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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Asya on January 21, 2004, at 16:12:45
I see my T for my fifth session next Monday and I am just feeling like I haven't suffered enough to warrant therapy. Does anyone understand what I mean? I feel, of course, that I have had my share of difficulties in life, and I am definitely going through a tough time right now (though it's been hard to pinpoint why and how to get out of it, which is why I came to therapy) -- but I feel like a spoiled brat going to therapy, in a way. Also, I was wondering, how do you guys start your sessions? small talk? I find my T doesn't say much, just asks 'How are yuu?" and I suaully take it from there. Sometimes I feel awkward just launching into things, I don't know. I am feeling so insecure right now. Please advise.
Posted by All Done on January 21, 2004, at 17:09:12
In reply to Feeling oddly insecure about therapy..., posted by Asya on January 21, 2004, at 16:12:45
> I see my T for my fifth session next Monday and I am just feeling like I haven't suffered enough to warrant therapy. Does anyone understand what I mean? I feel, of course, that I have had my share of difficulties in life, and I am definitely going through a tough time right now (though it's been hard to pinpoint why and how to get out of it, which is why I came to therapy) -- but I feel like a spoiled brat going to therapy, in a way. Also, I was wondering, how do you guys start your sessions? small talk? I find my T doesn't say much, just asks 'How are yuu?" and I suaully take it from there. Sometimes I feel awkward just launching into things, I don't know. I am feeling so insecure right now. Please advise.
>>Asya,
I feel the same way about going to therapy, but after a bit of reading on the subject, I've decided that it's okay to go "just" to improve my life. Stress, depression, and anxiety shouldn't be the norm and I want to feel happy again. I've asked my therapist on several occassions if he thinks I should be there and I've wondered if I'm being needy or selfish. (He just says, "is that how you feel?" Umm, yeah.) I still haven't convinced myself 100% that it's okay, but most of the time I don't worry too much about it. I think most people need a little help coping every once in a while (or more) and too many people don't reach out for that help.
Also, never miss out on the opportunity to get to know yourself better. I have hope that as I do that, everyday will get just a little better and brighter. (Is that the optimism of a newbie? I hope not.)
I've been in therapy for about seven months and I still feel awkward at the beginning of each session. I usually start the "how are yous?" and "how was your week?" He says he's okay and asks about me. That's when I start my never-ending rambling : ).
Take care,
All Done
Posted by naiad on January 21, 2004, at 17:47:35
In reply to Re: Feeling oddly insecure about therapy... » Asya, posted by All Done on January 21, 2004, at 17:09:12
Hi Asya,
My therapist has to remind me that I have experienced a traumatic event and that its okay for me to be there. Just tonight we talked about the fact that my husband is not similarly traumatized by our son's near death. He has comparmentalized the event and put it away and I get to deal with all of the emotions. Lucky me!
Anyway, I live a very privileged life in some ways so it is hard for me to accept that I should be depressed without also feeling guilty about it. My goal in therapy is to explore my life and get some insight into some of my self defeating behaviors. I would also like to get rid of (understand) some old anger. Since I really like my therapist i am taking advantage of this opportunity to do the digging into the past to get some answers.
As for how we start -- it is a bit awkward so I usually try to have some idea of what I want to talk about. No small talk beyond hello. He just sits and waits for me to begin. The begining of the session has almost become a ritual. I rub my hands over my face and just start talking.
Posted by Rigby on January 21, 2004, at 18:44:29
In reply to Feeling oddly insecure about therapy..., posted by Asya on January 21, 2004, at 16:12:45
Hi Asya,
One question and a few thoughts.
May I ask what prompted you to begin therapy?
Some thoughts...
1. I think it's a fairly common psychological defense to think that everything is "fine" so you don't need to dig and probe. Chances are, whatever prompted you to start is worth looking into. Listen to your instincts.
2. It can't hurt to set goals for your therapy. And it can't hurt to be as clear as possible as to why you're there. If you're unclear you may even ask that your therapist help you to clarify what you need and why you're there and help you come up with a few concrete goals to work towards. I've been in therapy for two years and I'd say every 3-6 months I re-evaluate why I'm there and my goals. I've got three I'm working on to get to completion.
