![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 3 to 27 of 27. Go back in thread:
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 21, 2003, at 21:16:54
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
> More questions for club members:
>
> Holidays -- cards? Gifts? I'm thinking something little and symbolic.This will be my first Christmas with a therapist and I would LOVE to get him a gift. What on earth is allowable? I will certainly send a card.
>
> Office comfort -- too hot, too cold - Do you speak up or dress in layers?Just right
>
> You drive in the parking lot at the same time. You are a tiny bit early (8 min). Do you wait until they go in to the building or get out and walk in with them.(I was saved by the bell - my cell rang!)This has never happened
>
> Your appointment usually falls on Thursday. Do you make an appointment on another day that you KNOW will be totally booked and you are being "sqeezed" in (admitting to the NEED)...or do you skip to the next week? (I would skip
>
> About reading Psych books - do you tell what you are reading? Give them a copy?I gave him a copy of Deborah Lott's book which he says he is almost finished with and leaning a lot from (sorry about the prepositions). HURRAY!! He had never heard of it. But I thought by introducing him to the book, it would be a good way to get my transference issues out in the open without having to just come out and say I wanted him to be my father/lover. Anyway, we have been dancing around the issue for a few weeks now and I know it will be addressed head on soon. He does mainly CBT, so he NEEDS this book and I think will be more sensitive because of it.
PS I would love to be a member of this club! Is there a special handshake?
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 21, 2003, at 22:24:21
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by Dinah on November 21, 2003, at 20:31:49
The holidays... I really wanted to give him a gift (some song-learning tapes for the choral music he loves to sing, but which he says he has trouble sight-reading), but, when I mentioned it, I got the idea that it was a "boundary crossing" which would get discussed a lot! That was the end of that idea. Then I said I wanted to send him a card, and that our family has a tradition of putting a photographic insert of various family members doing things during the past year, which our son does on the computer- I think that may get by. I would love him to see what my family looks like, for some reason. And it's the best opportunity I have to thank him for being such a wonderful therapist to me during the past year. So here goes!
Pfinstegg
Posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 1:23:59
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
> More questions for club members:
>
> Holidays -- cards? Gifts? I'm thinking something little and symbolic.I don't my pdoc gifts, I don't celebrate Christmas so I'm sure he understands.
> Office comfort -- too hot, too cold - Do you speak up or dress in layers?He always asks me if I'm cold or if he should turn the heat up. Usually I say I'm fine (even if I'm cold), but occasionally I get the courage to say, "I am a little cold."
> You drive in the parking lot at the same time. You are a tiny bit early (8 min). Do you wait until they go in to the building or get out and walk in with them.(I was saved by the bell - my cell rang!)Hmm, never had the experience. I wouldn't want to walk in with him though. One thing that does bother me, is that when he comes into the waiting room to get me for my app., he makes me walk in front of him to his office. It makes me feel self-concious like he's looking at my rear.
> Your appointment usually falls on Thursday. Do you make an appointment on another day that you KNOW will be totally booked and you are being "sqeezed" in (admitting to the NEED)...or do you skip to the next week? (
Yup, I have done that.
> About reading Psych books - do you tell what you are reading? Give them a copy?
He knows I took psych. classes in college. He knows I still do my own studies on it. At first he seemed a bit thrown off by my knowledge of what he was talking about, but then he said it was nice cause he didn't have to explain so much.
Elle
Posted by Medusa on November 22, 2003, at 3:44:59
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
> Holidays -- cards? Gifts? I'm thinking something little and symbolic.
>no no no no no ... this is a professional relationship, if anything the seller gives something as thanks for business.
> Office comfort -- too hot, too cold - Do you speak up or dress in layers?
>my comfort changes during the session. there's a balcony and during the break I open the door, leave it open, go out on the balcony. I always wear a scarf. If I'm cold, I'll untie the scarf and wrap it around my shoulders. Last time I got up and got my jacket (as in suit jacket, worn under long coat) and put that on.
> You drive in the parking lot at the same time.
