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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 32. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 0:52:16
I'm really tired and feeling pretty low. I need a new definition of progress in therapy...or maybe any definition or example of progress. I want to be convinced that this is worth it, that people do feel better. I can't imagine a light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel seems too long and too dark tonight.
Or maybe I need humor...any "funny" therapy/therapist stories to tell? If my kids were home they would tell me corny jokes and make puns.
I guess I'm looking to be cheered up? And hoping it is possible.
Daisy
Posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 8:36:10
In reply to Definition of Progress, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 0:52:16
Daisy,
I think it is worth it, but it is not a straight line from here to there. Two steps forward, one step back, and at times the opposite.As for funny stories, I don't know how funny this is, but my T interprets the most mundane things. I've posted some of this elsewhere, but here are some of his gems.
First, I came in one day on a day off...I had no clients and did not need to go into the office, so I was wearing jeans and had a fairly breezy, casual hairstyle that day. I NEVER get to wear jeans anymore, so I took advantage of the opportunity. Interpretation: I was "loosening up."
One day I was wearing tall boots with a riding skirt. Interpretation: I felt the need to wear protection as I was ready to "wade through the muck." Yo Bear, they're fashionable.
Showed up with a Venti Starbucks latte one day: Interpretation: I seem to need extra soothing today. (Okay, he was probably right on with that one.)
Most recent session when my hair was curly (usually do it straight, it's got a mind of it's own), and I was wearing glasses instead of contacts, and had little makeup on: Intrepretation: I am breaking through my defenses and my authentic true self is coming through. Actually, I am trying to get rid of a rash under my eye which I think is an allergic reaction to some product. Just don't know which yet, so discontinued most. (Admittedly, he did have other stuff to go on for this interpretation, and I actually came in feeling like I had made a breakthrough).
But sometimes it's just fashion!
Your kids sound wonderful, Daisy. They obviously have a good role model in caring. I was just emailed a list of punny statements. They were rather cute, but a little long to post. I'll try to pick out the best.
Hang in, Daisy. YOU are worth it!
gg
Posted by EmmyS on January 31, 2004, at 9:13:03
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress, posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 8:36:10
Although his fashion radar needs some tuning, it's still great input. I'm thinking of it from the perspective of your patients who will be totally obsessing on you at some point in their therapy....as we all know we do! They'll wonder why the giant coffee today, and, so she earns enough to afford Starbucks Venti?, and I wonder why her hair is curly - did she do that for me?, and why so little makeup today? didn't she get up on time today? is she sick?? etc., etc.,....
One day my T came in with the most absurdly ugly pair of socks, and I was distracted for the whole hour wondering why he didn't get his laundry done. Those little things become big when we are feeling vulnerable, a wee overly connected, and ummmm...nutty.
Emmy
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 10:12:52
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress, posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 8:36:10
gg, those "fashion interpretations" are hysterical! I think sometimes Ts like to flex their psychological muscles a little too much.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 11:07:23
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 10:12:52
Oh, the fashion bug... It was a tug of war with me and my therapist. He would always say, "Now, you don't have to dress up for me." But he would always comment on how nice I looked. So, he's sending mixed messages. What's a girl to do? Of course I still dress up for therapy :) If I were to have five appointments in one day, I'd wear five different outfits.
Daisy, I can come up with a few stories for you:
Once, when I was doing laundry at the laundry mat when I lived in an apartment, a lady was getting change out of a machine and out of nowhere, as the quarters started coming down the hatch, she yelled, "JACKPOT!" I knew I had to go talk to this lady, as she was my kind of gal!
I recently got into a debate with my therapist over who the smarter person is: a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon. He chose a rocket scientist (I still believe a brain surgeon). But, the funny thing is, when I debate my therapist, if my opinion differs from his, I have to laugh because he actually tries to convince me to change my mind. He kept going on and on about how NASA only takes "the best of the best" and that theoretically anyone could learn to be a brain surgeon. He seemed to become rather frustrated when I wouldn't accept his point of view and change my opinion.
Oh, I have something funny! My therapist is rather paranoid about receiving prank phone calls. Well, I checked my caller ID and I've received several phone calls that say "Unknown number." And now I wonder, "Has my therapist been pranking me to get even because he thinks that I've been pranking him?" I'm going to ask him about it, but I fear he's going to think I'm silly. Grrrr... Who in the world has been pranking me now????? Can you catch paranoia?? This is driving me batty!!
*Therapy is very hard and scary. But, it's supposed to be. If it wasn't hard, then the final outcome wouldn't be so great. I know you (and me and everyone) sometimes wonders, "Is it really worth all of this?" But you really have to say yes. And have faith that you can get through it. I think the key is just having faith hun. And it's really hard putting your faith into something that you aren't sure is worth it, or you aren't sure that "everything is going to be ok." But, if it didn't hurt this bad, then the final outcome wouldn't be so good.
