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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 15, 2004, at 21:14:51
My husband and i went out this evening to a club we belong to to hear a lecture called "The New Brain". It was a dinner lecture- you had dinner first, and then just stayed in your seat to hear the lecture. We sat down, and then my ANALYST plus nice, pretty wife sat down next to my husband! We all talked in a friendly way, but it was so strange! My husband and shrink got into a long conversation about the books they had both read and places they loved to travel to. Oh, my goodness- I never expected anything like this to happen! It's hard to keep in mind that he's a nice, friendly, interesting man, socially, and then he's also the one I tell such intimate things to- like just this very morning! It went fine- but i feel completely unraveled! I think it's going to happen more, as we both are active in this club, and both like it a lot. Do you think this will have a bad effect on my therapy?
Pfinstegg
Posted by DaisyM on January 16, 2004, at 1:35:59
In reply to Encounters..., posted by Pfinstegg on January 15, 2004, at 21:14:51
You have just lived my nightmare...OH MY GOD!!
I interviewed several therapists because of the work I do. One actually asked me, at the end of the session, for info on the nonprofit I direct and referred a family. That was it for me...out of there! Another told me she had supervised my son's Therapist and made several reference to the job he was doing in relation to our family. I was quicky out of there too -- way to connected (and actually judgemental as well. She told me I would be happy again if I stopped being "such a little actress" all the time and told people I was hurting. Yeah, right!)
Anyway, I could handle seeing my Therapist in another setting, but NOT with my husband. AFter all, we spend a lot of time on him.
Wow, I can see why you would feel so undone. My heart is pounding just thinking about it!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 19:51:28
In reply to Encounters..., posted by Pfinstegg on January 15, 2004, at 21:14:51
Isn't it strange that he sat next to your husband? I would be very ....I don't know. On one hand I would be tempted to get a free session out of the whole thing. On the other, I'd be tempted to flirt with my therapist to make his wife mad. Also, I'd HAVE to act like a perfect wife. And think of the right thing to say. And sit up straight the whole time. And make sure to keep my elbows off the table. And I couldn't eat much to be sure he knows that I don't pig out. But, then again I'd have to eat something so he knows I'm not anorexic. It'd just be weird. Yeah, I'd run screaming from the table. Why did he have to sit next to you and your husband? Maybe he'll mention it, but I'm sure it won't be a long conversation unless it affects you like it would me.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 16, 2004, at 20:17:09
In reply to Re: Encounters..., posted by Karen_kay on January 16, 2004, at 19:51:28
The whole thing was inadvertent. His wife, who did not know us,( or we her) came in alone, sat down, and introduced herself in a friendly manner- by first name only, as all the other people at the table were doing. After about five minutes, HE came in and sat in the one remaining chair- between her and my husband. What happened first is that my husband whispered to me, "this calls for small talk. I can talk for 20 minutes about the leak in our roof, and the complicated way the water runs through the eaves so that it's made a hole in the ceiling at the opposite end of the house." I was already blushing, and then I got a fit of giggles because of my husband's plan to be intensely boring. HE was shocked and embarrassed, too, I think, but he rose to the occasion, and was very friendly and talkative- all carefully neutral but interesting. He talked a lot about recent club lectures, books he had liked, places he had travelled to. He never asked a single personal question of either of us- I think that was his main concern- but, in fact, the conversation was fun. I of course was sneaking looks at his wife, who remained very detached from the whole thing, comparing myself to her, of course! I couldn't get anwhere with that, really, as she was dark- haired and short, and I am 5' 11 ' and blond. And, yes, I was so careful about the sizes of the bites put in my mouth, my elbows, posture, etc. I turned into a caricature, really, smiling, nodding, agreeing, trying to say nice neutral things. It was a very odd experience, and one I wouldn't want to repeat. But I did learn something from it- he is a really nice man, and he treated us graciously and warmly in a really unexpected situation. My husband liked him a lot!
Pfinstegg
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 21:05:49
In reply to Re: Encounters... » Karen_kay, posted by Pfinstegg on January 16, 2004, at 20:17:09
I'm sooo impressed. I would have had to leave, and that would have made an unpleasant stir. I can barely stand to go down the elevator with him.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 16, 2004, at 21:33:59
In reply to Re: Encounters... » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 21:05:49
Oh, Dinah, I think being in an elevator is harder- it would be for me. What helped me avoid falling into a panic is that my husband carried the brunt of the conversaton- I don't think I would have been able to do that- it would have felt so false and terrifying. We also had ten people at the table, who were all talking to one another at times. And I did feel very shaky and unravelled afterwards- i couldn't fall asleep until three. But thanks for your encouraging thoughts, as always. I hope you find the EMDT genuinely helpful- lots of us would like to know more about what that experience is like.
