![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 10, 2003, at 20:23:26
ok i am a newbie to postin things on here but i am gonna try it out ....
i have been seein the same therapist for almost 4 yrs and things have been progressing very well or at least i thought out of the blue he tells me he cant work with me cus there are too many feelings involed ... i kept my cool!! i feeel so betrayed and i feel i have lost my best friend he is the only person i have ever put trust in to all my trust at that ...
i went through transfernce alone and he never really had a clue and now knowing he had feelings for me it is strange ... he dealt with these feelings for a 1 and half ... he coming out with them now ... i dont know how to deal with ..
i am sturgguling with this and the pain is extrme i wish i could sleeeeep 4 ever ... i havent felt this kinda pain .. some anger and some pain and hurt .... 0o0o0 another thing is i think it is affecting my realtiomship with my boyfriend i need help bad any advice on what to say to my therapist our last session should i go >>> help i need some advice!!!
Posted by Dinah on December 10, 2003, at 22:27:34
In reply to trnasfernce and discharge, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 10, 2003, at 20:23:26
I don't know what to say. That must be so painful. You have my deepest sympathies on the loss of an important relationship.
I'm not sure what I would want to say in my last session under those circumstances. I think I'd probably want to bless him out thoroughly for hurting me. Beyond that, I can't imagine.
Are you planning to look for another therapist? It is absolutely appalling how many therapists get work processing the fallout from the previous therapeutic relationship. :( Yet obviously there are benefits to working through your quite justifiable feelings.
Posted by fallsfall on December 11, 2003, at 7:25:18
In reply to trnasfernce and discharge, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 10, 2003, at 20:23:26
I'm sorry that your therapeutic relationship had to end this way. I think that most therapists try very hard to maintain the professional boundaries, but I can imagine that sometimes it is very hard. I can accept that your therapist isn't perfect (but remember, mine certainly IS perfect!!!), and the question comes as to how he deals with his imperfection. There are good ways and bad ways.
The fact that he sat down with you and told you that he was having a problem that prevents him from treating you effectively is a good thing. At least he is recognizing the issue - hopefully before it is really out of hand. One would hope that he has been working to avoid this for a little while - bringing your case to supervision, for instance.
The next question is how helpful he is in helping you move on. You have only ONE more session with him? Do you think you were near the end of your therapy? Or do you have more to do? Will you find another therapist (and try, try, try to trust them)? Has he given you any recommendations for people to interview? Can you talk to him about what qualities a therapist should have to work effectively with you? Did you like his "orientation" (CBT, Psychodynamic, Humanistic etc.)? Would you want to stay with the same orientation or try something different (I went with something different and it has been very helpful)? I would hope that he would be able to help you organize your therapist search, and help you process the information you get from the interviews you have with other therapists. I might ask him to see you regularly during this process (which will take a month or so).
Get recommendations from him, your pdoc, your GP, any friends you have who are therapists or who work with therapists. Figure out what therapist qualities are important to you (I wanted non-CBT, not too warm - because I depend too easily, intellegent, experienced - I'm challenging...). Set up appointments with - I would say at least 3 therapists, so you can get a sense of how they are different. Phone screen first, to make sure that they take your insurance and fit your basic criteria. The interview is for them to decide if they can help you, but more importantly, for you to decide if you can work with them. I found that it was pretty clear to me early on in the interview if I could see myself working with this person. Talk to your friends about their differences and then go with your gut. Negotiate with the two therapists whether you will see both for a little while (a week to a month?).
You deserve a smooth transition. Your therapist SHOULD be able to hold it together enough to see you through this.
TRY to remember that this is a problem that HE is having with himself. You did nothing wrong (except maybe to not let him help you through your transference...) This is HIS issue. He is not rejecting you - it is more like he is failing you. It is NOT your fault.
Let us know how it goes.
Good luck.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 11, 2003, at 15:00:18
In reply to Re: trnasfernce and discharge » lilmsbubbles07, posted by fallsfall on December 11, 2003, at 7:25:18
>
> The next question is how helpful he is in helping you move on. You have only ONE more session with him? YES ONLY ONE MORE
Do you think you were near the end of your therapy? NO NOT AT ALL
Will you find another therapist (and try, try, try to trust them)? I AM SO UNSURE WEATHER I AM READY TO TRUST ANOTHER THERAPIST YET I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN
Has he given you any recommendations for people to interview? HE IS GOING TO TO TRANSFER ME TO SOME IN HIS PRACTICE IN THE SAME BUILDIN WEATHER OR GO OR NOT IS A DIFFERENT STORY
Can you talk to him about what qualities a therapist should have to work effectively with you? Did you like his "orientation" (CBT, Psychodynamic, Humanistic etc.)? NO!!!!
>
RIGHT NOW SEEMS LIKE HE JUST WANTS ME OUT OF THERE I JUST WANT TO CURL UP AND CRY SO MUCH I SEE HIM WHEN I GO WITH MY MOM SINCE SHE IS IN THE SAME BUILDING AND IT JUST MAKES ME SO SAD AND I CRY AND CRY AND CRY...>
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 11, 2003, at 15:01:45
In reply to Re: trnasfernce and discharge » lilmsbubbles07, posted by Dinah on December 10, 2003, at 22:27:34
GRRRRRRRRRRR .... GRRRRRRRRRRRR... I FEEL LIKE EXPLODING I THINK IT IS SO UNFAIR AND ITS PAINFUL MORE THEN ANYTHING !!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO TELL HIM OFF BUT I AM SCARED TO DO THAT TOO
Posted by naiad on December 13, 2003, at 13:06:27
In reply to Re: trnasfernce and discharge, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 11, 2003, at 15:01:45
What are you afraid of? Since he has already discharged you, what is the worst that could happen if you tell him how extremely hurt you are?You deserve an airing of your feelings! I understand it is easier said than done. If my therapist were to shoo me away, I would be devastated.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 13, 2003, at 14:06:52
In reply to Re: trnasfernce and discharge, posted by naiad on December 13, 2003, at 13:06:27
i am not sure i have one more session and then i am done with him but thing is i dont want to b e done i feel like maybe i need him in my life he has helped me so much he got me to leave my house and helped me get back into scholl and all i just want him to be there
Posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2003, at 16:40:12
In reply to Re: trnasfernce and discharge, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 13, 2003, at 14:06:52
I understand that feeling. Please try to realize that there are other therapists who can also help you. Recently I realized that there is a difference between my parents and my therapist - I can't replace my parents with anyone else. I can, (and did) however, get a different therapist who can also be very helpful.
It doesn't sound like you have the option of keeping this therapist. So you really need to look ahead and find a new one. I'm sorry.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 13, 2003, at 22:22:20
In reply to Re: trnasfernce and discharge » lilmsbubbles07, posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2003, at 16:40:12
no i really cant cus the feelings are too "involed" what ever that may mean but reguardless what happens i know he will be there for me if i would need to talk to him which makes me feel a whole alot better but i am still sad and i also know that he has helped me so much and i have alot of respect for him ...since i was told i was beind discharged i have been cryin every nite and all so i guess it is because i am scared of falling down again with him there
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.