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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 19:22:06
I'm curious if anyone else here has had any bad experiences with therapy?
I've suffered from social anxiety disorder my entire life. To make a long story short, I was going to therapy for over a year with the same therapist, which is long for me, I usually switch therapists often. Anyway, a time came last year when I really needed to talk to him, and/or see him. But for some reason, he completely abandoned me. He no longer acknowledged my existance. I left him message after message on his voicemail, but he never returned any of my calls. I even ran into him, and when he saw me he started walking the other way, away from me. I even spoke to his supervisor and she said she was going to have him call me, but he still never got in contact with me. I feel like such an idiot. All those times I practically begged him just to talk to me, I must have sounded like a fool to him.
When he just turned his back on me, it destroyed every single ounce of trust I ever had for anybody, not just him. He was the only therapist who ever helped me with my problems, but I never got a chance to thank him for making my life a little better. I just don't understand why a therapist (out of all people) would do something like this to a client. I am a student studying psychology, and I know that this is not something considered normal behavior in a therapist, anyone with common sense would know that. I still do not know why he did what he did. For months I've been tempted to go to his office and ask him 'why'. I don't think he, or anyone else understands the damage this has done to me mentally and emotionally. I need closure, but I'm not sure what to do, or how to get it.
Any suggestions?
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 19:25:54
In reply to Therapist ruined my life, posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 19:22:06
I don't have a really good sense of what happened. You were going to therapy, weekly? And at the last session you didn't make an appointment for the next one? I generally make my next appointment before I leave. How did you handle it? And he never returned your calls for making another appointment?
No talk of termination. No termination letter. Nothing?
Did I miss something?
Posted by toomuchpain on March 29, 2004, at 19:36:09
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life » spreeville, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 19:25:54
could u go a lil more in to detail .. i missed something like dinah did thanks
Posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:05:32
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life, posted by toomuchpain on March 29, 2004, at 19:36:09
The problem is, it's such a long story, and if I were to give little bits of it, you probably wouldn't understand. But I'll try.
Basically, I needed to see him before our next appointment. He always said to call him if I ever needed to do so, which I have in the past. He knew that I was going through a difficult time emotionally. I spoke to him on the phone the day after our last appointment, and everything was fine and normal. Then about 4 days later is when he started ignoring me. I think I'm just as confused as you guys are. I really don't know what happened.
Posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:07:18
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life » spreeville, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 19:25:54
Nope, no talk of termination and no letter.
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 20:18:28
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life » Dinah, posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:07:18
What happened at your last appointment, did you make the next one? Do you usually?
Posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:28:28
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 20:18:28
At the last appointment, everything was normal. He even said to call him if I needed. At the end of every appointment he says "See you same time next week." The only time he didn't say that was when he knew he had a meeting that day or something. But yes we were on for the same time the next week.
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 20:44:21
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life » Dinah, posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:28:28
And when you showed up he wasn't there?
Posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:51:01
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life » spreeville, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 20:44:21
I didn't go to my next appointment because of what happened. The thing is, I couldn't keep my next appointment because I had a meeting. But of course I couldn't even let him know that.
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 21:14:12
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life, posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:51:01
But what happened? Between your last appointment and the next scheduled one? Because it can't have been that he stopped talking to you, because you had an appointment to see him. If you stopped talking to him before the appointment, something must have happened other than him stopping talking to you?
Ooooh, I'm confused.
Ummm... And of course you don't have to answer if you prefer not to.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 29, 2004, at 21:19:06
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life » spreeville, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 21:14:12
OK..HI...I am dense and thus miss a lot...am I understanding this right? YOU had an appt ...needed to talk or see him inbetween and he never returned any of your cals asking on a close appt???? yes no???
hugs and sorry on your pain
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 21:19:07
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life, posted by spreeville on March 29, 2004, at 20:51:01
I think in my effort to understand, I might be violating the no-pressure rules here.
So, without really understanding, can I ask if it would be helpful for you to ask your former therapist what happened and cc a copy to the head of his institution?
Posted by spreeville on March 30, 2004, at 10:31:17
In reply to Re: I apologize » spreeville, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2004, at 21:19:07
Don't worry about it, it's ok.
After I tried desperately to contact him for weeks, I just let it go. I was going through a lot and I just didn't understand why he wasn't speaking to me. I was devistated, due to a lot of things, and this one didn't help any. Just like you, I don't understand either.
Like I said, everything was fine with us up until I tried to contact him to see him earlier and cancel my regular appointment. Since then....nothing from him. I did speak to a couple of people he works with and they all left him notes and said he'd call me back, but nothing. Where he works, if a client calls, it's mandatory you call them back ASAP. I know that he does still work there. I want to do something about it, but I just don't know what to do.
