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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Ok, so you people have me thinking too much. My therapist called this morning (Sunday). He needs to switch my appointment because he had a death in his family. First of all I feel horrible for him. He shouldn't have bothered calling me to switch my stupid appointment. That should be the last thing on his mind. But, I wonder is it normal to tell that sort of information? Couldn't he have just said he has to go out of town or something? Now I'm going to be second guessing everything he says. AGH!
So, do therapists normally give out that type of information?
Posted by Asya on January 18, 2004, at 16:55:13
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Hi Karen,
I am sorry that you are struggling with this. I think what we have to remember is that Ts are only human and what's more, the therepeutic relationship makes use of that humanity probably more than any other relationship (ie lawyer client, teacher-student, etc.). Ts are always supposed to act in service of the client. I feel like, in a way, he would be doing you a disservice by just lying and saying he had to go out of town, when, he IS a human being and will be affected by the death. The important thing for you to realize is that you are reacting to it because of the intimate emotional relationship you share with your T. I am sure you wouldn't have felt as weird if your family physician called and told u he had a death in the family and had to reschedule your yearly physical or something similar. Don't feel bad/guilty/weird about it. When you do go see him, in my opinion, I think its perfectly fine to express condolences and share any feelings of guilt you might have.
Posted by fallsfall on January 18, 2004, at 17:53:55
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Telling you that there was a death in the family lets you know that he might be out for a few days. It also lets you know that he isn't cancelling for some trivial excuse. I think it was fine for him to tell you that, and I agree that you can express condolences (but not a big expression...).
My old therapist was out for a week because of an "illness in the family".
Unless he has someone else handle his scheduling I think that he had to call you himself (and it would have been unprofessional for you not to be notified that your appointment had to be cancelled.
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2004, at 17:57:22
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Nawww, don't worry about it. That's perfectly normal. Not only because he had to reschedule, but if it was a close relative he might not be himself for a while. He'd want you to know it had nothing to do with you. Besides, telling you straight out will keep you from imagining something that wouldn't be true.
He's well within the boundaries here.
Posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2004, at 18:53:04
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Oh I think that is fine, and I am Bessie! :)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 19:35:38
In reply to Re: thinking too much, posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2004, at 18:53:04
I had a dream a few weeks ago that he was dying. And that's what we talked about this last session. And now someone in his family died....Now I know it isn't my fault or anything like that. But, I still feel a little bit bad. I don't believe in premonitions or anything like that but it just reinforces the belief that he is human and something could (dare I say it and scare everyone else as well) possibly happen to him as well... I'm just feeling anxious now and I don't want to bring this up because i'd bring his personal life into things. Not that I don't do that often anyway :) But, I lovie (yucky! I'd never tell him that!!) me therapist and I don't want bad things to happen to him, you know???
Am I naive or do other people think that bad things just don't happen to other people? Especially people they care about...
Posted by Waterlily on January 18, 2004, at 20:29:06
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Karen, you think too much. There. I told you what you already know. You might want to express your condolences to him, but beyond that, forget about HIS feelings. I'm not saying that you ought to be rude to him or anything, but don't focus so much on him. It's you that you need to focus on. He was perfectly within his boundaries to tell you what happened to make him change your appointment. If he had told you something else, you might have wondered if he was trying to get rid of you or something. This at least gives him a ligitimate reason to switch the appointment. Now, if he gave you the details of everything, I'd think that was a little out of line.
Posted by DaisyM on January 18, 2004, at 21:14:37
In reply to But now..., posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 19:35:38
I would dare to speculate that you are anxious because you know he is unavailable to you for a little while. I don't know if you remember how I felt when my Therapist got sick with the flu...it was so normal and yet for me, someone else sick was hard to handle. This is normal due to the relationship and trust and yes, dependency we have built.
Try not to overthink it. You can't prevent bad stuff just as you can't cause it. Magical thinking is just that. Just say a prayer for him and his family and do what you do best -- send a card! *smile*
Posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 21:25:41
In reply to But now..., posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 19:35:38
He just called to reschedule. The death was on his wife's side so I know that his family really is super-human.
And it's not that I feel bad because he's unavailable, I offered to just miss this week entirely without a problem. I just started thinking that he's human. But now I realize he isn't human. He's a therapist. Everything's OK now.
(Again though, when I asked if he was Ok, he was pretty open with info...I know where he's going, that the death was someone close to his wife, ect....He's just too honest. Maybe he needs a friend to talk to :( Or a therapist! He mentioned that he'd like to see a therapist but couldn't afford one. Poor guy, maybe we should hang out sometime :)
Posted by Elle2021 on January 18, 2004, at 23:40:34
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
I think it is normal for him to give out that sort of information. This is why:
At least four times in a row Burt (I shall now refer to him as Burt) cancelled and had to reschedule my appointments. This really upset me. He said he had "meetings." Now, if he had told me that he had a death in the family, then I would have been completely understanding. Anyway, maybe Bubba thought that you would think he was trying to get out of seeing you, when in actuality, he had a major problem (death in the family).
