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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 12:49:51
I have noticed that past 4 weeks at least we have gone over during our sessions. Usually about 15 minutes. He never charges me, except once when we went over 30 or 45 minutes. Is this weird? Just thinking about it....
And the session this morning.... He said the "ultimatum" (ie: work harder or I'm going to transfer you out) was his way of slapping my wrist and telling me to keep on the topic. I also noticed he became rather defensive when he brought up that I said he should divorce his wife... I smell problems in that area..
I asked him if he wanted me to leave my boyfriend (this has nothing to do with his wife or marriage problems or anything, just changing topic..) and he said no, but he's a VERY bad liar. Probably the worst liar I've ever seen.. I asked him that because I told him about an innocent conversation I had with a guy at the grocery and Bubba asked, "Did you get his number?" Now, I'm not inclined to ask for guy's numbers, so I saw it as yet another sign he wants me to leave my boyfriend. And only because I talk about the bad things. Again, what's the point in talking about the good things.....
OK, so here's the question of the day folks:
I fyou only talk about the things that need to be changed, how can you be certain your therapist is leading you in the right direction. For example, I only tell him the bad things about my boyfriend (his occassional temper tantrums, control and jealousy issues), so Bubba has a negative view of my boyfriend.... And he may persuade me to become less dependent and to finally leave him because "I can do better" And I honestly feel that he is trying to persuade me to leave my boyfriend. He's suggested getting an apartment if I do, that type of thing.... And my relationship with my boyfriend is suffereing because I keep thinking, "Well Bubba thinks I can do better." But, what if my current boyfriend is a good match? ANd I'm the one with all the problems? I mean I've kinda trained him to be the way he is.
So, how can they give accurate advice and guidance when they only see the bad and not the things that are good? I know I occassionaly talk about the good things, but we focus more on the bad.... Understand, rubberband?
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 18, 2004, at 13:36:41
In reply to This one started small???, posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 12:49:51
wow karen,
same thing i am wondering..
my "bubba" said to talk to a lawyer about my rights...get some money ready...all because i talk about my frustations with him...
i really cant tell if my marriage is lost or if it is just me?
maybe my solemate is a little menatally ill himself and needs me to be patient for another 15 years...
or maybe he is a dic*
"get out , get out while there is still time!!"
j
Posted by Joslynn on February 18, 2004, at 14:10:44
In reply to This one started small???, posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 12:49:51
Regarding the sessions going over, that happens sometimes with my pdoc. If he doesn't have a patient right after me, he will sometimes just continue on after he writes out my scrip. I will put the scrip in my purse and then he will ask about some thing we talked about and the session goes over time, sometimes half an hour over the time, other times just a few minutes over it.
I am not aware of me being the one to cause it. If I apologize for going over, he says, "oh that's ok, I am the one in control of that and I have time."
But if there is a patient after me, then he sticks to the hour. I only see him once every 3-4 weeks so maybe that is why he goes over some time.
I know he goes over with other people some time too, so I know it is not because I am so fascinating, LOL.
My therapist, on the other hand, is much more time-conscious, ending sessions at the same time all the time even if there are no other patients waiting.
Well, that's just my experience with the time thing. The other questions you had are more complex...
Regarding your boyfriend, you are young, so maybe you are just too young and evolving still to make your choice of your forever-man??? When I was in my early 20s, I just had no clue in that area, but that's me. At least now I know what standards I have.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 14:30:45
In reply to Re: This one started small???, posted by justyourlaugh on February 18, 2004, at 13:36:41
But Bubba says there is no such thing as a soul mate. If I had one,, it would be my sister. She even thinks that brain surgeons are smarter than rocket scientists.
Bubba keeps telling me that I need to drop the illussion of a Prince Charming. That there's no such thing. God, I wish there was...
But, I still can't be sure how other relationships work. This is my first one and we've been together for over 5 years. That's a long time for someone my age. And we've decided not to even discuss marriage unti we're both out of school. he's done.
