![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by terrics on February 19, 2004, at 16:20:31
Went to pdoc today. She makes me realize that I will never function normally.
I left my husband 6 yrs ago and bought my own house 35 miles from his. (Yes, his, not mine) I have to say I did quiet well for awhile. Then I started falling. I felt like I was swimming in black slime. Nothing mattered. Pdoc sent me to partial hospitalization and I couldn't work for months. Because the hospital was only 1/2 mi. from my husband I stayed with him. That was in May and I am still here at my husband's. I am afraid to move back home and am only at rest when driving my car as I live neither here nor there. I am very depressed again. I want it to be over, but am not that brave. I'm really, really tired of this and there is not enough time to fix anything. Some people have tough lives. Not me really. What makes everything tough is my body's chemistry and no matter what pdoc tries the chemistry does not go away. terrics
Posted by Elle2021 on February 19, 2004, at 17:11:24
In reply to so unhappy and so tired of it all, posted by terrics on February 19, 2004, at 16:20:31
(((((Terrics)))))
About ending it...I'm glad your not that "brave." I'd miss you and your input here. It kind of sounds like your afraid to be alone and that's why you can't move out of your husband's house. Is that the case? I know how that feels. I know somedays look and feel hopeless, especially when you are trying everything you can think of and nothing works. You can take meds, and they can change your body. I've gone through probably a little over a dozen different medications, looking for the right one. I know it's frustrating. You've just got to keep hanging in there until you find it, and you will. Keep posting here. I love hearing from you. Take care of yourself and call your pdoc if things start to feel overwhelming.
Elle
Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 19:03:39
In reply to so unhappy and so tired of it all, posted by terrics on February 19, 2004, at 16:20:31
Terrics,
Are you sure that your pdoc meant for you to hear that you will never function normally? Or is that what you interpretted what she said to mean?
It does sound like things are really painful for you. I can really relate to being afraid to go home - when I left the hospital (1 1/2 years ago) I was terrified to go home. I was afraid that the things that had put me in the hospital would still be there, and I wasn't sure that I could deal with them yet.
You might want to try a variation of what I did to get back home. When I left the hospital, I went and stayed at a friend's for a few days (she lives 30 minutes away). During those days I came back to my house - with company - for increasing amounts of time (I think the first time I went back all I did was pick up my car). There was someone staying at my house to take care of my dogs. So I could be there as much or as little as I wanted. I trusted myself more during the day, so it was a while before I slept there. Each time I spent a little time at my house I got more confident that I could handle it, and that was why I could increase the amount of time that I spent there. I also started feeling OK to go there by myself.
The first night I slept at home I was pretty scared, but the dog sitter agreed to stay an extra couple of days, so she was there in the middle of the night - if I had needed her (which I didn't). I felt much better not being alone in the house.
Based on how I have felt in the past, if I were in your situation, I would be MORE depressed because I "couldn't" go home. Do you have a friend who would be willing to help you, very gradually, get back to your own house and your own life? I know it sounds scary, but it seems to me that continuing as you are is pretty scary, too.
I don't know if this will help you or not - if it is completely terrifying to even thing of walking into your house, then don't try it now! Only do what you can handle.
Best of luck.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 20, 2004, at 15:31:29
In reply to so unhappy and so tired of it all, posted by terrics on February 19, 2004, at 16:20:31
Awwww, ((((terrics)))) hun. I know what you're saying. I wish all of us on the board had dreams of kittens and puppies playing together, ate ice cream every night for dinner and didn't gain a pound, and we weren't ever depressed or lonely or scared or anxious....
You just have to hold out. And have hope, faith, ect that you will find the miracle drug that changes that chemistry. It's out there hun. And you have to know that there are people on this board who care about you and want to keep reading your posts. There are people out there who depend on you.
Hold on to what little hope you have left. Make the hope up if you have to. I have hope for you, maybe I can send it your way? But, know that things will get better. And that one day you will find the Prince Charming chemical components that "normalize" (would that be the correct word?) your brain's chemistry.
I REALLY have hope that one day everyone will find the drug that works for them. One day, there will be new drugs on the market that work. And I really have hope that you will pull through. I'm pulling extra hard, so you don't have to. We're all pulling for you. With all of this hope combined, how could you not come through.... We love you here. Hang on, the rescue truck is coming soon.
Posted by All Done on February 20, 2004, at 17:23:39
In reply to so unhappy and so tired of it all, posted by terrics on February 19, 2004, at 16:20:31
(((terrics))),
I agree with fallsfall - take baby steps. Maybe once you start feeling a sort of sense of accomplishment about returning home, things will start to look up for you.
Remember, we're here to hold your hand if you want.
