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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:01:48
Okay, folks, I'm back on babble for the time being - just couldn't stay away - but I do need to attempt to limit myself. However, I really need some feedback on a therapy issue...
My T, in our last session, asked again if I have given any more thought to joining a DBT group - which I really haven't - after my telling her about feeling hopeless about the future, about my job, about life in general, etc. And I was left with the feeling that what she was really saying was that she can't really help me. Not that she doesn't want to - I'm sure she does - but that perhaps I need more/different help than she can provide.
Of course, I would still be seeing her once a week while doing DBT, but the whole thing just stresses me out and I don't know why. And sometimes I get the feeling that maybe she's not really helping me that much anyway. She pointed out to me that my thoughts regarding my hopelessness were a bit extreme, and that DBT might help with that, and I told her that I just feel so stuck and I hate my job and I don't know what to do, and she said that she's not really an expert on helping people make career decisions or change jobs, but that there are people out there who are. And it's good that she's being honest about that, but at the moment I'm not sure what good it's doing me to be in therapy at all.
Which led me to wanting to cancel today's appointment. Then I felt like that would be playing games with her somewhat - testing her in a way - because what I would really want would be for her to resist my canceling the appointment. But she might not, and then I would really end up feeling like she didn't really care, or that she wasn't concerned, or whatever. But I don't think that's fair to her, to 'test' her. I want to be honest.
And Dinah told me that I already know that I need to be upfront and honest about my feelings about all of this, but I guess I didn't realize until recently how much I want HER to be able to help me. We were talking about my applying to grad school, and she said that maybe I really do need to just take this year to get my emotional health in good shape, which I agree with, except that, as I told her, I have been trying for several years now to get my emotions together, and it's just not happening. And there's no question that I'm not applying to grad school at least until next year, but I told her that I need to figure out a way to tolerate life as it is (with my job and such) until then. And my finances are still a mess, which is one of the things holding me back from joining the DBT group, though I need to talk to the DBT therapist about payment arrangements, but I'm just feeling so stressed right now about everything, and I don't know what my meds are doing, if anything, and I guess I just felt like she didn't really get it, or, if she did, she didn't know what to tell me, which isn't much help. I wanted her to help me, and I felt like she was saying that she can't. Again, I know she wants to, or I assume she wants to, but I just felt like she didn't know how.
I've been seeing her for nearly a year now, and I didn't enter therapy expecting a short-term fix (I've been in therapy for 4 years), and last Thursday I was feeling pretty upbeat, but on Tuesday this week I was down again, and I feel like maybe she's frustrated with me.
Okay - sorry for all the run-on sentences. My HS English teacher would have a fit! :-)
I just don't know what to do, folks. I really don't know what to do.
And I apologize for the overuse of the word REALLY. Really.
P
Posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:21:07
In reply to When did therapy become so complicated??? (long), posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:01:48
It is hard in the midst of everyhting to stand secure sometimes. I often don't know if I'm coming or going in therapy. The ultimate thing, the important thing, is to have someone who will stand by you through out the duration. This is what experience has taught me. I feel as if my pdoc couldn't care less sometimes but I have to remember my feelings towards her vacillate greatly. Her feelings towards me don't vacillate that much. You deserve to have a therapist who is supportive and attentive, but sometimes they are somewhat less than gratifying (on purpose, I think.) I would talk to your therapist and just lay it all out bare and see what she says.
Posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:57:25
In reply to Re: When did therapy become so complicated??? (long), posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:21:07
It's funny, because I have been a bit frustrated with my pdoc lately too, and I told her about that and she said, "Well, you need to talk to him about it - he's not going to stop treating you for being upset with him," and I told her that I know that. I ended up talking to him about the situation, but not telling him that I was somewhat frustrated with him.
And she's told me before that if she says something that I take a certain way - if she says something that I see as hurtful or whatever - that I need to tell her, because chances are it's not how she meant it. And, as I said, I know that it's not that she doesn't want to help me, but I'm afraid that she can't, that she's realizing that she can't, and that that means she's going to refer me on. Even though she's never hinted at that at all.
