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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on February 5, 2004, at 19:23:42
Last night, I had this conversation with my dad about my dependency on my therapist..and he started to tell me that I shouldnt be calling my therapist and that it wasnt fair to her that I called her like I did...and that she has other people she needs to be focusing on. I then told him that she had said she didnt mind at all that i called.. He tried to change the subject several times and I wouldnt let him but he then started telling me exactly how he felt about me..he told me that i dont take pride in myself and that i dont dress right for work and that maybe if i did more people would be interested in getting to know me...you know, he is right but i told him ..how can I dress and look like everyone wants me to when i cannot even stand to look at myself in the mirror...I cannot stand myself or the way I look...if i cannot please myself..it is really hard for me to please everyone else He told me he cant help me and that i have to help myself but, my way of helping myself is by calling my therapist..and yet i dont want to bother her.....I spent the next hour after i hung up with him crying on the floor and i woke up this morning with the worst headache. I work for my dad and when he got to work, he didnt speak to me. All he said was I hope you will be ok and I responded.."me to" and that was it. He left town for a week and didnt even say goodbye to me...I was so upset...my therapist told me that she wants me to consider me doing family therapy with her involving my mom bc it would help tremendously but i am too afraid of it and my mom wont consider it and that stinks because my therapist said that she is representing herself as an object to me..something that I am missing in my life and that once i find what im missing..i will be less dependent of her. BUT, if I cant patch things up with my mom...OBVIOUSLY im going to be missing something (my moms relationship with me) and so basically im stuck...right? Im not progressing in therapy. I was wanting to cancel all of my appts ..i mentioned that in a different post, but I only canceled two of them...i just wanted to prove to myself that I can go without talking to her...but, in my mind i know that i need to be going..i just HATE being dependent. I figured if i stopped my appts..i would have time to cool off and then try again...but i dont know. I called her office today to talk to the receptionist about it and she said she was going to leave the appts on the book and i could just tell her wether or not i was going to keep in when she calls me to confirm.She reminded me that its ok for me to call them and that that was what they were there for... So, later after work I called to try and speak to my therapist and she didnt return my call..but she will call me tomorrow which kind of stinks because it is getting increasingly difficult for me to receive calls at work (everyone knows im in therapy and that she calls me and it is so embarressing...plus when i have to leave and talk to her...my boss gets irritated) Im just so upset and depressed about everything. I want to just shut the world out and sleep..im so exhausted with my problems and what bothers me most is that I cannot fix them...they just seem to be getting worse. I dont know what to do..im so sad. And, I feel like im going to explode if I have to talk about my issues tomorrow with my boss..she already told me she wants to speak to me tomorrow and if she is asking me about this stuff (we are really close) Im liable to really shut down or get really upset. I just dont know what to do or say or what. I feel like im alone and that no one really cares what im going through and that what im going through is really real..my family thinks im making it a bigger issue than it really is...:( Help me...<>< thanks.
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2004, at 19:55:25
In reply to everything is going CRAZY....., posted by Pandabear on February 5, 2004, at 19:23:42
I think you should probably keep the appointments. Don't worry about proving anything to yourself or anyone else. Talk about it with your therapist, and the two of you decide whether your behavior is appropriate and useful for your therapy.
You say you work for your Dad. Was he commenting on your attire as a boss? If he was, then I guess you should probably consider his words. If they were said as a Dad, you can simply thank him for his concern. That's my favorite compalint dodging nonconfrontational technique. It's hard juggling those dual roles, and you have my sympathy for the blurry lines between emotional and professional issues.
Posted by Pandabear on February 5, 2004, at 20:59:14
In reply to Re: everything is going CRAZY..... » Pandabear, posted by Dinah on February 5, 2004, at 19:55:25
actually, i have several bosses in my dads office...he isnt my boss..the office manager is my boss and then my dad...so I usually have to go through her on things..but she hasnt been commenting on my attire. She did a few years ago but, she also sent me home to change..(i was much younger then) so now, I know if she had issues with my attire then she would tell me to fix it...its not fun having so many bosses...:)
Posted by Karen_kay on February 5, 2004, at 21:38:36
In reply to Re: everything is going CRAZY..... » Dinah, posted by Pandabear on February 5, 2004, at 20:59:14
You and your therapist are the ones who decide together what "traits" are harmful to your well being. And mostly you. Your therapist just helps point you in the right direction. Your friends and family can say that you are dependent on your therapist until they are blue in the face, but if you ask your therapist and your therapist says it's not a concern, then don't be concerned about it!!!! Honestly!!! If you are having doubts about whether you are dependent upon your therapist, ask your therapist. Chances are that you'll get an honest answer.
As for the work attire, I'd say if your immediate supervisor isn't complaining, I wouldn't worry about it. Your father may complain, but dads do that. If you are unsure, ask your supervisor. I used to be unsure (as I have long legs and no hips so my skirts would somehow manage to be short... I know, excuses, excuses :)) and I would have no problem asking a supervisor I felt comfortable talking to. So, find one you can speak candidly with and ask.
If your mother refuses to go to therapy, then just set your mind to working on what you want to accomplish. Once you feel better about yourself, you'll be more equipped to dealing with other things that come your way.
And my boyfriend frequently tells me that I "run small issues into the ground." I don't care. If people think that the things that are important to you aren't a big deal, then they're wrong! And that's the truth! Work on the things that you feel are important and don't try to let what your family or friends get to you. I understand that it's hard. But, once you start to get that hard outer shell, things tend to bounce off of you. Just because people don't see the importance of the issues you need to resolve in therapy, doesn't make them of less importance to you! And that's the truth.
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2004, at 21:39:29
In reply to Re: everything is going CRAZY..... » Dinah, posted by Pandabear on February 5, 2004, at 20:59:14
I report to four bosses directly now. I used to have a central boss who coordinated the others. :(
Posted by Poet on February 5, 2004, at 21:39:48
In reply to everything is going CRAZY....., posted by Pandabear on February 5, 2004, at 19:23:42
Hi Pandabear,
If your therapist told you it's okay to call her, call her whenever you need her. I think everyone in therapy is dependent on their therapist to some degree. You have to be in order to trust him/her.
I understand that talking to your therapist at work is like broadcasting it to everyone. If it's not a complete crisis, could she call you afterwork or on a cell phone during lunch?
I hope you can work something out. Hang in there.
Poet
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