Elle
Posted by Bell_75 on January 19, 2004, at 3:29:21
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Well I had an experience that was on the other side of the coin to that one and made me feel abit 'mixed'.
A woman named Rebecca called from the centre my T works at the day before my weekly session at 5pm and said that my therapist wasnt going to be available tomorrow so she had to ring and tell all of his clients but his message was that the same time next week would be fine with him and to leave a message if I had a problem with it.
Now like anyone else in my situation I was stewing over trying to think what it could be that could be causing him to cancel all his sessions for that day. I went through the options of him being ill, illness in the family, death in the family, a sudden emergency etc but then realised i probably wouldnt get an answer anywho.
So I went to my session a week later and he said "oh yeah sorry about cancelling last week" I told him it was fine and he didnt need to apologize etc all he said was "well its not like I didn't have a justifiable reason...I wouldn't have cancelled if I didn't." I find hes always apologetic about the most trivial things even those that are out of his control or even something *I* should be apologizing about.
Then just 2 weeks ago he said as I was leaving "so..I'll see you same time next week? noo I'll have to- no its okay thats wrong'" meanwhile I'm standing looking confused and I said he could change it if he wanted to another time in the day but he said "it was wrong" supposedly meaning his schedule.
Then the day before my next session he rings me at home and asks if i can come in half an hour earlier because he needs to get out on time (we always go overtime) and I said what i later thought i maybe shouldn't have:
"well I told you we could change the time!"
d'oh! He told me hes not good at working out his diary oO one thinks he needs a personal secretary, poor guy. He works in a community health centre in which he "organises" his own scheduling and blah blah.
So we agreed on me coming in earlier then when i saw him that session he said he was all dressed up because he had a job interview that morning but he doesnt think he went well. That also comes into your topic of therapist's disclosing personal info..i was surprised by his candidness but went with it anyway.
What puzzled me was that he said he changed the time because "you know sometimes meetings and things come up at the last minute" yet I noticed he had another client after me and had a job interview that morning which one would think would make him late not needing to finish earlier.
Oh well...now I'M going off on a tangent and I'm supposed to be posting a reply not a post about moi :P sorry. Seems I have the "thinking too much" bug too.
Therapists are funny things yet I know I'd be lost without mine at this moment in my life. Sure someday I'll have to say a cheerio.:) Hope things go well with your T.
Posted by 64Bowtie on January 19, 2004, at 9:58:16
In reply to Re: But now... » Karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on January 18, 2004, at 21:14:37
Thanks so much for broaching the
phrase, "magical thinking"."Magical Thinking" is not refered to
often enough. My Dad is in his 80's
and still sabotages himself by first
having "magical thinking" and then
talking about the details as if they
are the gospel truth. People then
start to scatter.I've approached him gently over the last
few years to think about his audience
before he talks. Most old people try to
reminisce and relive their peculiar past
and fail with friendships because of it.
When you add "magical thinking", no one
stays long enough to ever be a friend.Sadly, my siblings and I saw this growing
up as sort of normal behavior. My older
Brother is "killing" himself with this
bad idea. Nothing I say or do helps.
Posted by 64Bowtie on January 19, 2004, at 10:04:18
In reply to Re: thinking too much » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 18, 2004, at 23:40:34
Burt the Therapist.......lol
I'll be chucklin' anytime you write about Burt!
lol
Thanks
Posted by Poet on January 19, 2004, at 10:14:30
In reply to One more thing.., posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 21:25:41
Karen,
I know you love him, but don't offer to pay for his therapy, okay? I think what he really needs is a refresher course in boundaries, complete with border guards.
Poet
Posted by terrics on January 19, 2004, at 10:19:14
In reply to thinking too much, posted by Karen_kay on January 18, 2004, at 15:55:33
Hi, I'm going to put in 2 cents. My therapist reveals alot. [I only think it is fair that a therapist can say he/she had a death in the family......Human you know.] You would probably all be shocked at what my T. reveals and some may say it is not very professional. I think she has a good reason: I wouldn't talk if she didn't. I know her kids names,where they live, that one has severe mental problems, that another is getting divorced, and on and on. and I know she is in NARANON. I do not drink or do drugs]. I won't leave her until I am alot less wobbly. terrics
Posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 10:31:11
In reply to Re: One more thing.. » Karen_kay, posted by Poet on January 19, 2004, at 10:14:30
*ROFL* I'd never offer to pay for his therapy! That was a comment he made quite a while back. I was merely suggesting he may benefit from some :) I'm starting to really question things that maybe I should or shouldn't. I mean his approach is working and working well. I've never felt better in my life. But he called at 10:30 pm last night and we talked for a little while. Usually his secretary calls to confirm appointments and my appointment wasn't until Wednesday. He could have called on Tuesday, or his secretary could have??? Again, I'm just overanalyzing everything, as I typically do!
