![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 16, 2003, at 22:42:00
i asked if it was ok to give my sw a gift..
a painting..
he said he would have to ask for permission for such a gift..
now i am thinking he does not want a gesture of "a piece of me"
was i wrong to believe that he would "see" it as being a "kind gift"
or am i getting too close?
i just wanted to say"thanks" for showing me i have value..?
this is a piece i finished(and started) while seeing him...
j
Posted by speaker on December 17, 2003, at 7:04:19
In reply to i wanted to add.., posted by justyourlaugh on December 16, 2003, at 22:42:00
I would try hard not to take it personal. There are so many law suits against T these days they have to be very careful. They are not suppose to take anything for personal gain (except their huge fee)...it crosses an ethical line. My T just got his license put on probation due to a ethical line crossing. I'm sure your T would be honored to have your painting. A gift that someone puts so much time and talent into is treasured. I hope this helps.
Posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:21:49
In reply to Re: i wanted to add.., posted by speaker on December 17, 2003, at 7:04:19
They see gifts from us as increasing the imbalance in the relationship. They need the relationship to stay on a professional level - personal gifts from us to them bring the relationship to a personal level.
I used to bring cupcakes or donuts for our anniversary. The first year she was very skeptical, but decided that since it was for a celebration during the session and since I had one for her and one for me, that it was OK.
I made a game once ("In Search of Sanity") with a friend I made in the hospital. It was a good game, and gives a good sense of what it is like to be mentally ill and to go to the hospital. I gave her a copy of the game. But the game was completely therapy related. She kept it in her office (at least for years - I don't know if she still has it). We played it the day I gave it to her, but she didn't really want to play. She wanted to analyze, so it was a little disappointing. If she had just played it, then she would have gotten a sense of what my life was like.
If he decides that he can't accept your painting, it doesn't mean that he is rejecting you. It means that he is afraid that the relationship will get complicated. I'm sure that in ANY event he would LOVE to see the painting. I hope that if he decides he can't take it that you will bring it in to show him.
It is a very sweet gesture in any event.
Posted by Penny on December 17, 2003, at 8:11:37
In reply to i wanted to add.., posted by justyourlaugh on December 16, 2003, at 22:42:00
If your SW is with a group, it's probably more complicated for him to accept gifts - but truly, I don't think it is a reflection of you, but more likely a reflection of the system in which he works. My pdoc doesn't exactly play by the rules all the time, so I never questioned whether or not I could give him a gift, and both of my therapists were on their own (not affiliated with a group) when I gave them gifts, so they never refused. Perhaps you can just bring it and show him and tell him what you told us about wanting to say 'thanks' for showing you that you have value - that would mean a great deal to him, I am sure!
You are wonderful, JYL.
P
Posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 10:20:14
In reply to i wanted to add.., posted by justyourlaugh on December 16, 2003, at 22:42:00
That's so sweet of you to want to give him a piece of art that is so special to you! If he didn't want if he would have said that he couldn't accept gifts. But, since he is asking that means he would like to have it but needs to approve it. Don't take it personal if he isn't allowed to accept a personal gift from a client. And if he isn't then you should keep it for yourself to remind you of the progress you've made thus far! You're so sweet for wanting to give him something so personal! I'm selfish, I would have wanted to keep it!
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2003, at 16:07:55
In reply to i wanted to add.., posted by justyourlaugh on December 16, 2003, at 22:42:00
You are a very generous sweetie. I'm sure he appreciates the thought even if he isn't allowed to accept the gift.
But this is really good news on another level. It sounds as if you've really made progress on the trust and intimacy level with him. Congratulations!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.