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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2004, at 10:23:59
Just venting about how transference can make even ordinary phone calls to therps overloaded with meaning for us.
I had to call my (male) pdoc (who does therapy w/ me) about an insurance thingie. I started out the convo saying, this isn’t a therapy-related call, this is an insurance call.
In keeping with my lead, he was all business-like about the insurance issue, giving me the info in a very matter-of-fact way. He was polite, and said thanks for calling about it at the end. He sounded a bit rushed (well of course he is, he probably had another patient in the waiting room).
During the convo, even though I was the one who said it wasn’t a "psych related" call, I felt like…where’s the love? You’re not giving me the love! LOL (I didn’t say that of course.)
So then I felt all rejected, as if part of me wanted him to say, "Forget the insurance issue…how are you feeling today? Let’s talk about all your problems now. I’ll just let all my regularly scheduled appointments pile up in the waiting room while I talk to you."
I know it’s ridiculous, because I am the one who started out the conversation on a business-y note, as opposed to an "I need to talk" note. Yet I wanted him to read my mind and talk gently to me.
I must ask myself, did I choose to call about the insurance at that particular time BECAUSE I wanted to hear his voice and get some TLC? Although it was a legitimate call, what were my secret motives? Not just about the paperwork thingie.
It’s just annoying that the transference makes everything feel so much more intense! I know it’s a male/female thing for me, because with my female therp, I would not read so much into her tone of voice during an ordinary phone call.
Posted by Penny on January 21, 2004, at 10:33:46
In reply to Ordinary Phone Call Fraught w/ Transference, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2004, at 10:23:59
I know what you mean - with my former T, if she ever called me to change an appointment or whatever, I always wanted her to say "How are you doing?" or something, but she would keep it brief and to-the-point, which always made me feel...neglected, perhaps? Maybe neglected is a good word. Hmmm...
I'm relieved to not feel as dependent upon my current T. Though I'm still attached to her...
P
Posted by judy1 on January 21, 2004, at 11:15:52
In reply to Ordinary Phone Call Fraught w/ Transference, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2004, at 10:23:59
I used to call my ex-pdoc's answering machine just to hear his voice, so I know how you feel. It's great that you recognize that you probably called more to connect with him then to TCOB, even though you were hurt that he didn't sound warm, you understood why. how long have you been going to your therp? sometimes, these feelings start to lessen as we see more faults in our therps. perhaps you're still in the 'honeymoon phase'?
take care, judy
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2004, at 11:42:57
In reply to Re: Ordinary Phone Call Fraught w/ Transference » Joslynn, posted by judy1 on January 21, 2004, at 11:15:52
Thanks Penny and Judy!
To answer Judy's question, I have been in therapy for a couple years. So you would think I would be past the honeymoon stage! I seem to go into and out of the honeymoon phase. I guess I have return tickets.
I think a lot of the transference comes from issues with my father, who had his own problems with alcoholism, depression and anger when I was growing up. So the transference with male pdoc is much more tender and intense than with female therp, who I see more as a very supportive, wise older lady who can cheer me on.
With him, I do feel like it gets to deeper emotions in a way that's hard to explain.
Then I feel like plotting ways I can leave him or make him wonder about me, make him post about me in some therapist psycho babble, make him scratch his head wondering, where I went, what HE did wrong, heh heh heh.
I know intellectually that it is because I felt emotionally abandoned when my Dad turned away from the family and towards the bottle. I want some of that control back. Intellectually, I know this, yet emotionally, it plays itself out in such a visceral way with pdoc, affecting my heartbeat and stomach and everything during interactions, it's hard to separate my mind from my heart.
Posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2004, at 11:46:55
In reply to Re: Ordinary Phone Call Fraught w/ Transference, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2004, at 11:42:57
OR, the problem is that I DO separate my mind from my heart, and I need to get them on the same page?
Sometimes when I talk to him, I feel very safe and protected and appreciated. Other times, I feel very vulnerable, mainly on the phone though. He is better in person than on the phone.
Posted by naiad on January 21, 2004, at 12:22:54
In reply to Re: Ordinary Phone Call Fraught w/ Transference, posted by Joslynn on January 21, 2004, at 11:46:55
I hate phone calls! Once I had to cancel at the last minute because of a blizzard, so I called his cell phone. When I identified myself by name, he thought it was a friend of his with the same name. His tone of voice was friendlier than usual until he realized it was me. Then he became quite business-like. I didn't think I felt offended or anything. Well, he must have felt bad about it so in our next session thats all we talked about! What were my feelings, and on and on... it did evolve into me being hurt, because there was such a distinction between my status and his friend's. I used to want the warmth, but, like you at times, I am cycling out of transference now so it wouldn't bother me if that same incidence were to occur today.
It sounds to me, from your reaction, that you must have wanted/needed more from him than insurance info. Hindsight is great. Hope you are feeling better.
This is the end of the thread.
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