Pfinstegg
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 12:03:31
In reply to Encounters..., posted by Pfinstegg on January 15, 2004, at 21:14:51
was it ever acknowledged that he was therapist after he sat down? Had yor husband seen pictures of him? Would it have made his wife feel uncomfortable if she knew you were his patient? Or did you all just behave as if you had just met?
This situation really intrigues me!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 13:20:19
In reply to Re: Encounters..., posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 17, 2004, at 12:03:31
I know! I'm hooked! You have to recount the situation in it's whole format! Bit by bit! Leave no stone unturned.
I know if I were there, I'd be drilling his wife (in a nonchalant manner, because I'm very tactful) to find out every possible detail I could about their personal lives. But, I'm also just very nosy (or curious, I prefer curious). I'd want to know if he sits around in his underwear and if I had a few glasses of wine I'm fairly certain I would ask. I'd regret it, but I'd ask.Did your husband do most of the talking? Or did you chime in every once in a while? Did you constantly find that you were comparing yourself to his wife? How did they (your theraapis and his wife) interact together? Inquiring minds want to know!
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 17, 2004, at 21:34:10
In reply to Re: Encounters... » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 13:20:19
OK, you guys! My husband knew what he looked like, as I had pointed him out at a concert at the club a month ago. His wife was with him then, but we only saw the back of her head, then, so neither one of us knew what she looked like. When HE realized that I was there, he knew that the man next to me must be my husband. We were all smiling and laughing with embarrassment; HE introduced himself to my husband, who did the same. After a few minutes, he leaned over and whisperered something to his wife- we assume it was to tell her that a patient of his was at the table. After that, his wife never looked at either one of us, I thought she was rather sour and distant, but maybe this is what shrink's wives do in such situations. I did wonder, though, why, if HE was being so openly friendly to us, why SHE was so detached and never said a word. She didn't even look at, or speak to HIM, nor did he to her. HE spent all of the dinner hour talking to my husband mainly, but frequently looking over to include me. We learned that he liked a particular kind of red wine from Chile- he drank two glasses of it and sang its praises. He basically treated us like some ordinary people whom he happened to sit next to.
And yes, Karen, I constantly compared myself to her, and decided I was prettier and definitely more lively! I couldn't stop sneaking glances at her- that's probably why she decided to remain so removed and uninvolved. I found myself thinking, "why her- he should be with me!" Just no way around it- an incessant, disturbing and guilt and pleasure-producing theme which I couldn't stop. I did think, later, that it must be hard for a psychiatrist to sit next to his patient at dinner, inadvertently, and probably even harder for his wife to know what role to play- just no guidelines at all for her, while he could choose to be friendly and gracious to us, which he did do. I found that, through my surges of uneasiness and anxiety, that I really appreciated the approach he took. I think it was the best possible one- the one that helped most to preserve my privacy- and, more important- the one that made me realize that a social encounter involving friendliness and respect is actually possible. even when you are trying to work through the toughest and most painful things in therapy sessions. I think it did take a lot of energy and effort on both sides, though. At least, I was exhausted!
Pfinstegg
Posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 21:48:27
In reply to Re: Encounters... » Karen_kay, posted by Pfinstegg on January 17, 2004, at 21:34:10
Wow! That involves so much grace and charm from all parties involved. As for his wife, I'm sure it must have been a situation for her. She must have felt a bit left out. I mean, your therapist almost knows your husband by now, certainly knows you and she knows only her own husband.
Come to think of it, I don't think I would mind seeing my therapist in a social gathering, but I don't think he gets out much. But again, I'd be more focused on his wife. I'd try to talk more with her, but once the wine starts flowing I'd make a fool out of myself (even more than usual). I'm certain they'd switch seats or he'd just ask me to be quiet. That'd add a large sum on to the rather strenuous therapy bill I've already accumulated at this point, but I'd have fond memories! And I'd report the results back here, as usual :)
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 17, 2004, at 21:59:04
In reply to Re: Encounters... » Pfinstegg, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 21:48:27
Great! We'd really feel we were missing out if you didn't tell us.
Pfinstegg
Posted by Elle2021 on January 20, 2004, at 2:10:06
In reply to Re: Encounters... » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2004, at 21:05:49
I'm with Dinah, there's just no way I could have sat through dinner and then listened to a lecture, all while my therapist sat there. I would be so paranoid that he was thinking, well this explains the situation she told me about in our last session, etc., stuff like that.
Elle
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