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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by vwoolf on March 22, 2004, at 13:10:05
I seem to spend such a lot of time in therapy talking in detail about sexual matters, and have begun to worry that this is not "normal". My T, of course, makes no comment, and lets me go on and on. Does anyone else do this? What reaction do you get from your T?
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 22, 2004, at 15:07:46
In reply to Sexual obsession, posted by vwoolf on March 22, 2004, at 13:10:05
I don't know W but seems to me whatever your mind wants to talk about and youre able to talk about it THATS what you should talk about cause it has a lot of deep meaning..cause you wanna talk about it and you think on it. I mean say I was out with my friend and my mind was on a fight with my hubby the whole time....why would I talk about say new curtains for the house...So go for it purge that info I am sure its telling him something..well other than you are ummm hot :)
Posted by Karen_kay on March 23, 2004, at 18:37:52
In reply to Sexual obsession, posted by vwoolf on March 22, 2004, at 13:10:05
I used to spend quite a bit of time talking about sexual matters, even though I am somewhat "weird" about sex. I'd often ask my therapist person questions about sex as well.
If you don't mind my asking, do you have sexual hang-ups? Or is there a reason that you focus on sex often? Do you use it as a distraction, instead of talking about things you should be discussing?
For me personally, I talked about sex to normalize the feelings and thoughts I had aobut sex. In a way, I wanted to know that it was OK to feel the way I did about sex, and to in a sense, have permission to think about sex without feeling guilty. I wouldn't say that I had a sexual obsession, nor do I think that you do either. In fact, I learned in a Psychology of Sexual Behavior class that there is no such disorder (Yahoo!!!)... There's a reason you are talking about sex for the amount of time that you are, and the key is to find out why... That's the tricky part. Wish I could help out more..
Part II... His reaction
He knew why I was asking so many questions, so he validated my feelings and answered my questions. Some of my questions were inapropriate, but he still answered, which made me feel even better because it made me feel no shame about sex. He didn't flinch or shy away from the hard stuff. I have a lot of respect for him in that aspect.
Perhaps you could bring this up and ask what your therapist thinks about you talking about sex often. I know, I know... It would suck. But, it would also be beneficial. There's a reason you are talking about it. The key is finding that reason.
Posted by vwoolf on March 24, 2004, at 8:02:20
In reply to Re: Sexual obsession » vwoolf, posted by Karen_kay on March 23, 2004, at 18:37:52
Hi Karen_Kay
Thanks for your reply. I suppose I am a bit weird about sex as well.
I was sexually abused by my father as a small child, but had no recollection of it until recently. Now, looking back, I see that all the relationships in my life have been coloured by this, including present relationships. Sexually I have had a lot of experiences, which I now feel shame and guilt about - they also reflect the original abuse in no small way. I guess this is why I keep going over and over these experiences - I feel they are a sort of metaphor for my life as I have lived it until the present.
However I find it difficult to talk about these things to my T (female). I feel sure I must be embarrassing her with some of the quirkier bits, and I come home feeling humiliated and exhausted, and determined not to mention anything sexual at the next session. But I go right back to it the next time. My pdoc simply told me to stop it with the angry sexuality, which made me feel even more humiliated and ashamed. Aargh!
I'll ask my therapist tomorrow what she thinks about me obsessing about sex and let you know.
Virginia
> I used to spend quite a bit of time talking about sexual matters, even though I am somewhat "weird" about sex. I'd often ask my therapist person questions about sex as well.
>
> If you don't mind my asking, do you have sexual hang-ups? Or is there a reason that you focus on sex often? Do you use it as a distraction, instead of talking about things you should be discussing?
>
> For me personally, I talked about sex to normalize the feelings and thoughts I had aobut sex. In a way, I wanted to know that it was OK to feel the way I did about sex, and to in a sense, have permission to think about sex without feeling guilty. I wouldn't say that I had a sexual obsession, nor do I think that you do either. In fact, I learned in a Psychology of Sexual Behavior class that there is no such disorder (Yahoo!!!)... There's a reason you are talking about sex for the amount of time that you are, and the key is to find out why... That's the tricky part. Wish I could help out more..
>
> Part II... His reaction
>
> He knew why I was asking so many questions, so he validated my feelings and answered my questions. Some of my questions were inapropriate, but he still answered, which made me feel even better because it made me feel no shame about sex. He didn't flinch or shy away from the hard stuff. I have a lot of respect for him in that aspect.
>
> Perhaps you could bring this up and ask what your therapist thinks about you talking about sex often. I know, I know... It would suck. But, it would also be beneficial. There's a reason you are talking about it. The key is finding that reason.
Posted by Karen_kay on March 24, 2004, at 9:04:17
In reply to Re: Sexual obsession, posted by vwoolf on March 24, 2004, at 8:02:20
It seems that we have very similar situations then. I too was sexually abused by my father and didn't remember until I started therapy. Strange that your therapist didn't pick up on what you needed to hear though and let you know that what you are feeling is COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!! You should not feel guilty about sex. It is a natural and beautiful form of human expression. I just can't believe your therapist isn't picking up on this. Hmmm.... I can give you Bubba's number, if you like...
In my situation, I frequently had sex with strangers, but refused and often hated having sex with my own boyfriend. I'd give in, feeling it's my obligation, and often times not being able to say no, but often times feeling revictimized, but that only leads to resentment. I've learned to say no, much to the dislike of my boyfrined, but we get along much better now. That "emotional attachment" thing gets me every time. Go figure.... (See, I even spout off to strangers!!! You don't mind, do you? :)
Posted by vwoolf on March 24, 2004, at 9:56:06
In reply to Re: Sexual obsession » vwoolf, posted by Karen_kay on March 24, 2004, at 9:04:17
I think she probably does tell me that it’s normal, I just don’t listen very well when I feel ashamed. Unlike you I still haven’t learnt to say no, which really gets me into some very difficult situations as you can probably imagine. It’s as if I have no right to my own body and sexuality. Which turns into a feeling that I have no right in any other sense either. It confuses me terribly. It’s almost as if I’ve lived my life through other people’s desires and needs rather than my own (which are pretty whacky too, at least the few that I am aware of).
How long have you been in therapy? I see from other posts that you are almost out of it now. I have only been going for about six months, and find that I can hardly work or do anything else at the moment. I spend so much time just curled up on my bed licking my wounds.
Thanks for the offer of Bubba – he sounds great but it might work out a bit expensive as I live in Africa. Guess I’ll have to make do with the people I can find locally.
This is the end of the thread.
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