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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on February 26, 2004, at 12:48:50
I'm feeling so confused right now. I don't feel like I know what is going on with me or anything else. I'm just hurting so bad right now. The only friend I have, whom I met through the psych ward (granted not the best place to meet dependable friends) keeps letting me down. I'm the caretaker and she is just the taker. She has BPD and is a control freak. I feel like I just sit there and jump whenever she says jump. She just ignores me for a few days and then suddenly pops up again. I try to show her that I care but she doesn't give any signs back. If I call her it just seems like I'm bothering her. It puts her in a difficult place, I know, when she is my only friend. I like her a lot and have a blast with her but I need to feel needed and important, and she doesn't make me feel that way!
I just feel so alone right now, and confused and want to hurt myself. I miss my T and wish somehow he could wave the magic wand and fix everything. I know I'm just rambling here it probably makes no sense but it is so scary to be in the place I am in now......
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 26, 2004, at 13:28:48
In reply to Sad, empty and afraid, posted by tinydancer on February 26, 2004, at 12:48:50
tiny,
i sorry you feel so bad right now..
relationships can be painful when we dont get what we need from them..
what is very important is taking charge of yourself because you cant control others...dont hurt yourself !
it good that you posted and that you are aware that you do have a choice not to harm..
be good to yourself in times of trouble ...
mother mary will whisper "b" words...
be good to you.
j
Posted by tinydancer on February 26, 2004, at 14:10:32
In reply to Re: Sad, empty and afraid » tinydancer, posted by justyourlaugh on February 26, 2004, at 13:28:48
I am feeling better now after I went for a walk. Think I will just get some rest and take it one step at a time....Thank you...
Posted by Racer on February 26, 2004, at 18:29:22
In reply to Sad, empty and afraid, posted by tinydancer on February 26, 2004, at 12:48:50
That's a really tough place for you to be in, and I hope it gets better soon. It may not help, but you have my best wishes -- no matter how muddled they seem to be right now.
If it helps any, I've been through similar things. Usually, my response is to try to do something so over-ambitious that it's certain to fail, thus ensuring that I can remain a failure in life and justify my depression and my failures. For example, when I was unemployed in the early 90s recession for a few months, I joined the board of a non-profit organization, as a way of networking within my field. I got so intent on that, that I allowed myself to take on much more than I could chew, and then beat myself up over having overextended myself so much. The only thing I've learned since then is that it helps to have some outlet, whatever it is, and writing stuff down makes it much more real. For the first, these boards are good outlets. The second is harder, because what you write down is likely to vary depending on your moods, your situation, etc. My "cheat sheet" for what I put in writing, actually, is usually based on what topics are going on here.
For example, I offended some people here in the last few days, by something I posted. It was a subject I felt strongly about, have a lot to say about, and it's apparently a subject that I could do well to explore in more depth -- and in another location -- so it might be something I'd write down impressions about, and take into therapy.
In the meantime, have you ever heard about the support groups run by groups like NAMI? They really do provide some great support, and they're face time support. That might help you find some other friends or acquaintances to help you find your feet again. I know that NAMI runs a lot of them, and a few other organizations more specific to mood disorders or other dx, so there are some options for you. Can't promise you'll meet anyone dependable there, but can promise that I know a lot of people who have found it very helpful. (I'm one of them.)
Sending my best wishes your way, and hope the sun comes out again soon.
Posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2004, at 8:13:17
In reply to Sad, empty and afraid, posted by tinydancer on February 26, 2004, at 12:48:50
It is very hard when your "friends" list is short. Because even the very best and most caring friends can't always be there when you need them because they have their own issues, too.
I agree with Racer about the support groups. I have met some people in support groups who I now have deep friendships with. Also try groups for people with your interests (for me it is Ice Skating or a Chorus). In these groups you can meet people who you have something in common with and have a readymade activity that you can enjoy together (it also is helpful to have some friends who are not mentally ill - this is something that is hard for me!).