I think I'm just waiting until I'm done with school to see what happens next. See where we stand. Maybe he's thinking the same thing? I'll never know. We don't talk. Not since he said I'm annoying... Screw that. I know I'm not annoying. I'm PERFECT!!! I'll jsut use him until I find someone else that suits me better? But, my shrink says that relationships don't work that wya. That youmake them work. So why do Iget the feeling he wants me to leave my boyfriend.//.. This is just stupid. I was supposed to go to therapy and be able to work on relationships better. now I'm failing.
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2004, at 14:32:43
In reply to This one started small???, posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 12:49:51
Well, you might have a point there. If we only tell our therapists the bad things, they might guess that there might be good things too, but they don't know.
Since my therapist and I have had the chance to do this for nine years, enough reasons why I can't leave my job, my husband, etc. are on the table that he encourages me to stay when I'd like to leave.
Maybe you should take some of the first part of the session to tell him some of the fun things you did together, or some of the nice things he did for you. Then he'll get a more balanced picture.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 14:33:45
In reply to sessions going over » Karen_kay, posted by Joslynn on February 18, 2004, at 14:10:44
First of all, good to see you stranger.. Hope all is well...
Isn't it strange though that I wait until the end to say the hardthings and he falls for the "going over trap" every time? I mean, I'm aware I'm talking to keep staying there, but he goes with it... I'm not complaining, just wondering out loud..
My Pdoc ALWAYS goes over. I have a 20 minute session and I'm always there for an hour. Maybe it's written in some kind of text book that Pdocs have to go over? It seems to be the norm rather than the exception..
Posted by pegasus on February 18, 2004, at 14:59:11
In reply to Re: sessions going over » Joslynn, posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 14:33:45
Are you kidding!?!? My pdoc always cheats me out of 10 minutes or so. Last time I had a half hour appointment, she ended it at 20 minutes, and then later I get the bill and it says $60 for 20-30 minute session. What!!?!?
Plus she always takes phone calls when I'm there. I'm serious, I've never been in her office when she didn't take a phone call. I want to send her a bill for that!
Can you tell I don't like my pdoc?
- p
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2004, at 15:50:20
In reply to Re: sessions going over, posted by pegasus on February 18, 2004, at 14:59:11
Taking phone calls is unprofessional. Period.
My pdoc usually finishes with me in 5-10 minutes of my $80 quarter hour session. Nice racket.
Posted by rs on February 18, 2004, at 18:47:26
In reply to Re: sessions going over, posted by pegasus on February 18, 2004, at 14:59:11
Wow. My therapist took a phone call once. Called him the following day and we got into a argument. First of all he took hours to call back which made things worse. So finally when he called was furious. Told him about the call etc. He was angry. Told me he had someone waiting for him and that the phone call was only a few mintues. Anyway talked about it the following session. Was cool. Well on Friday of last week his phone rang. Guess what? He unplugged it. lol. Again yesterday his phone rang and did the same. Told him that accepted the fact that he receives calls. He said he normally does not. So you know this guy will not answer his phone when I am there. Sorry this is done to you. That is rude. At dentist today and his cell phone rang said you can anwser it your not my therapist.
Posted by terrics on February 18, 2004, at 20:25:14
In reply to This one started small???, posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 12:49:51
You have very complicated questions. The going over time thing is no big deal and unless you asked for more time he should not be charging you. It's his choice even if it is a half hour. My T. often goes over and then apologizes.
Maybe your T. needs a more complete picture of your boyfriend, both good and bad. I think we should all tell the good and bad of our 'problems'. They would have a clearer view of where we are at.
