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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewriteone on December 16, 2003, at 1:30:46
I've been in therapy for two years now. I adore my therapist. She's wonderful. That said, I'm most likely going to be moving soon and it will be too far away for me to continue seeing her. I made some mention of that to her today and she stopped me in mid-sentence to tell me that she would miss me if I was unable to see her anymore. She said she had felt that since I first told her I would be moving and had been wanting to say it. I was completely blown away because she's never given any indication of how she feels about me. As for me, I can't even think about it without experiencing separation anxiety. I don't know how I'm ever going to get through this.
Posted by naiad on December 16, 2003, at 6:43:13
In reply to Said she'll miss me..., posted by thewriteone on December 16, 2003, at 1:30:46
If the realtionship is that special, maybe you want to consider making the effort to see her occaisionally -- like once a month. I travel an hour each way to see my therapist and sometimes it really makes me cranky...until I am in his office and realize that the extra time it takes to travel to him is worth it. Hope you can work this out -- leaving a long term relationship is very painful.
Posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2003, at 7:06:46
In reply to Re: Said she'll miss me..., posted by naiad on December 16, 2003, at 6:43:13
That's nice to know that she feels like you are part of her life.
I was with my first therapist 8 1/2 years. I wanted "forever therapy" with her. But things got bad and I had to find a new therapist. It was traumatic, but it is now 6 months later and it really is OK.
Get suggestions from your current therapist about what type of therapy you should look for (CBT, Psychodynamic, humanistic...), and what qualities you should look for in a therapist.
Do you know anyone in your new area? Friend, relative, person in your company that you have a good phone/email relationship? You need to find at least one person in your new area who seems compatable with you (are you in a club that has branches where you will be going?). They might be able to point you to a good regular doctor or pdoc or even therapist,or they might have a friend who is a therapist. Once you find one person who is related to the therapy field, they can give you a list of people who might be your "style".
Check these people out according to the criteria your current therapist recommends. Do a phone interview. They should be willing to talk to you for 10 minutes or more on the phone. If you don't like them on the phone, you probably won't like them in person. Go to one of the "how to find a therapist" sites and get a list of questions to ask them. Ask if they have experience with your particular issues, and how they would handle them.
Interview 3 or more therapists (if you can) in person before you decide. This lets you get an idea of what kinds of choices you have. These initial meetings have two purposes. The therapist will be deciding if they can work with you and if they can help with your particular problems. MORE THAN THAT, though, you are interviewing THEM to see if you feel comfortable with them, their approach, their emergency after hours procedures, their pay structure, etc. I found that when I sat down with someone it was pretty clear to me very early on if I felt comfortable with them. That is really important.
Maybe your current therapist could help you evaluate the candidates over the phone.
It can be done. I've been with my new guy 6 months and he's really different from my old one, but I am making progress and learning a lot. I always thought she was the only one who could make me feel safe, but I was wrong.
Good luck!
Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 10:09:33
In reply to Said she'll miss me..., posted by thewriteone on December 16, 2003, at 1:30:46
I'm glad she was able to say that. I'm quite certain it was true, and I'm sure it'll mean a lot to you to be able to remember that.
How do you feel about ending therapy (other than sad you're not going to see her)? Do you feel like you've accomplished what you came in for?
Posted by Penny on December 16, 2003, at 13:45:08
In reply to Said she'll miss me..., posted by thewriteone on December 16, 2003, at 1:30:46
I had written you a longer post earlier, but my boss came in my office, so I closed my browser and, thus, lost the post. But, to make a long story short, I have been through terminating therapy b/c I was moving, and I ended up seeing my former T for a few months every other week or once a month while I got settled in with a new therapist. It was a 2.5 hour drive for me to see the old therapist, but it was worth it. And she told me she would miss me, and she wants me to keep her updated on where I am and what I'm doing, and also said (and this made it easier) that if, at some point, I would like a 'consultation session' with her, just to catch up, she would be open to that. So it wasn't "bye, never gonna see her again" but instead was left open to seeing her occasionally if I want to. It was also much easier in that I was already pretty comfortable with the new therapist by the time I terminated with the old one.
It is hard, but you WILL get through this, even if it feels like you won't. The best thing I can tell you is to let yourself grieve, let yourself feel your feelings - whether anger, hurt, sadness, insecurity, whatever you're feeling. Those feelings are real.
And know that she does care about you. Why wouldn't she? Try to focus on how far you have come in the time you've been seeing her. And if you decide to pursue therapy again in the future with another therapist, look for positive differences - new things the new therapist can teach you. I still miss my old therapist occasionally, but I've been seeing my current T for nearly a year now, and I know she cares, and I really like (love?) her. It's different, but the feeling of safety and security I have with her is the same.
You will get through this. I'm thinking of you.
P
Posted by Karen_kay on December 16, 2003, at 14:30:59
In reply to Said she'll miss me..., posted by thewriteone on December 16, 2003, at 1:30:46
It is sad to lose your therapist. I'm going to be in the same spot in a year and a half (if I'm still in therapy, yeah I'll still be in therapy). But, at least you know that you'll be missed as well. Since you are experiencing anxiety, maybe you should start to work on this now with her? It would be a good time to start with this issue, so that you can move without the seperation anxiety holding you back as well as the normal anxieties one has when moving. It is great though that she said that to you after two years of working together. I bet it made you feel great!
Posted by thewriteone on December 16, 2003, at 19:58:15
In reply to Re: Said she'll miss me... » thewriteone, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2003, at 10:09:33
Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful replies. I don't feel I've accomplished everything I set out to, but I really am not comfortable seeking another therapist yet either. Maybe someday, but it just took so long for me to build up enough trust in her. I don't see myself as strong enough to put in that time with a new person any time soon.
I am going to talk to her about the separation anxiety and ways to cope with a lot of the things I feel. At very least, we still have about six weeks before I'll move, so there's still time. I am also thinking that I may try to see her once a month for awhile as someone suggested.
I just wish I would have had a crystal ball and known that I would be moving before I started therapy.
This is the end of the thread.
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