3. Regarding how to start. You're paying for every minute of therapy. For me, a fifty minute session is $75. That's a buck fifty a minute. Five minutes on weather-talk and $7.50 is gone. I usually take a deep breath and say, "So. Where were we?" It sets a tone for me of, "I'm here to work." It's never interpretted as rude or abrupt--I usually smile when I say it but again the message is we're here to focus.
Hope this helps a bit. Hang in there--it takes time.
Rigby
Posted by Karen_kay on January 21, 2004, at 18:50:38
In reply to Feeling oddly insecure about therapy..., posted by Asya on January 21, 2004, at 16:12:45
Well, I'd say if you are in therapy then you have a reason to be there. I mean, people don't just go to therapy for no reason. Anyway, wouldn't it be better in a way if you were there for no reason? I wish I was, though I tend to act like I am :) But, enough about me...
I don't have a problem starting the session. Usually my therapist (Bubba, in case you didn't know his name) asks how I am and I say fine. Then I ask him a couple of questions and a conversation starts from there. Somehow, he's a master at rounding the conversation back to things I need to discuss. Or, if I feel that I'm not "giving" enough, I'll feel bad and talk about things I'd rather not. But, my therapy sessions are much more like "honest" conversations I'd have with a friend, except that I'm honest (to a certain extent) and he knows things that my friends don't.
The small talk isn't important. And I'm sure that once you see your therapist more, you'll get a bit more used to diving in. It just takes some time.
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2004, at 19:08:43
In reply to Feeling oddly insecure about therapy..., posted by Asya on January 21, 2004, at 16:12:45
I think it's pretty common for people to feel like they need to "earn" the right to therapy. If you're going through a tough time right now, you have every right to your therapist's time. If your therapist didn't think he could help you because everything was just fine, he'd tell you. Mine is always so enthusiastic about my need for therapy that it almost makes me feel bad. :)
I usually have something that I have jotted down on sticky notes in my appt book from the last session. Sometimes just notes, sometimes I'll write him a letter or bring in a post. But I generally have some idea of what I want to explore - if possible a continuation of the prior session. Or if I've had a rotten week, I just start blurting out my multitudinous problems. I usually ask him how everything is first, and I've let him know that's the time to tell me about upcoming travel or termination or anything potentially disturbing so that we can spend all session on it if necessary. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2004, at 20:14:38
In reply to Re: Feeling oddly insecure about therapy... » Asya, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2004, at 19:08:43
I too sometimes think that going to therapy feels like an indulgence, and I feel guilty about it at times. Same as getting my monthly massage (which I think really is a necessary indulgence!) But I am finally learning that it's okay to take care of myself and to ask for and work towards obtaining what I need. Anyone who wants to work on or understand something about themselves is entitled to therapy in my book. More power to us for going!
As a psych trainee and a therapy client, I have two bits to offer. First, I know that sometimes I really appreciate having a high functioning client who is working more towards self-actualization. It balances out with those who are in crisis mode, at least for me. I would not want strictly one or the other on my caseload.
Also, the therapy-client relationship is unlike any other. If you think about meeting with anyone else you know, you would usually begin with pleasantries, ask about their day, etc. You would also have more of a two-way street of dialog. You share, they share, and so on and so on. But therapy is very different, and this can feel really odd at first. I sometimes say, "how are you?" before getting started, which usually doesn't get me much. But other times I just jump right in. That's what I'm there for. But it takes time to get used to this feeling and the uniqueness of the relationship.
Take care, and I'm sure you are doing fine!
gg
Posted by Penny on January 21, 2004, at 21:03:14
In reply to Feeling oddly insecure about therapy..., posted by Asya on January 21, 2004, at 16:12:45
My thoughts regarding your lack of suffering :-) - Do you have a certain level of suffering in mind that would warrant therapy? Because, if you're like many of us here, you probably downplay how bad things are for you anyway. And, sure, some of us have it worse than others. But life is hard, even if you don't suffer from a mental illness, relationship problems, other health problems, problems with kids, problems with work, problems with parents, and the list goes on... But we all have *some* problems, right?
So, I look at therapy as being a learning experience. For some of us, therapy is a 'must'. For others, it's optional. But even if you don't fall into the 'must have therapy' category, I think you can benefit. IMHO - I think EVERYONE could benefit from quality time spent with a good therapist. Because most of us are screwed up in one way or another, ya' know?