I know I constantly ask myself, why don't I just quit now while I'm ahead, but I know I still have so much unfinished business to attend to. And I've never been a quitter. Nope, I'm gonna stick it out, if it takes methe rest of my life. So, if I'm laying on my death bed and I can finally look up and smile and finally say, with my last breath, "You know what, I'm finally happy. I'm not angry or hurt or have any hurt feelings towards anyone anymore!" That's when I know I've finally done it. And I don't think I'll mind all the bad things that happened or the hurt I've gone through. I just want some peace. And I know that day's coming. And I KNOW it's coming for all of us! Just hang in there girlie. It will pass. I promise.
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 13:22:20
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 11:07:23
Thanks for making me smile and the encouragement.
Karen -- I love what you said about faith, and I'm trying to keep it. (Though, I haven't been to Church since Christmas, it is too emotional for me right now but now I have something ELSE to feel guilty about.) Faith in the process comes and goes. I'm glad you see yourself peaceful at some point. I'm trying to visual this. It is lost in the memory flood. Can I put my finger back in the dike yet?
GG -- I DO have great kids, they are amazing (and frustrating and demanding and...) Three boys and together they are writing a book called "Rhymes and PUNishment" -- they are huge pun fans. My oldest called me to tell me that he was bored in his ECON class this week and ended up doodling on his knee "I'm Kneet!" -- I had to ask, "is this what my money is paying for!!!" *smile*
Miss Honey -- Fashion is not one of my Therapist's strengths, I don't think. He is a standard sweater/polo-shirt kind of guy. Now my son's therapist who is pretty young - he dressed really nice and had a great variety of shoes and socks. I, on the other hand, usually come from work so have on a suit or nice dress and heels. I love to shop and my shoe collection is a joke to my employees. My therapist has never commented on this until Christmas - I was giving a speech to a bunch of gov't officials so I was REALLY dressed up - red silk suit, etc. -- and then I had Therapy in the PM. He walked into the waiting room and said, "well, you've been somewhere important today..." *sigh* I guess "you look nice" crosses those boundaries for him. I have gone in jeans on days off, he never says a word.
I appreciate the stories. The sun is out this morning, though I'm at working trying to catch up. I spend too much time staring out the window these days. Good thing I have my own office.
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 13:23:36
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 13:22:20
Posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 13:42:27
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 13:22:20
Oh Daisy...
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to want to change itself....
Not that I'm pointing a finger or anything like that... Just a joke I read somewhere. Thought it might cheer you up a bit. Take all the time you want to stare out the window. Imagine one day that you'll be out there happy and healthy and full of life and energy... I know you will, you just need to know it :)
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 14:12:55
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 13:42:27
Thanks Karen,
Why do such kind posts make the tears come? I'm sick of this...
Now, I must work...I must...
Posted by Racer on January 31, 2004, at 14:45:09
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 14:12:55
Daisy, I can't offer you anything helpful, but I can type an awful lot while not offering it. Does that help?
Time was, therapists were trained that a woman wearing makeup was obviously expressing her return to health. Then, 'round the 70s, that changed to a model of makeup as mask, hiding herself behind the painted facade.
I think at this point, most Ts have thrown most of that out, in favor of a case by case exploration of the meaning of mascara or just ignoring the entire thing.
Sounds as if we're both NOCers and both in CA? Wanna compare notes via email? I'll tell you my best fundraising stories in exchange for yours, that's a promise...
Posted by Crooked Heart on January 31, 2004, at 15:07:58
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » DaisyM, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 13:42:27
> How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
>
> One, but the lightbulb has to want to change itself....
Aargh, Karen, you got in first with the *only* therapy joke that I know! :)Talking about one's children, Daisy, I really didn't want mine to know at first that I was in therapy--*I* do the looking after people, right? They were fine with it though. If my daughter was home when I returned from a session she would do this great mock sarcastic routine and sneer: 'Found yerself yet?' I had to laugh even when I felt bad underneath.
My therapist was an immensely kind but poker-faced
individual. The only time I can remember making her laugh was regarding a particular group of mental health professionals who were at loggerheads, and I said in passing that they were all experts in interpersonal relationships, that was why they all hated each other.Only other joke I can think of is Woody Allen's story about his uncle who believed himself to be a chicken. The rest of the family couldn't tell him that he wasn't. Why? Because they needed the
eggs :) That's probably relevant to family therapy?Jokes aside, Karen you said it all about the bad and good times.
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 15:21:48
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » DaisyM, posted by Racer on January 31, 2004, at 14:45:09
How do I get your email address? And yes, in Cal -North of GG Bridge. What kind of nonprofit are you involved with?
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 15:31:47
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » Karen_kay, posted by Crooked Heart on January 31, 2004, at 15:07:58
Interestingly, the only one of my children who knows I'm in therapy is my youngest. His Therapist dragged me into all this and then pushed me to tell my son to "normalize" what he was going through. We have an understanding that it is "private" and not for open discussion with other people. He is a very sweet, sensitive child (part of the problem, the world eats kids like him) so it hasn't been a problem.
