Posted by catachrest on February 16, 2004, at 14:03:38
Warning - this post is a "downer".
I've been officially depressed for about 3/4 of a year (when I was diagnosed) now and I'm just so tired of everything to do with it. I first went to see my doctor because I was tired of feeling so horrible all the time and because my thoughts of escape were starting to scare me. But as much as I keep hearing how there are treatments out there that work, no one's sharing them with me. I started taking Effexor, waited thorugh the waiting period to get counselling, but neither seems to be having any effect anymore. the Effexor just makes me sleepy and shuddery and the counselling sessions seem more like small talk, or else just wind up being me sitting there unable to talk or respond to his questions while he looks at me waiting for me to answer (not a comment on his skill, rather on the efficacy of this therapy for me). It doesn't feel like I'm accomplishing anything. For a little while I felt a lot better, determined to take this on and get my life under control, but lately I keep recognizing the same feelings again, the same thoughts, the same propensity to stare out the window or surf the net instead of getting something done, the same desire to cry or hide. This plus the added features of Effexor SEs and an hour's uncomfortable appointment every couple of weeks with my counsellor.
I'm just so tired of it all. I don't believe that treatment works or that I'll have the strength to make it work. It's liek the old joke - how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change. I don't have enough strength of will to change. I've prayed about it, I've beat myself up about it, I've taken medicine and seen counsellors. I feel like I might as well just accept that nothing's ever going to be better, but I can't accept that either.
Sigh. Thanks for listening.
Susan
poster:catachrest
thread:314125
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/314125.html