Posted by Pfinstegg on January 17, 2004, at 21:34:10
In reply to Re: Encounters... » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 17, 2004, at 13:20:19
OK, you guys! My husband knew what he looked like, as I had pointed him out at a concert at the club a month ago. His wife was with him then, but we only saw the back of her head, then, so neither one of us knew what she looked like. When HE realized that I was there, he knew that the man next to me must be my husband. We were all smiling and laughing with embarrassment; HE introduced himself to my husband, who did the same. After a few minutes, he leaned over and whisperered something to his wife- we assume it was to tell her that a patient of his was at the table. After that, his wife never looked at either one of us, I thought she was rather sour and distant, but maybe this is what shrink's wives do in such situations. I did wonder, though, why, if HE was being so openly friendly to us, why SHE was so detached and never said a word. She didn't even look at, or speak to HIM, nor did he to her. HE spent all of the dinner hour talking to my husband mainly, but frequently looking over to include me. We learned that he liked a particular kind of red wine from Chile- he drank two glasses of it and sang its praises. He basically treated us like some ordinary people whom he happened to sit next to.
And yes, Karen, I constantly compared myself to her, and decided I was prettier and definitely more lively! I couldn't stop sneaking glances at her- that's probably why she decided to remain so removed and uninvolved. I found myself thinking, "why her- he should be with me!" Just no way around it- an incessant, disturbing and guilt and pleasure-producing theme which I couldn't stop. I did think, later, that it must be hard for a psychiatrist to sit next to his patient at dinner, inadvertently, and probably even harder for his wife to know what role to play- just no guidelines at all for her, while he could choose to be friendly and gracious to us, which he did do. I found that, through my surges of uneasiness and anxiety, that I really appreciated the approach he took. I think it was the best possible one- the one that helped most to preserve my privacy- and, more important- the one that made me realize that a social encounter involving friendliness and respect is actually possible. even when you are trying to work through the toughest and most painful things in therapy sessions. I think it did take a lot of energy and effort on both sides, though. At least, I was exhausted!
Pfinstegg
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:301442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/302143.html