My other two are teenagers, great kids but totally self-involved, as they should be. One is away at college so really isn't plugged into what is happening at home.
I love that they use humor to cope with all the crap at home. Their dad is pretty sick so some days the moods are bad, plus they miss how much he use to play with them. Sometimes it gets disrespectful but I need to allow them some room in this...besides it makes me laugh. (I'm so bad!)
Posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 16:05:21
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » gardenergirl, posted by EmmyS on January 31, 2004, at 9:13:03
Oh no, something new for me to obsess about. I have to admit, I don't really think too much about the impact of my everyday appearance on my clients. I usually just think about the big picture, i.e. what if they had an evil, red-headed wicked step-sister? :)
I'll have to think about this. Thanks for pointing it out, seriously.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 16:09:17
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress, posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 16:05:21
Posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 16:10:50
In reply to Sounds like a deal » Racer, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 15:21:48
For Daisy and her kids:
Subject: Parodies on our language-Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
-A backward poet writes inverse.
-A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
-Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
-Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
-Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
-A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
-Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
-Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
-Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
-Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
-When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
-A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
-What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
-Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
-She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
-A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
-If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
-With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
-When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
-The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
-You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
-Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
-He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
-Every calendar's days are numbered.
-A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
-A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
-He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
-A plateau is a high form of flattery.
-A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
-Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
-Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
-Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
-Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
-Acupuncture is a jab well done
Posted by Racer on January 31, 2004, at 16:22:48
In reply to Sounds like a deal » Racer, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 15:21:48
Hmmm... I'm not very comfortable giving out my email address on the board, so that's a question. Are you in contact via email with anyone on the board? Maybe we overlap?
And I've worked for a number of different sorts of NPOs, all directed at low income sector individuals. Tax return preparation, technology training, educational, etc. And none of them ever managed to get funding like you're talking about. Just ask me about the time I suggested that maybe making individual telephone calls to people at work, begging for money, wasn't the most optimal method of fundraising...
I used to live in Sonoma County, though I've landing smack in the middle of SillyCone Valley now. You've got it good up there, no matter what else is going on.
(And I'll go see if I can set up a new free email for you. letcha know.)
Posted by Racer on January 31, 2004, at 16:31:26
In reply to Sounds like a deal » Racer, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 15:21:48
Sorry, I guess I should have held off on that last post. You can reach me at babbler39 at excite dot com.
Looking forward to discussing nonprofits and other esoterica...
Posted by Poet on January 31, 2004, at 17:11:15
In reply to Definition of Progress, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 0:52:16
Hi Daisy,
My therapist wears one pair of sandals in spring/summer and one pair of shoes in fall/winter.
Think she has footwearaphobia?I bought four new pairs of shoes for my new job. I'm normal!
Poet
Posted by pegasus on January 31, 2004, at 18:51:55
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » DaisyM, posted by Poet on January 31, 2004, at 17:11:15
All of your comments about therapists interpreting mundane things made me think of my therapist recently asking me if I ever wear makeup. Hello! Only every day! I suppose it might be a compliment that he thought it was all natural, but I think it's just him being oblivious. He actually said that he didn't like it when women wear makeup. And I thought . . . well, if you don't even know the difference between makeup and no makeup, how can you make such a statement! I'm glad he didn't try to interpret anything from my "not" wearing makeup!
-p
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 18:56:26
In reply to Re: Sounds like a deal » DaisyM, posted by Racer on January 31, 2004, at 16:22:48
I already did that: try - BabbleDaisyMM@aol.com
That should get to me.
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 18:57:39
In reply to got one » DaisyM, posted by Racer on January 31, 2004, at 16:31:26
should have kept reading, sorry.
Posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 19:02:30
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress » DaisyM, posted by Poet on January 31, 2004, at 17:11:15
I totally agree! I got new pink high tops for my birthday. Totally out of character but I love them. :)
Posted by Raindancer on January 31, 2004, at 19:41:02
In reply to Definition of Progress, posted by DaisyM on January 31, 2004, at 0:52:16
Hello Daisy, So sorry you're feeling down. It will get better - therapy is such a zigzaggy (?) path and you often feel you're not getting anywhere and going backwards instead of forwards, but all the while you are getting stronger. You don't notice it at first but then you meet a situation and you suddenly feel it. As you know it has been tough for me lately (and you've helped so much - and i haven't forgotten the list!) and I find a good thing is not to look too far ahead-. Just take one day at a time and get the best you can from that one day and try to live in the moment. It's not easy I know, in fact it's really hard. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and send you thoughts and hugs. R
Posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 20:43:35
In reply to Re: Definition of Progress, posted by pegasus on January 31, 2004, at 18:51:55
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