - gradually or on one day?
Your question - "How will it end?"
My answer- In whatever way makes you feel comfortable. This is your therapy and you end it in a way that is best for you.
Your question - "What will we say to each other at the last session?"
My answer & suggestion- You say what you need to say to him. Perhaps, journaling about this will bring up the things you feel need to be said.
Posted by spoc on April 24, 2004, at 16:28:11
In reply to Re: Hurting therapist's feelings?, posted by shadows721 on April 24, 2004, at 14:47:05
> My answer - I agree it is scary, do in a way that feels safest to you.>
> Your question - "Will he suggest a weaning off to make it easier for both of us?" >
> My comment & suggestion - He may or may not suggest that, but it is ultimately up to you. How would you like to terminate the therapy - gradually or on one day? >> Your question - "How will it end?" >
> My answer- In whatever way makes you feel comfortable. This is your therapy and you end it in a way that is best for you. >-------
....and, like gardenergirl also said, the time period over which it happens varies with the individual. Myself, when I had truly made up my mind that what was right for me was to leave, I ended up splurging on about six additional sessions in a row, because he wouldn't let on that anything about my decision or ability to decide was valid. It really wasn't a matter of "Who am I trying to convince, the other person or myself?" I *was* convinced. But I guess I don't like being misunderstood or thought to be unreasonable. So I'll hover around an issue like a yellow jacket, looking to clarify my meaning, if not seek actual agreement.And a T who cares about you may be hesitant to think leaving is right. So I guess one has to think a lot about how sure they are of the decision, or if in reality they are open to a few additional sessions to examine it. Or even merely to explain it, which may serve anywhere from both parties, to mainly the other one. My T relationship wasn't close like yours. But in my case, after I hit that six or so session mark, I wanted to say "Look, I've made up my mind. If it's this important to you to resist that, maybe we should consider any future visits sales calls, for which you shouldn't charge me."
SORRY if that is harsh or inappropriate here! Obviously it also had to do with an assertiveness problem. Best wishes!
Posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 19:59:37
In reply to Hurting therapist's feelings?, posted by QuietHeart on April 24, 2004, at 12:40:07
There's a book called "When to Say Goodbye to Your Therapist" that's pretty thorough on termination. It sounds as if you are feeling good and may be ready to fly solo.
I imagine that while therapists might be a bit sad to lose someone they have had a good experience with, it's probably the good sort of sad that parents have when their kids are doing well and set out on their own.
And more and more today, the end of therapy doesn't have to be final. So if at some point you need a tune up or some short term advice, most therapists leave the door open.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes with your therapist!
Posted by Aphrodite on April 25, 2004, at 14:39:56
In reply to Hurting therapist's feelings?, posted by QuietHeart on April 24, 2004, at 12:40:07
Quiet Heart,
Could you say only a short-term goodbye? We continue to see our general practitioners, eye doctors, etc. as needed throughout our lives; why can't we do the same for our therapists? Let the therapist know you may be calling again if the situation warrants some shoring up. If the therapist knew you would come back if needed, I don't think there would be any hurt feelings at all.
Posted by 64Bowtie on April 25, 2004, at 16:27:54
In reply to Hurting therapist's feelings?, posted by QuietHeart on April 24, 2004, at 12:40:07
QuietHeart,
Depends if your therapist sees the glass half empty or half full. A half full guy will cheer you on to your next endeavor and be glad he had a part in your success. The half empty guy will be sad because he is not finished (its really all about himself and finishing... consider yourself rid of a glory-hound in that case).
"[Darn] the torpedoes and full speed ahead!"
Onward to your next endeavor....!
Rod
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