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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:36:57
The topic in therapy right now is very, very hard. So hard that I don't know what we talked about last Thursday. Monday we tried to figure out what it was that we talked about that was so upsetting to me. When I left he told me to "Put it away" until I see him on Thursday. He thinks that what I was doing to "work on it", to think about it wasn't being productive. So I put it away. I have pretty much been able to avoid thinking about the specific topic - I do know how to put that away. But the anxiety bleeds through. I did some Xmas shopping yesterday - well I spent 3 hours walking through stores, only really bought 2 things. Couldn't focus, couldn't decide, was too tired to walk.
Picked up my daughter and had her drive home (she's learning to drive, this was the first time in the dark and there's a little snow and ice still on the roads. It was a definate comment on my ability to drive to think we'd be safer with her driving). When we got home I went straight to my bed and lay down. I literally couldn't move (even though I wasn't comfortable).
I as scared. I am so foggy. I am so sad.
I can bury the topic, but I can't bury the feelings. Any suggestions?
Posted by lookdownfish on December 17, 2003, at 7:56:44
In reply to Put it away, yeah, right..., posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:36:57
Sorry you're feeling sad.
I think its impossible. If we could put away all difficult feelings on demand, then we wouldn't be suffering from any psychological problems and wouldn't need therapy. However hard we try to suppress things, they will always manifest themselves somehow, even as a physical symptom.
But maybe you can take some comfort from the fact you are dealing with a difficult topic? This is an achievement in itself. Although its really uncomfortable to deal with, at least you know your therapy is going somewhere?
I wish I could be more helpful.
As for Christmas shopping, mine is total cr*p.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 13:00:08
In reply to Re: Put it away, yeah, right... » fallsfall, posted by lookdownfish on December 17, 2003, at 7:56:44
I know exactly how you are feeling. Even though you are not consciously thinking about things, you are still affected by it. When this happens to me I do a number of things. It helps to stay distracted. Doing Christmas shopping, even though you don't feel as though you are accomplishing much, will help to keep you grounded. Being around other people will help keep you safe, even if they are grumpy. And even if you don't feel you are getting much done, you are moving around, you are marking presents off the list, and you are keeping things off of your mind. That is three things you are accomplishing!
Also, are you against taking antianxiety medication? I take Neurontin. It helps calm me down during emergencies. I once couldn't sleep for almost a week or eat, because of a flashback. Neurontin helped calm me down. You may want to look into some type of antianxiety for a short period of time, if you aren't against taking them.
Also, just talking to friends and family helps me a lot. And reading. And watching TV. Just your typical distractions to keep my mind off of things.
I'm sorry your're hurting. It sometimes helps to make an extra appointment and talk about it. I know when I couldn't eat or sleep I finally talked to my boyfriend about what happened and that night I did get some sleep. I think just admitting what happened solved the trick for me. I'd been denying for so long, that when I did accept and talk about it, my anxiety subsided a bit and I was able to sleep. Maybe putting it away isn't the answer? Maybe it is?
Posted by naiad on December 17, 2003, at 14:30:52
In reply to Re: Put it away, yeah, right..., posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 13:00:08
"Put it away" sounds to me like your therapsit wants to be there for support when you think about the feelings that are so upsetting. The problem with feelings is, as you have been experiencing, they do not go away even though you are not thinking about the situation that brings up the hurt.
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2003, at 16:06:01
In reply to Put it away, yeah, right..., posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:36:57
I don't think my therapist would ever suggest that I put something away. He knows my obsessive ways too well. He does tell me to call him if I need to, and he's always willing to make an extra appointment if I am too distressed.
I'm not too good at putting things away I think. I do better writing about them or talking here, or talking to my therapist or my husband, or my good online friends, or.... Well, I guess I talk a lot.
Is putting something away something that helps you? Since everyone's different, it may well, and you just need to learn some additional putting away skills. If that's not the most helpful strategy for you, you might want to think of alternatives.
Posted by DaisyM on December 17, 2003, at 16:36:48
In reply to Put it away, yeah, right..., posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:36:57
I try to put feelings away too, though it is very hard. Some of the things that have worked, though at various times some do and some don't:
Go for a walk, even if it just around your own house.
Watch a sad, sad movie so you can cry for another reason. (Brian's song? Funny Girl? I like old movies)Write, write, write and write more. Write to yourself, to your Therapist, to anyone else you need to communicate with.
My Therapist tells me to sit with the feelings as long as I can so I can understand them. But if you already understand them, give yourself a predetermined amount of time (1/2 hour?) and really feel them. Then, try to shake it off and go do something.
Bake something. There is something soothing about the smell of baking stuff -- it feels like something is happening that will be good. I personally like to make cinnamon bread because the whole house smells so cozy. Eat it warm with good tea.
Truly what works best for me is 1) posting here and reading the feedback and 2) working. Being with people I don't want to share my feelings with allows me to put them away. Too bad I can't work at 2am.
I can tell you are hurting and I'm sorry. It doesn't sound like you want to call your therapist, do you? Last time it didn't really help you much, you said.
Driving with a teenager in the snow is so brave. I think driving with one here in Cal is bad -- though I'm getting calmer. Bravo for you!
Let us know how you are.
Posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 22:47:16
In reply to Put it away, yeah, right..., posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:36:57
Thank you all for your suggestions. I worked 5 hours today, and that was helpful. I couldn't summarize even if I wanted to, so let me address each post:
Lookdownfish: Yes, you are right. This is a very difficult and important topic. I really want to work on this, because I know things will be better when I'm done.
Dinah: I don't think he would mind if I called, but *I* think I've been calling a lot, so I really wanted to get through this period by myself. He doesn't seem to want to set up any extra sessions (though I haven't expressly asked) - I figure that I'll be doing well if I can get 2 sessions each week in December.
Putting it away is often helpful for me. But usually putting the topic away puts the feelings away, too. I'll see what he says tomorrow. He does know that I'm hurting a lot, and he does want to help.
naiad: Yes, he wants to be there when I think about it. And I like the idea of him being there. It's just a question of managing the emotions until I can see him.
Karen: Distraction works to a certain extent, but I am using so much energy burying the issue that I don't have much brain power to use for the distraction. Xmas shopping was too much yesterday. I did about an hour today and I could tell that I was starting to lose it.I have Ativan. And my pdoc told me yesterday that I could take it during the day if I need to (it was only for night time before). I need to find out if I can drive when I've taken it. I'll try 1/2 a pill to start.
I wish I could talk about it - but talking isn't "putting it away"... I see him tomorrow - we'll talk about a strategy.
Daisy: I do try the distraction thing, and sometimes it works pretty well. I agree with your suggestion of spending time with people who you don't want to talk to about the issue. That's what it is like when I go to work (but last Friday I had to ask my boss not to go home sick because I was afraid I would burst into tears behind the Circulation Desk...).
I don't want to call him this time. I feel like I call too much. He is helpful in one regard - it helps me to know that he knows what is happening. But he always says that we'll talk about it at the next session. So if that's what he's going to tell me, I can tell myself that. Sometimes I want his opinion on whether I should think about it or not. This time he told me that before I left his office. He said "Don't think about it". So, I guess I just have to follow his suggestion.
All: Thank you so much for your support. It really is helpful, and I don't feel so alone. We'll all have a party when this issue is resolved, OK? I'll bake the Therapist Cookies.
This is the end of the thread.
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