>I would fake a call until the therapist was in the building - because when I start work, I like to have my little settling-in routine, and I'd rather not have the therapist defend his or her boundaries should s/he also need such a routine. I'm sure therapists know they're fair game in the parking lot much of the time, so they most likely have a completely different transition from free time to work, but still.
> Your appointment usually falls on Thursday.
>(admitting to the NEED)...or do you skip to the next week? (
>In current situation (regular appointments every other week) I suggested skipping entirely. Therapist will contact me if something can be arranged before then, but I'm not asking. Then again, present therapy doesn't provide immediate support - it's a short-term systems therapy, and during the sessions they push me pretty hard to deal with unasked (then unanswered) questions.
I should probably ask them where to get support.
> About reading Psych books - do you tell what you are reading? Give them a copy?
>Made this mistake in the first systems therapy I did - the shrink poo-poo'd a book I said I found helpful as "quick reading". Well, yeah, quicker than heavy theory books, but wtf? I'm too sensitive to reactions. OTOH, I've been thinking of asking current therapy team for a recommendation of a their-language equivalent of a systems theory book I'm now reading that isn't available in translation.
Posted by karen_kay on November 22, 2003, at 6:44:42
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 1:23:59
> > Holidays -- cards? Gifts? I'm thinking something little and symbolic.
<<I'll send a card, but I send him cards often. He should almost expect it at this point.
>
> > Office comfort -- too hot, too cold - Do you speak up or dress in layers?
<<It is almost always cold and I say I'm cold. He has a small heater he turns on if I get cold.
> > You drive in the parking lot at the same time. You are a tiny bit early (8 min). Do you wait until they go in to the building or get out and walk in with them.(I was saved by the bell - my cell rang!)
>
> Hmm, never had the experience. I wouldn't want to walk in with him though. One thing that does bother me, is that when he comes into the waiting room to get me for my app., he makes me walk in front of him to his office. It makes me feel self-concious like he's looking at my rear.
>
***I haven't had this happen either. But, my therapist walks behind me also. But, I like it. And I shake my ass. If he is looking, may as well give him somehting to look at right? The bad thing is I always bump into people coming around the corners :( Should try to pay more attention to walking and less attention to shaking my butt.
> > Your appointment usually falls on Thursday. Do you make an appointment on another day that you KNOW will be totally booked and you are being "sqeezed" in (admitting to the NEED)...or do you skip to the next week? (
>
<<Yup, admit the need. You are just as important as the other clients. I've done it. You can't make progress if you're not there.
>
> > About reading Psych books - do you tell what you are reading? Give them a copy?
<<Umm... well, I tell him that I read psych books and look info up. I don't tell him what exactly. I think he might flip out if he knew to what extent. I can honestly read 3 or 4 psych books a day if I have a full day to myself. No, I don't give him a copy. And, I tend to go to the university library and check out psych journals. I'm almost afraid if I told him he would tell me to stop. I don't think he would but I think maybe he would question my motivation for doing so. Maybe it is better that he doesn't know. I'll keep that to myself.
Karen
Posted by fallsfall on November 22, 2003, at 8:10:45
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
> More questions for club members:
>
> Holidays -- cards? Gifts? I'm thinking something little and symbolic.
>
Nope. No cards, and absolutely no gifts.> Office comfort -- too hot, too cold - Do you speak up or dress in layers?
>
I am in such turmoil I don't think that I would know if I were cold or hot.> You drive in the parking lot at the same time. You are a tiny bit early (8 min). Do you wait until they go in to the building or get out and walk in with them.(I was saved by the bell - my cell rang!)
>
NEVER. I would busy myself in my car doing something (maybe I need to get a fake cell phone since I don't have one).> Your appointment usually falls on Thursday. Do you make an appointment on another day that you KNOW will be totally booked and you are being "sqeezed" in (admitting to the NEED)...or do you skip to the next week? (
>
I do have a Thursday appointment usually. I asked what the situation Thanksgiving week would be. He said he would be out the later part of the week. His Wednesdays are not "booked" - he leaves Wednesday for extra things or takes it off if he can. He said he might have time on Wednesday if I wanted. I said I did. He said he didn't know then (Thursday) but could tell me Monday. This is where I find out if I am one of his 8 most distressed clients. I'm betting I get a Wednesday.> About reading Psych books - do you tell what you are reading? Give them a copy?