Posted by terrics on February 18, 2004, at 20:35:10
In reply to Re: sessions going over, posted by pegasus on February 18, 2004, at 14:59:11
Your not the only one who doesn't like her pdoc. Mine gives me the full time, but not the time of day. I can't even say "Hi, how are you." She will not acknowledge it. terrics
Posted by terrics on February 18, 2004, at 20:38:02
In reply to Re: sessions going over » pegasus, posted by rs on February 18, 2004, at 18:47:26
I really liked the dentist part. LOL terrics
Posted by fallsfall on February 18, 2004, at 21:40:27
In reply to Re: sessions going over » pegasus, posted by rs on February 18, 2004, at 18:47:26
rs,
I'm so glad he's unplugging the phone during your session. You deserve his undivided attention.
I'll have to remember your dentist quote, too. That is funny.
Posted by All Done on February 19, 2004, at 0:56:04
In reply to This one started small???, posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 12:49:51
I think you had suggested to someone else in another thread to share some things with us before sharing those things in a therapy session. Maybe you could do the same? Tell us what you love about your boyfriend and then bring the list to Bubba. I bet he would like to hear some of the things that make you, his favorite client, happy :).
Then, of course, you could tell Bubba how it makes you feel when you think he wants you to leave your boyfriend.
Posted by pegasus on February 19, 2004, at 10:37:09
In reply to Re: sessions going over » pegasus, posted by rs on February 18, 2004, at 18:47:26
That's great about the dentist.
I talked to my T about the pdoc taking phone calls, and he said that that's unfortunately not unusual with pdocs. But he agreed that it was not good. He wanted me to say something to her, but I don't think I can. I did decide, though, that if she does it again, I'm going to leave. Maybe I'll say, "This is not ok with me. If you can't give me your attention, you shouldn't have made an appointment with me."
Now, your T taking a phone call - that's a different matter. I'd have been really upset also. I'm glad he unplugs it now. You deserve his attention.
- p
Posted by terrics on February 19, 2004, at 10:46:13
In reply to Re: This one started small??? » Karen_kay, posted by All Done on February 19, 2004, at 0:56:04
Sharing before therapy sounds like a really good idea. Maybe it would help alot of us accomplish more in therapy. You are a really insightful group. terrics
Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 18:11:01
In reply to This one started small???, posted by Karen_kay on February 18, 2004, at 12:49:51
Karen,
Sessions going over the allotted time is one of the commonly mentioned "red flags" that a therapist is experiencing transference. Starting and stopping on time are supposed to be some of the really standard boundaries.
As I understand it, it is OK *occasionally* for a session to go over (maybe 2 - 6 times a year, max?). My old therapist would keep me if she thought I was not safe and hadn't gotten a promise to call her before doing something bad. But it really had to be that serious.
Letting you go over is not teaching you to talk about important things early on and make good use of your time. It is teaching you that if you stall, you'll get more of his time - not a lesson you need to learn.
Sorry to be a wet blanket. I know that it feels special to have him go over. Unfortunately, the things that make us feel special in therapy are usually not very good for us.
Posted by rs on February 19, 2004, at 19:36:56
In reply to Re: sessions going over » rs, posted by pegasus on February 19, 2004, at 10:37:09
Yes think no T should accept phone calls unless its an emergency. Mine will not do that again. When it did ring said what if that was an emergemcy and he just looked like doubt it. good luck with this. Getting back to dentist been going there for about 14 years. He knows about the DID and how scared to go in there. He is the best. He shares things as do I. He also said that his ex wife is DID. Anyway he told me went in there with an attitude because of my tooth. looked at him and said is this transference. He later said remind him of his ex wife. Replied are you having transference? Anyway know went off the subject but thoughts are with you.
Posted by obSession on February 23, 2004, at 8:17:48
In reply to Re: sessions going over ?pegasus, posted by rs on February 18, 2004, at 18:47:26
i burst out laughing at u message...my therapis sometimes fogets to switch it off and he is like "sorry" i kinda feel like im a burden by him having to switch it off, i answer mine in sessions which is funny, he feels all intrududed on but i want him to feel like that sometimes.
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