You don't have to be suffering to deserve taking time each week with a professional who helps you take care of YOU. You deserve to be in therapy if you so choose simply because you are worthwhile.
As for starting sessions, I probably tend to do more small talk stuff than I should, and my T lets me get away with it, and, if I'm not mistaken, enjoys it somewhat as well. But it usually leads into other things. I think I was better at diving in with my former T, but I think my current T takes some things a bit slower, and she certainly isn't into pushing me. I don't recommend spending your entire session talking about things that aren't really important to you, but a little small talk, if it helps put you at ease, is fine. Just try to not let it keep you from talking about the things that might really be bothering you.
There's no right or wrong way to be a therapy patient (regardless of how perfect some of us would like to be! ;-) - I'm sure you're doing fine. You might ask your T for recommendations on how you can prepare for sessions, if that's something you're worried about. Ideas like others said above - letter writing, journaling, etc., might help you collect your thoughts.
It will be okay. Therapy takes some adjustment time...
P
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 22, 2004, at 8:32:45
In reply to Re: Feeling oddly insecure about therapy..., posted by naiad on January 21, 2004, at 17:47:35
Aysa,
I feel the same way. I have never had anything horrible happen to me and I have lead a privileged life. In the beginning of therapy, like you, I felt ridiculous for going. And I used to talk about it alot which would frustrate my T. But then he said a few things that made sense. Such as I had just as much right to see a dr. for a sprained ankle than for a broken leg. Either way, you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself because no one else will. Secondly, he quoted a famous line from a famous poem (I can't remember now) about all men leading lives of quiet desperation and how unnecessary that was.
He also mentioned that it was patients like me, who functioned well in the world, and who wanted to mainly work on themselves for personal gratification, that made a lot of his dealings with people who were worse off, more bearable (these are his words, not mine). I guess it breaks up his day and it is easier to see improvement in people with mild problems than those whose problems are more severe. He said he sees many patients where all he can do is patch tem up for the day and help them get through the week. He said it is absolutely necessary to have all levels of patients so he himself doesn't have some sort of nervous breakdown (MY words, not his!)
Does this make sense? You'll get over your "I'm not worthy" feelings as your self-esteem picks up. I started a thread here a couple months ago about "Why do I deserve the best?" I felt guilty about having such a wonderful T when my problems seemed so mild. My T has finally pounded it into me after 7 months now that I am responsible for my emotions, feelings, etc. My parents are no longer responsible for this. Therefore, you have to start thinking about yourself as your own mother and father, and don't you want the best for you, your child? This sounds so corny, but it works for me.
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2004, at 8:48:06
In reply to Re: Feeling oddly insecure about therapy..., posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 22, 2004, at 8:32:45
When I told my therapist that I had to get a "prescription" from my psychiatrist for my medical reimbursement plan to prove that I was going for medical reasons and not for self actualization, he said "Well you certainly are!!!!" with such emphasis, that now I'm feeling insecure...
Posted by Penny on January 22, 2004, at 9:10:59
In reply to Re: Ok, now *I'm* feeling insecure, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2004, at 8:48:06
> When I told my therapist that I had to get a "prescription" from my psychiatrist for my medical reimbursement plan to prove that I was going for medical reasons and not for self actualization, he said "Well you certainly are!!!!" with such emphasis, that now I'm feeling insecure...
Yeah, so am I. Hence my insurance covering my weekly pdoc visits and many meds. :-(
Don't let that make you feel insecure. I find it kind of reassuring, actually, to think of it as a true medical condition, simply because then I can think of it as a problem I have and not take it so personally.
But I see your point.
P
Posted by fallsfall on January 22, 2004, at 9:55:51
In reply to Re: Ok, now *I'm* feeling insecure, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2004, at 8:48:06
It's like when my therapist said "There is no question in my mind that you are disabled". It has a good side and a bad side. Maybe two good sides.
1. I know that when he fills out the forms for SSDI and insurance and stuff that he'll make sure I get what I need.
2. It lets me know that I don't have to be fully functioning tomorrow (that would really scare me!)
Bad... Well, it means I'm disabled. Yuck.
Over all, though. I think it is more comforting than distressing for me.
This is the end of the thread.
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