Take care,
All Done
Posted by terrics on February 22, 2004, at 9:46:14
In reply to Re: so unhappy and so tired of it all » terrics, posted by All Done on February 20, 2004, at 17:23:39
Thank you Elle, Fallsfall, KarenKay and All done, Yes, I am afraid to be alone. Yes, I go to my empty house every day after work, yes, I wish for a miracle drug. The drug thing I have wished for for many yrs. I'm on 5 and I still get depressed. I also told T. yesterday that I wasn't coming back as I think she is making me sicker. I did not tell her she is making me sicker. I'd love to pull myself up. Some people think one gets depressed on purpose. I would love to have more up days. thanks again, you guys really help. terrics
Posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 12:08:43
In reply to Re: so unhappy thanks, posted by terrics on February 22, 2004, at 9:46:14
Terrics,
Will you find another therapist to help you process this loss?
Posted by terrics on February 22, 2004, at 14:22:14
In reply to Re: so unhappy thanks » terrics, posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 12:08:43
I hope I can find another T. I am in big trouble with depression and have to start work again tomorrow. I derealize [if that is the right term] all the time when I am depressed and I am working in a dream and I don't care. pdoc is not helpful although I may ask for an increase in lithium. She hates to get phone calls even if you are having a reaction to a med. T.and Pdoc what a pair. terrics
Posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 15:34:44
In reply to Re: so unhappy thanks » fallsfall, posted by terrics on February 22, 2004, at 14:22:14
I wish you the best of luck finding a new therapist. I know that it can be done - I did it 8 months ago. I just wrote a (very lengthy) post on my experience (http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316235.html). Maybe that post could be helpful to you - if only to show you that it can be done!
Let us know how it goes.
Posted by terrics on February 22, 2004, at 16:56:29
In reply to Re: so unhappy thanks » terrics, posted by fallsfall on February 22, 2004, at 15:34:44
Thanks, I'll let you know what happens. I do not have the resources that you had, but I am going to try. terrics
Posted by sjb on February 23, 2004, at 10:21:51
In reply to so unhappy and so tired of it all, posted by terrics on February 19, 2004, at 16:20:31
I can relate and hope you find answers. I, too, no longer no where to turn. I'm not afraid to be alone and rather, isolate. I certainly don't recommend that. Right now I'm so ashamed about how horrible I look, I want to run away and hide from everyone.
I guess I'm telling you this because some of your "neediness" may not be a bad thing, esp. when you are at a low point. Maybe a goal would try to be to work on these larger issues and goals, such as independence, at a later point when you are stronger.
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 23, 2004, at 12:52:06
In reply to Re: so unhappy and so tired of it all » terrics, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 19:03:39
Terrics, I am so sorry you really will do better I was wondering that on myself some time ago. What would I do without you here your one of my best friends on these boards. Now on the house issue....can you maybe go to your house and sleepo maybe every so many days like ease into it if you wish..or get a roommate? These are just ideas maybe you deep down want to stay with your husband. Its also possible your T meant that you will never like me not have issues but YOU WILL function well again. I would ask to clarify
hugs
Posted by terrics on February 23, 2004, at 16:55:55
In reply to Re: so unhappy and so tired of it all, posted by sjb on February 23, 2004, at 10:21:51
I am sorry you are having a hard time. This is a good board with good people. It's like having many Ts. I hope you feel better. And what can we do about being needy? Just work on it? terrics
Posted by terrics on February 23, 2004, at 17:00:47
In reply to Re: so unhappy and so tired of it all » fallsfall, posted by Fallen4myT on February 23, 2004, at 12:52:06
Hi, I feel a little better today. You are my friend too. I am going to try to start spending 1 night a week at home. Deep down I do not want to stay with my husband, but he has been good to me since I got 'sick'. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Hope you too feel better. terrics
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 23, 2004, at 17:17:32
In reply to Re: so unhappy and so tired of it all » Fallen4myT, posted by terrics on February 23, 2004, at 17:00:47
Glad to hear youre "some" better...You can still hang with your husband all you want cause he was and is nice and all and thats a good idea to be home now and then...Do you have a pet? May wanna get one :) it might make home more home and less alone if ya know what I mean :)
HUGS
Posted by terrics on February 24, 2004, at 16:24:45
In reply to Re: so unhappy and so tired of it all » terrics, posted by Fallen4myT on February 23, 2004, at 17:17:32
I have a sweet cat. Do you have any pets? terrics
Posted by Fallen4myT on February 24, 2004, at 18:00:56
In reply to Re: so unhappy and so tired of it all » Fallen4myT, posted by terrics on February 24, 2004, at 16:24:45
Yes Terrics I have 4 cats :) They keep me good company. Pets often are better than people not always, but often :)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.