Posted by spreeville on March 30, 2004, at 10:35:30
In reply to Re: Therapist ruined my life/ help Iam lost, posted by Fallen4myT on March 29, 2004, at 21:19:06
Yes, that's pretty much what happened.
Thanks
Posted by pegasus on March 30, 2004, at 11:54:15
In reply to Re: I apologize » Dinah, posted by spreeville on March 30, 2004, at 10:31:17
Wow, that is awful. I don't blame you for being very upset. Was there something particular that you were talking about with him that might help explain (although not justify) his sudden unavailability to you? Did he seem at all odd on the last visit that you had with him? Were you generally getting along with him before his sudden withdrawal? I'm just trying to make some sense out of this.
So, if you're looking for advice (I don't know, maybe you're not, so then just skip this paragraph): it sounds like he's definitely not going to respond to you, or to the notes that others have left him on your behalf. If you're up for it, I would think that the only recourse that leaves you is to explain your story to whoever is in charge of his agency/practice, and tell them what you want as a result. I.e., maybe you want an explanation from him, or an apology. If he's in private practice, you could file a report with the state licensing agency (if you're in the US). At least that way you might be warning other people that this T is a bad risk. And then there is NAMI, which sometimes advocates for people in situations like this. There is probably a local chapter in your area.
You have all of my sympathy for such a sudden loss. Please let us know more.
- p
Posted by spreeville on March 30, 2004, at 13:05:37
In reply to Re: I apologize, posted by pegasus on March 30, 2004, at 11:54:15
No, there was nothing unusual going on at our last session. We always got along perfectly. Everything was as always, that's why I'm so confused.
Yes, I'm definately looking for some advice. I will look into the things you listed. Also, do you know if there is any time limit to take action? Thank you so much for the info!
Posted by pegasus on March 30, 2004, at 13:13:03
In reply to Re: I apologize » pegasus, posted by spreeville on March 30, 2004, at 13:05:37
Hi spreeville,
Well, I think time limits are usually only really important if you're planning to sue him or take some kind of legal action. So, then a statute of limitations is usually in effect (meaning, after the statute of limitations is up, you can't take legal action). But I assume that's not your goal.
How long has it been? It sounds like you have a little distance from it, but that it still hurts a lot.
- p
Posted by spreeville on March 30, 2004, at 13:35:00
In reply to Re: I apologize, posted by pegasus on March 30, 2004, at 13:13:03
Nah, not planning to sue, just probably complain.
I'm wondering if I should just confront him face to face and let him know what he's done. I remember I was crying hysterically when I went to the office and told the secretary to cancel my appointment. I could barely get the words out. Most of his colleagues were there and I'm positive they told him how upset I was. I just want him to tell me why, that's all I ever wanted. And I deserve to know.This happened six months ago. He's had plenty of time to think about what happened and to decide what he's gonna do, so it's obvious he no longer wants anything to do with me.
Posted by judy1 on March 31, 2004, at 10:50:25
In reply to Re: I apologize » pegasus, posted by spreeville on March 30, 2004, at 13:35:00
If I understand everything correctly- that is a. you tried to reschedule an appt. earlier than normal and never heard from him and b. there was no formal letter of termination, then he is guilty of abandonment- which is unethical and he could be censored. assuming you just want explanations about his behavior, then write him a letter (copying his supervisor), and explain if he indeed wants to terminate (and after 6 months I'll assume that's correct) then you would like to schedule appts. to discuss this, that you need closure. I promise that you will hear back within 24 hours, if not please post.
best of luck- judy
Posted by spreeville on March 31, 2004, at 19:58:08
In reply to Re: I apologize » spreeville, posted by judy1 on March 31, 2004, at 10:50:25
It's a good idea, but I'm afraid to do it.
One of the biggest reasons I stopped leaving him messages was because I was afraid the office would think I was harrassing him. So, I'm a little nervous about sending anything more. I really really want to but, I have a feeling if I do, my actual therapist won't respond, like last time, when someone else answered my messages.
Posted by judy1 on April 1, 2004, at 11:00:19
In reply to Re: I apologize » judy1, posted by spreeville on March 31, 2004, at 19:58:08
your fear- no one likes the feeling of being ignored. This is the way I handled a termination, (only because I really, really wanted to know what went wrong and was having no success with phone calls). When it is done correctly- a letter (preferably registered), without emotion and stating facts, then he is risking a lot by not answering. I'll assume the previous messages you left were very emotional (I've done the same) and therefore easier to dismiss. Please don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, perhaps after all this time it's easier to ignore it. For me it was a necessity, I tend to blame myself for any failure- and this was clearly a failure on the part of the shrink- I just needed that verified. Whatever you decide, I wish you well- judy
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