I have made some very close friends through Babble. We email or IM as well as posting here. I think that online friends are wonderful (and some of my online friends DO understand me the best). But I think that you HAVE to have real, local friends as well. You need local friends because it is harder to hide when you are feeling badly if you see them face to face (or even on the phone). Also, sometimes you need someone to give you a ride (to a therapy appointment if you are too upset to drive, or to the hospital). Most important, I need my local friends because I really need hugs. Somehow online hugs just don't feel the same.
When you feel like you have more than one person to call, then you will be less demanding on each friend, and less upset if they have other priorities. It's hard work to establish a strong support network. But it is really worth it.
Good luck
Posted by tinydancer on February 27, 2004, at 8:22:42
In reply to Re: Sad, empty and afraid » tinydancer, posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2004, at 8:13:17
You have excellent points. That is exactly the problem, that I feel I put a lot of pressure on my friend because she is the only friend I have. I don't want to do that, but when I'm struggling it is hard not to reach out to her. Meanwhile, she's got her own problems and doesn't have anything to give. She is hurting too much herself to stop and think about other people's needs, which is why I'm hurting so much because that behavior is hard for me to understand.
I realized I need to take a breather from her basically and see how it goes.
Posted by obSession on February 27, 2004, at 19:27:21
In reply to Re: Sad, empty and afraid, posted by tinydancer on February 27, 2004, at 8:22:42
Hi
i understand where u r coming from. i have had loads of friends and usually end up depending too much one one person who im honest with and always ends up in me getting hurt.
i also feel empty ....do u read?
read a book called "mans search for meaning" victor frankel ...trust me IT HELPS im reading it at the mo therapist recommended it but thats beside the point.....
anyways mail me if u want to
private@magicmail.co.za
ive been there loads of timessssss
Posted by tinydancer on February 28, 2004, at 3:07:39
In reply to Re: Sad, empty and afraid, posted by obSession on February 27, 2004, at 19:27:21
Thank you for your email, I will email you for sure!
I love to read, books are my life! My favorite authors are Stephen King, Douglas Coupland, Paul Auster, Dennis Cooper and a lot of others. I just finished re reading Vox (woo!) and am working my way through Middlesex now by Jeffrey Eugenides. It's okay. Always looking for new, wonderful books. I like mostly modern literature, the grittier and desolate the better.
For you and anyone else who would like to contact me my email is [xxx]
I would love to hear from you!
Posted by obSession on February 28, 2004, at 14:00:26
In reply to Re: Sad, empty and afraid, posted by obSession on February 27, 2004, at 19:27:21
thanks for message.........
i also recommened a book veronika decides to die -paulo coehlo sorry if spelling is bad-same author as alchemist
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 28, 2004, at 15:41:07
In reply to Re: Sad, empty and afraid, posted by obSession on February 27, 2004, at 19:27:21
> read a book called "mans search for meaning" victor frankel ...
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by obSession on February 29, 2004, at 9:10:57
In reply to Re: double double quotes » obSession, posted by Dr. Bob on February 28, 2004, at 15:41:07
double double quotes im new to this site and not sure what that exactly means....
Posted by fallsfall on February 29, 2004, at 10:22:32
In reply to Re: double double quotes, posted by obSession on February 29, 2004, at 9:10:57
It's a way of providing a link to the book at Amazon.com - so people can find out more about the book you are talking about. You can read the FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) section that Dr. Bob pointed to:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The hard part is the way it is said "double double quotes". A double quote is this: " . Double double quotes are two of those in a row. So if you put two "s before and after the name of the book, you should see a section below where you confirm your post where you can make sure it is pointing to the book that you want (some books have names that are similar to more than one book).
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 2, 2004, at 23:33:42
In reply to Re: double double quotes » obSession, posted by fallsfall on February 29, 2004, at 10:22:32
This is the end of the thread.
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