Posted by fallsfall on January 19, 2004, at 12:09:22
In reply to Re: One more thing.. » Poet, posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 10:31:11
He called you at 10:30 on a Sunday night? To confirm a Wednesday appointment?
Karen, I think you should ask him to talk about that with his supervisor.
I'm glad that you like him, and I really do think that you are making progress. I would hate for you to lose that. Please ask him to be mindful of the boundaries, and to check with his supervisor.
Posted by antigua on January 19, 2004, at 14:20:43
In reply to Re: One more thing.. » Karen_kay, posted by fallsfall on January 19, 2004, at 12:09:22
My therapist would call me at 10:30 p.m. on a Sunday night and I wouldn't think twice about it.
antigua
Posted by Elle2021 on January 19, 2004, at 19:53:18
In reply to Thanks for the chuckle » Elle2021, posted by 64Bowtie on January 19, 2004, at 10:04:18
Hehe! I recently had to give him a name due to the "pageant" we are having over on Social. :) If you want another chuckle, check out the thread:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040109/msgs/300802.html
Start with that one and read up to the most current. And, feel free to vote me in first!
Elle :)
Posted by Elle2021 on January 19, 2004, at 20:01:33
In reply to Re: One more thing.. » Poet, posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 10:31:11
> But he called at 10:30 pm last night and we talked for a little while. Usually his secretary calls to confirm appointments and my appointment wasn't until Wednesday.
Okay Karen,
Now I'm getting a bit worried. Bubba is *married*. And, to be calling to confirm your appointment on Sunday at 10:30 pm (clearly NOT business hours) is highly inappropriate. I hope your not getting yourself into something that is gonna hurt you and others. Be careful Karen.
Elle
Posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 20:22:25
In reply to Re: Thanks for the chuckle » 64Bowtie, posted by Elle2021 on January 19, 2004, at 19:53:18
Elle, another B??? Hmm... a potential judge..Do my eyes deceive me? Or is it Beefcake in disguise?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 20:28:57
In reply to Re: One more thing.. » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 19, 2004, at 20:01:33
As if I would get myself into a mess I couldn't handle. Elle, obviously you DO know me...... Ummm, but isn't this the man of my dreams? Ha ha.. Yeah, I'll keep my eyes open. But, I must say he does has exquisite taste.
Yes, and these are the thoughts going through my mind...I'm sure he was just working late....I'll just ask, what I do best. And he did apologize for calling late. Doesn't that make it better, I mean he's never called that late before or anything. (And don't get me back on the subject of his wife!)
Posted by Elle2021 on January 19, 2004, at 20:46:27
In reply to Re: Thanks for the chuckle » Elle2021, posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 20:22:25
> Elle, another B??? Hmm... a potential judge..Do my eyes deceive me? Or is it Beefcake in disguise?
I definitely think he is potential judge material, as long as he votes for me. :) Could be Beefcake in disguise, maybe All Done has told him about our little pageant and in a desperate attempt to place second (I'm first), has recruited him to give her the votes!
Elle
Posted by Elle2021 on January 19, 2004, at 20:50:53
In reply to Re: One more thing.. » Elle2021, posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 20:28:57
> As if I would get myself into a mess I couldn't handle.
Yeah, as if... HEHE :)
> Yes, and these are the thoughts going through my mind...I'm sure he was just working late....I'll just ask, what I do best.
Hmm, just cause he was working late, doesn't mitigate the fact that he called on Sunday at 10:30 pm. You even said yourself that he hasn't ever done this before. I think he's finally crossed a boundary here. And, you know if even I'm saying he's crossed a boundary, then he must have. :) I hope you do ask him about his late night phone call to you. Almost sounds like he's starting to use YOU as his therapist...and that is not good.
Elle
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2004, at 21:48:29
In reply to Re: One more thing.. » Karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on January 19, 2004, at 20:50:53
I've got to agree with Elle here. I think it might be time for a little boundary chat, just to make sure. The Sunday night call raised a few red flags with me. My therapist has called to reschedule, but it is always very short and to the point.
No one thing is damning in itself, but it's starting to add up to something to at least have a chat about.
This is the end of the thread.
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