Posted by fallsfall on December 11, 2003, at 7:25:18
In reply to trnasfernce and discharge, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 10, 2003, at 20:23:26
I'm sorry that your therapeutic relationship had to end this way. I think that most therapists try very hard to maintain the professional boundaries, but I can imagine that sometimes it is very hard. I can accept that your therapist isn't perfect (but remember, mine certainly IS perfect!!!), and the question comes as to how he deals with his imperfection. There are good ways and bad ways.
The fact that he sat down with you and told you that he was having a problem that prevents him from treating you effectively is a good thing. At least he is recognizing the issue - hopefully before it is really out of hand. One would hope that he has been working to avoid this for a little while - bringing your case to supervision, for instance.
The next question is how helpful he is in helping you move on. You have only ONE more session with him? Do you think you were near the end of your therapy? Or do you have more to do? Will you find another therapist (and try, try, try to trust them)? Has he given you any recommendations for people to interview? Can you talk to him about what qualities a therapist should have to work effectively with you? Did you like his "orientation" (CBT, Psychodynamic, Humanistic etc.)? Would you want to stay with the same orientation or try something different (I went with something different and it has been very helpful)? I would hope that he would be able to help you organize your therapist search, and help you process the information you get from the interviews you have with other therapists. I might ask him to see you regularly during this process (which will take a month or so).
Get recommendations from him, your pdoc, your GP, any friends you have who are therapists or who work with therapists. Figure out what therapist qualities are important to you (I wanted non-CBT, not too warm - because I depend too easily, intellegent, experienced - I'm challenging...). Set up appointments with - I would say at least 3 therapists, so you can get a sense of how they are different. Phone screen first, to make sure that they take your insurance and fit your basic criteria. The interview is for them to decide if they can help you, but more importantly, for you to decide if you can work with them. I found that it was pretty clear to me early on in the interview if I could see myself working with this person. Talk to your friends about their differences and then go with your gut. Negotiate with the two therapists whether you will see both for a little while (a week to a month?).
You deserve a smooth transition. Your therapist SHOULD be able to hold it together enough to see you through this.
TRY to remember that this is a problem that HE is having with himself. You did nothing wrong (except maybe to not let him help you through your transference...) This is HIS issue. He is not rejecting you - it is more like he is failing you. It is NOT your fault.
Let us know how it goes.
Good luck.
poster:fallsfall
thread:288575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/288700.html