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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on December 18, 2003, at 12:51:59
I've been lurking here for a while, and I've learned so much about therapy, and a lot of my own experiences have been validated. So thanks already!
I've been in therapy for two years, with a really great therpist who is just right for me. I've definitely found the whole experience to be incredibly frustrating and scary, but also freeing and really helpful. About two months ago my therapist told me that he was moving to another state and that he'd be closing his practice here at the end of the year. Gack! I totally fell apart and started sending him a lot of emails with my angry and hurt feelings, and also concern for him and hopes for a good future etc. It's so mixed up. Our sessions have been very off and on. Sometimes they're great and supportive and we've had some wonderful reviews of our work together. And sometimes I just get overwhelmed with feeling abandoned and cry the whole session. It's been pretty rough for both of us.
So, my last session is next Tuesday. And I also have a session on Friday (tomorrow). I'm totally not ready for it. I keep asking him to help me plan our last session, but he just wants it to be whatever we need most at that time. Ack! I'm just going to sob the whole 50 minutes, and then panic afterwards. I've considered not going, but that would also suck. And it's kind of passive aggressive. So, I'm grinding my teeth down every night and crying at all kinds of odd moments, and I feel like an idiot. I keep thinking how I trusted him to still be there if I told him my bad stuff, and now he's leaving and I have no control over that. Any words of advice would be welcome.
Posted by Penny on December 18, 2003, at 13:03:48
In reply to therapist moving away - panicking, posted by pegasus on December 18, 2003, at 12:51:59
First of all - welcome!
Ummm...do you have a new therapist lined up? I highly HIGHLY recommend this route. Terminating therapy is difficult I would imagine if you are ready to do so, but even more difficult when it's for other reasons, such as a move.
In my last session with my former T, she read me a letter she had written to me summing up our three years together. It was a nice, albeit emotional, way of bringing closure to the whole thing. Not that I didn't still cry like a baby both in the session and after, but closure is important and that's what it was.
Whatever the case, don't skip the last session - you need a last session with him.
I really hope you find a new therapist who can help you through this difficult time. Do you at least have someone else to be a support person for you? A pdoc maybe?
Another thought - try to think back over the past two years and look for the positives - the things he's helped you with - things you can hold onto. Are there things you can do without him to honor those positives? For example, if one of the things you got out of being in sessions with him was a feeling of safety and security, can you replicate that feeling by doing something else? Or do you need something so you feel like he's not completely gone from your life? When my former T went on maternity leave, she suggested that during our usual meeting time I do something 'special' to nurture myself - she knew I enjoyed going to Barnes & Noble, so she suggested that I go there and journal and have coffee or something in the cafe. Which, of course, led me to wonder what her favorite drink was, and she told me, so I ended up going several times and ordering *her* favorite drink and journaling and thinking about her. It helped me to feel close to her even though she wasn't available to me.
Of course, that was only a short-term separation, but it's a thought.
good luck and take care.
P
Posted by pegasus on December 18, 2003, at 15:43:19
In reply to Re: therapist moving away - panicking » pegasus, posted by Penny on December 18, 2003, at 13:03:48
Thanks for the advice, Penny. You have some good ideas. I hadn't thought about continuing my saying goodbye on my own. I thought I was just going to have to jump off this cliff and be alone.
I have talked to a few therapists that my current guy recommended. They seem ok, but not like him. Frankly, I found myself not wanting to talk to any of them. They all seemed fine, and I even sort of clicked with one woman. She felt like talking to a big hug. But the therapy relationship is so *hard*, and I just feel overwhelmed thinking about starting it all again. One question I'm asking them all, though, is whether they plan to stay in the area for the forseeable future. ;-)
Posted by fallsfall on December 18, 2003, at 18:30:33
In reply to therapy relationship so hard, posted by pegasus on December 18, 2003, at 15:43:19
I switched therapists 6 months ago. My old therapist and my relationship just self-destructed. I had always thought that she was THE BEST therapist ever. She was my first.
I guess what is the most amazing to me now is how much I like my new therapist. He is VERY different from her - even a different orientation. So we're not doing the same thing I did with her. I never thought I could feel safe and protected by anyone else, but I really do.
There is life after old therapist!
Posted by zenn4 on December 19, 2003, at 12:50:30
In reply to therapist moving away - panicking, posted by pegasus on December 18, 2003, at 12:51:59
Yeah "breaking up" is hard to do. I lost therapist of five years and then I lost a pdoc of 3 years - all in the span of four months. But I'm in the process of finding someone else. It's hard when you become attached to someone, but remember they get attached to you too. You CAN find someone else, it won't be the same but it will be a new experience. Shopping around for a good therapist is, I think necessary, - one who sort of "fits" you. It's a real pain the butt but worth it. It's painful to lose a therpaist, it has been for me - abandonment issues and the whole mess but I just put one foot in front of the other. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by pegasus on December 19, 2003, at 14:47:28
In reply to therapist moving away - panicking, posted by pegasus on December 18, 2003, at 12:51:59
Thanks everyone for the help. I had a great session with my T today, where I told him about this group. He totally wanted to know how to find y'all, but I wouldn't tell him. He said I was excluding him. We were laughing, and it was fun. I'm really going to miss him :(
But, I think you all are right. I'm going to make an appointment with the best of the parade of therapists I've seen lately, and at least have a few sessions with her. Maybe we'll click, or maybe not, but anyway, it'll probably help me get through this abandoned stage.
This is the end of the thread.
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