It took me a long time to convince him that I really do read "real" psych books. I get them from the university library. When I told him that I had been reading Koenberg the night before he decided that I was going to read no matter what, so I might as well read what he thinks is relevant. He connected me to Heinz Kohut - self psychology. It is wonderful - and we talked about the first book a little in session. Right now I am in enough turmoil that most of the time I can't read anything. I read to make me feel like I understand what is going on, and so I can be sure to do everything I can to make things work better. I think he would rather that I didn't read.
Posted by Dinah on November 22, 2003, at 10:21:01
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 1:23:59
> Hmm, never had the experience. I wouldn't want to walk in with him though. One thing that does bother me, is that when he comes into the waiting room to get me for my app., he makes me walk in front of him to his office. It makes me feel self-concious like he's looking at my rear.
>I hate that too. I used to hang back for him to go first so often that eventually he just started doing it. If he stops to get coffee he tells me to go on ahead which is even better because I can settle in. He used to walk me back out till one day I snapped at him he didn't need to do that. Now he just lets me out the door to his office and I make my way out. And I never ever speak unless we're actually in the office. He asked me about something going on in the waiting room and I just nodded till we got to the office, where I told him what happened.
I'm sure there's some deep significance to that. But I think I like Medusa's explanation better, and will use that one from now on (unless Medusa objects).
Posted by thewriteone on November 22, 2003, at 12:23:39
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
> More questions for club members:
> Holidays -- cards? Gifts? I'm thinking something little and symbolic.The 1st year I gave a card, but not since. I have on occasion given inexpensive gifts throughout the year.
> Office comfort -- too hot, too cold - Do you speak up or dress in layers?
Dress in layers, or actually in my case, dress light 'cause it's always hot.
> You drive in the parking lot at the same time. You are a tiny bit early (8 min). Do you wait until they go in to the building or get out and walk in with them.(I was saved by the bell - my cell rang!)
I usually wait until two or three minutes before my session before I go in.
> Your appointment usually falls on Thursday. Do you make an appointment on another day that you KNOW will be totally booked and you are being "sqeezed" in (admitting to the NEED)...or do you skip to the next week? (
Most of the time I would wait until the next week unless I felt I was in the middle of something that couldn't wait that long.
> About reading Psych books - do you tell what you are reading? Give them a copy?No, it seems my shrink doesn't like to talk shop with me.
Posted by DaisyM on November 22, 2003, at 19:28:29
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by fallsfall on November 22, 2003, at 8:10:45
OH NO@! I'm one of those Thursday people that he said, "I really think we should meet on Wed. instead of skipping" and already gave me an appointment...does this mean I am one of those in the worse shape?
('course, I could have guessed that, due to recent events...)
:(
Posted by DaisyM on November 22, 2003, at 19:30:29
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by karen_kay on November 22, 2003, at 6:44:42
> Hmm, never had the experience. I wouldn't want to walk in with him though. One thing that does bother me, is that when he comes into the waiting room to get me for my app., he makes me walk in front of him to his office. It makes me feel self-concious like he's looking at my rear.
>
I haven't had this happen either. But, my therapist walks behind me also. But, I like it. And I shake my ass. If he is looking, may as well give him somehting to look at right? The bad thing is I always bump into people coming around the corners :( Should try to pay more attention to walking and less attention to shaking my butt.<<LOL!!! You guys kill me. How about this? I have to walk UPSTAIRS with him behind me. It is all I can do not to RUN each time.
Posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 19:33:50
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by karen_kay on November 22, 2003, at 6:44:42
> ***I haven't had this happen either. But, my therapist walks behind me also. But, I like it. And I shake my ass. If he is looking, may as well give him somehting to look at right? The bad thing is I always bump into people coming around the corners :( Should try to pay more attention to walking and less attention to shaking my butt.
Hehehehehe!! Sometimes I throw a little wiggle into my step! Even though I always wonder what he's thinking. :)
Elle
Posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 19:39:52
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » Elle2021, posted by Dinah on November 22, 2003, at 10:21:01
Hi Dinah,
He doesn't walk me out, thank goodness. That would make me a nervous wreck. I wonder what he thinks about me. Probably that I am some kind of a nutjob! Hehe!
Elle
Posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 19:43:53
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 22, 2003, at 19:30:29
> <<LOL!!! You guys kill me. How about this? I have to walk UPSTAIRS with him behind me. It is all I can do not to RUN each time.
Oh! I feel for you! My butt wiggles more when I
go up stairs.
Elle
Posted by Dinah on November 22, 2003, at 20:15:20
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » fallsfall, posted by DaisyM on November 22, 2003, at 19:28:29
I am soooo jealous, guys. Mine is taking off from Tuesday thru Friday. I made sure to get a Monday appointment weeks ago, and checked to make sure he was leaving a space for me the next Monday. He really does try to reduce the amount of disruption his absences cause for me though, so I shouldn't worry so much I guess, that he'll give away an available space. I do though. :)
I don't even want to *think* about Christmas.
I am glad he's having time to relax and enjoy his family. I am glad he's having time to relax and enjoy his family. I am glad he's having time to relax and enjoy his family. Really....
Posted by Dinah on November 22, 2003, at 20:17:29
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 19:33:50
While I don't want my therapist thinking of me that way, I do sort of wish that a wiggle of my rear would be a source of pleasure to someone instead of an alarming sight.
Gotta lay off the pasta, I guess.
Posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 20:58:21
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by Dinah on November 22, 2003, at 20:17:29
I don't really want him thinking of me that way either. I think due to my past I am more comfortable being thought of as a sex object than a troubled girl.
Elle
Posted by Dinah on November 22, 2003, at 21:07:43
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » Dinah, posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 20:58:21
And I guess I'm more comfortable with *girl*, troubled or amusing or precocious, whatever. I guess it's hard to do precocious in your forties. :) I can't stand being called a woman.
It's funny how we all react to our pasts differently.
Posted by karen_kay on November 22, 2003, at 22:08:26
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » Elle2021, posted by Dinah on November 22, 2003, at 21:07:43
>Ha, I'm the opposite! I think (basically know I'm still a scared littlle) girl, but I want to be a woman! And, I always talk about sex because I Don't, don't DON'T want anyone to ever think that I'm actually very uptight about it. Hmm.. funny how much you learn about yourself...
And I guess I'm more comfortable with *girl*, troubled or amusing or precocious, whatever. I guess it's hard to do precocious in your forties. :) I can't stand being called a woman.
>
> It's funny how we all react to our pasts differently.
>
Posted by karen_kay on November 22, 2003, at 22:09:36
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » DaisyM, posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 19:43:53
>Oh, the fun I could have walking up stairs! :)
Karen
>
> Oh! I feel for you! My butt wiggles more when I
> go up stairs.
> Elle
>
>
Posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 23:10:53
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by karen_kay on November 22, 2003, at 22:08:26
>I think (basically know I'm still a scared littlle) girl, but I want to be a woman! And, I always talk about sex because I Don't, don't DON'T want anyone to ever think that I'm actually very uptight about it.
I'm uptight about it too. Precocious is a good label for me...
> And I guess I'm more comfortable with *girl*, troubled or amusing or precocious, whatever. I guess it's hard to do precocious in your forties.
Are you in your forties? I thought you were in your 20's.
By the way...stairs are fun huh!! :) Hehehe
Elle
Posted by karen_kay on November 23, 2003, at 7:09:30
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II » karen_kay, posted by Elle2021 on November 22, 2003, at 23:10:53
> > And I guess I'm more comfortable with *girl*, troubled or amusing or precocious, whatever. I guess it's hard to do precocious in your forties.