Along those lines - perhaps I am projecting some of my frustration at myself onto her? Or perhaps I'm realizing that maybe she's not as good a therapist as I want to believe she is, and that her approach isn't working with me? I don't mean that she's not a good therapist, but maybe I need something different. I think back to my former T, who I thought at the time was pretty close to perfect, and realize that she was far from it (not that she wasn't good also). That there were many things about her approach that didn't work for me, but I had nothing to compare it to, so I didn't know to do anything. And I like some of how my current T handles things, but sometimes I think we just get too off track and the session time is wasted. At the same time, I don't relish the thought of leaving emotionally drained. It's just all so frustrating. I don't know if I want to do this at all.
I don't know. ARGH.
P
Posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 15:09:04
In reply to Re: When did therapy become so complicated??? (long) » zenn4, posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:57:25
Hmmm. Therapists and pdoc don't always give us what we want but hopefully they'll give us what we need. Anything beyond that is a blessing. If you are really feeling frustrated, I would inquire and probe. You've already invested a year of your life into this relationship and that bears some weight. Perhaps you can ask yourself, are you really getting anything out of this, is the therapy progressing. Sometimes therapy doesn't progress and it's just like slogging through mud. That comes with the territory. But it seems your dilema is two-fold. First you want her to be the one and your not sure she is and second, you want her to care for you as a client/patient. And you seem to be unsure of that as well. Is that accurate? I hope you come to a clearer resolution and feeling more satisfied. It is good to work with *ugh* transference.
Posted by shar on November 20, 2003, at 22:13:23
In reply to Re: When did therapy become so complicated??? (long), posted by zenn4 on November 20, 2003, at 14:21:07
Plus, let me add, that one role a therapist may assume, and a client may want, is to learn to 'hold on' to themselves; their core strength and being.
That way, one is not tossed about by what others think, because they KNOW what they themselves think and believe.
Shar
Posted by Poet on November 21, 2003, at 9:24:16
In reply to When did therapy become so complicated??? (long), posted by Penny on November 20, 2003, at 14:01:48
Hi Penny,
I'm having a period of regression in therapy: I seem to be going backwards and not making any progess at all. I finally got up the nerve to really open up to her about my fear that if my bulimia stays out of control that she'll abandon me.
She assured me that she won't. We'd work something out that I could see her and an eating disorders specialist. (That would be hard financially unless the specialist is covered by my insurance, my therapist isn't.)
She also mentioned support groups and that scared me. I have social anxiety and all the Paxil in the world wouldn't make me comfortable talking to a bunch of people. I don't know how comfortable you are in a group setting, but that could be why you are reluctant to join the DBT group.
Therapy is complicated, hard and slow. She told me yesterday that I am strong for not giving up even though I've had some major set backs recently.
If you didn't cancel your session, let me know how it went.
Poet
Posted by Penny on November 21, 2003, at 15:07:24
In reply to Re: When did therapy become so complicated??? (lon » Penny, posted by Poet on November 21, 2003, at 9:24:16
No, I didn't cancel my session - I don't really have the nerve anyway! And I was pretty open with her about how I felt in Tuesday's session - with feeling somewhat like she was frustrated with me, etc., or that she couldn't help me, and she calmed my fears and told me that it takes a lot to frustrate her, and she would tell me if she was frustrated with me, and she does think she can help me, but recommended DBT again because it's another technique that might be useful and one that we're not doing. She said it wasn't necessary that I join a DBT group, but she thought it might be helpful.
I'm going to think some more about it. I don't know how long it takes the group to get through each module, b/c they only accept new members when they start a new module, and when I talked to the group therapist a couple of weeks ago, she said they would be starting a new one in a couple of weeks (so right about now). Regardless, it's not something I really want to get into before the holidays. There's just so much going on, and I think it would be a stressor in many ways.
Actually, I don't have a problem with groups - I've always gotten a lot out of the therapy groups I was in. I think maybe it's the knowledge that it's truly a year-long committment (not that I have to sign a contract or anything) and there's a lot of work involved...and that just makes me antsy. I'm going to look at the books some more.
Anyway, I left therapy yesterday feeling like all was right in my therapy world again. I just love my therapist...
Thanks for the feedback, all.
P
This is the end of the thread.
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