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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by catachrest on February 16, 2004, at 14:03:38
Warning - this post is a "downer".
I've been officially depressed for about 3/4 of a year (when I was diagnosed) now and I'm just so tired of everything to do with it. I first went to see my doctor because I was tired of feeling so horrible all the time and because my thoughts of escape were starting to scare me. But as much as I keep hearing how there are treatments out there that work, no one's sharing them with me. I started taking Effexor, waited thorugh the waiting period to get counselling, but neither seems to be having any effect anymore. the Effexor just makes me sleepy and shuddery and the counselling sessions seem more like small talk, or else just wind up being me sitting there unable to talk or respond to his questions while he looks at me waiting for me to answer (not a comment on his skill, rather on the efficacy of this therapy for me). It doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything. For a little while I felt a lot better, determined to take this on and get my life under control, but lately I keep recognizing the same feelings again, the same thoughts, the same propensity to stare out the window or surf the net instead of getting something done, the same desire to cry or hide. This plus the added features of Effexor SEs and an hour's uncomfortable appointment every couple of weeks with my counsellor.
I'm just so tired of it all. I don't believe that treatment works or that I'll have the strength to make it work. It's liek the old joke - how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change. I don't have enough strength of will to change. I've prayed about it, I've beat myself up about it, I've taken medicine and seen counsellors. I feel like I might as well just accept that nothing's ever going to be better, but I can't accept that either.
Sigh. Thanks for listening.
Susan
Posted by Penny on February 16, 2004, at 14:12:27
In reply to tired of it, posted by catachrest on February 16, 2004, at 14:03:38
Yes - we've all been there. Not that that makes you feel any better, but just know you're not alone.
Believe it or not, there really are things that work, but, as you've probably seen on this board, there is no one 'right' treatment - what works for me might not work for you - and it sometimes takes a LONG time of trial and error to find the magic combination of meds and/or therapy to get depression under control.
I wish I knew what to tell you, but what I can say is to keep posting on this board, as it is a wonderful support for many of us, find a good psychiatrist (pdoc) you can trust, find a good therapist if that's something you are interested in continuing with, and don't give up.
And realize that you can't just snap out of it. Despite what you might have been told - depression is an illness, and you can no more snap out of it than you could snap out of having diabetes. And most people, IMO, who have never suffered from depression don't understand that very important fact. But those of us on this board do understand. That I can tell you for sure.
Don't give up after only trying one med - many of us here have been on so many, and it often takes a combination (cocktail) of meds to be effective - hence the importance of a competent pdoc. And don't give up on your first therapy experience either - perhaps you are right, that this particular method of therapy and/or therapist aren't right for you. But that doesn't mean you won't be able to find the right therapy for you.
And, above all, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP. That's something that I can guarantee is only going to make you feel worse. In fact, it's symptomatic of the disease.
Do you have a good support system?
P
Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 15:10:27
In reply to tired of it, posted by catachrest on February 16, 2004, at 14:03:38
Warning, this post is an "Upper" :)
First of all, all I have in my life to keep me going is the Hope tht everything will turn out fine, and good, and well, and FABULOUS!!!! I'm not sure where I got this Hope, but I have it. And you can find it too. I try to find a small bit of happiness in the little things, a bird, my doggie, the snow (it's pretty you know?), the sunset, COFFEE!!!!, ect... It keeps me going. Maybe you can find that Hope too??
If you are uncomfortable with your therapist, can you switch to a different one? Or try to make this one work? Just be completely honest. Say, "Hey! You suck!" or "Hey! I'm not going anywhere" or "Hey! I hate you" Be completely honest with your therapist and see if that helps. If you don't think you're going anywhere, try to make thinkgs happen on your own. Where I was depressed, I forced myself to at least look into volunteer work. I knew I couldn't get a job, but I could volunteer at the animal shelter. Or (I could at least call around and look into it. It makes you feel better to accomplish something....
I'm thinking about you. And Do Not accept that you aren't going to get better. Have faith and hope tht you will. Just trying to have a positive attitude works wonders.....
Posted by cubic_me on February 17, 2004, at 5:24:16
In reply to Re: tired of it, posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 15:10:27
Depression makes you feel depressed ;) makes you feel like nothing is working and nothing is ever going to get better. I feel like that most of the time, but sometimes, like you said, you get that little glimmer of hope that you can get through this. Try to hold on to that, when you are at your lowest remind yourself that you haven't always felt like this, and you won't feel like this forever. Things will get better.
It taks so much work and pain and frustration. I've been depressed for 8 years, but only in treatment for one. Nothing seems to be getting better at the moment, but it seems too soon to give up. I don't want to be remembered as the woman who couldn't be bothered to fight it, the weakling.
We're all here for you any time you want to talk, good times and bad times. Downers are allowed, otherwise we'd have nothing to respond to!
xxx
This is the end of the thread.
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