>
> Are you in your forties? I thought you were in your 20's.
> By the way...stairs are fun huh!! :) Hehehe
<<<That was part of Dinah's post. I was responding to it! I am in my 20's. I would like walking up stairs in front of him, but I always wear heals and I am clumsy. Imagine failing down a flight of stairs and taking him down in the process... I could never show my face again! Oh my, if I could have one wish, it would be for grace and dexterity! I would walk up flights of stairs in front of him all day :(
Karen
Posted by Poet on November 24, 2003, at 9:23:23
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
I'm sorry I'm so late for the club meeting.
Gift/card- I wouldn't be comfortable doing either.
Office comfort- I speak up. Usually it's too warm. She has an afghan clients can cover with if it's cold. Kind of like a security blankie.
Parking lot- I hide in my car and hope she doesn't see me.
Appointment. I see my therapist on Thursdays, when a holiday falls on it, she offers me the day before or after. I've only skipped a week if I was gone for the entire week.
Books. I tell her what I'm reading. She recommends books so she seems okay with my independent research.
Poet
Posted by Penny on November 24, 2003, at 9:41:09
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
> More questions for club members:
>
> Holidays -- cards? Gifts? I'm thinking something little and symbolic.I give them Christmas ornaments. Hand-painted, of course. My pdoc was so appreciative last year.
> Office comfort -- too hot, too cold - Do you speak up or dress in layers?
I don't say anything unless asked. Usually it's fine, though my pdoc's office can be a bit chilly at times. I usually bring a jacket.
> You drive in the parking lot at the same time. You are a tiny bit early (8 min). Do you wait until they go in to the building or get out and walk in with them.(I was saved by the bell - my cell rang!)This has happened to me on several occasions with my therapist - but I don't think we've ever gone in together. Usually she'll come in just after me.
> Your appointment usually falls on Thursday. Do you make an appointment on another day that you KNOW will be totally booked and you are being "sqeezed" in (admitting to the NEED)...or do you skip to the next week?Depends on how I'm feeling. If I need to see her (or him) I'm okay with being squeezed in. My pdoc saw me at 9:30 p.m. week before last b/c he was going out of town on our normal meeting day. I felt a little bad keeping him out so late, but I'm not the only patient he sees at such odd hours.
> About reading Psych books - do you tell what you are reading? Give them a copy?I recommended "In Session" to my T. And showed her that I had checked the Linehan books out of the library. So, yeah, I share what I am reading. But I don't give her a copy.
Posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 9:58:17
In reply to Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by DaisyM on November 21, 2003, at 20:15:19
Gifts / cards - definitely not. I'm sure she would take a very dim view.
office too hot / cold. It's never just right. I always complain. Once I said I was really hot and she said are you sure you're not just embarrassed?
parking lot - My therapist's office is in her basement, so she's always there already.
Books - when I tell her what I'm reading she usually gives a subtle put-down. I challenged her on this the other day and she said she is worried about me reading all the cr*p there is out there. She has recommended me a book, which of course as a Perfect Therapy Client I ordered immediately.
Posted by joslynn on November 24, 2003, at 10:53:05
In reply to Re: Perfect therapy Client Questions - Part II, posted by lookdownfish on November 24, 2003, at 9:58:17
GIft/cards—I sent them both a generic Christmas card last year. My pdoc mentioned once in the course of conversation that "technically we are not supposed to accept gifts" even though he does. I wouldn't give a gift. I may skip a card this year too, unless I end up with extras.
Temp—Therp's office is fine. Pdoc's seems to fluctuate, but he always asks me if it's too hot or too cold, then adjusts accordingly.
Books—My pdoc has recommended a couple books about depression, which were helpful. I don't recall anything about sharing the books I read with pdoc or therp. Usually there just doesn't seem to be enough time to talk about "issues" and also talk about books, which I could discuss forever.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.