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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 16 to 40 of 53. Go back in thread:
Posted by bubblechild on October 30, 2003, at 16:56:03
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by fallsfall on October 30, 2003, at 7:24:07
Being on time - What does too early or too late mean?
I always struggle with this. I like the five minute rule. My T doesn't even take me until 15 minutes after my apt. time. I always wonder what she does with that time. Does she try to remember who I am? Does she reread my file,thinking to herself "what a boring hour this will be", does she gossip with her coworkers?> > Dressing for the visit: Do you think about it? If so, what does that mean?
Yeah, sadly I am guilty of this too. Since I go after work, I sometimes wonder if my coworkers notice that once a week I look better!> >What foods are we endorsing for post-therapy consolation: (I vote for cream of wheat :)!
Sorry I like a nice glass of wine.
> How many times is sneaking a glance at the clock or your watch allowable per session?
The only clock I can ever see is the one she says is not really for patients (what ever that means!). So I never know why it faces me!
> How often is it "OK" to call your therapist, After hours? During business hours?
I can't even imagine doing this though I read how so many of you feel free to do so. I have never been offered the option and would be afraid of overstepping my boundaries!
> Have you searched on the internet for them (my personal favorite)? Driven past their house? Do you know what kind of car they drive? Do you know the car's license number?
Internet...guilty. I even found her husband (different last name) and know what he does. Have driven past where she lives....on my way somewhere and "happened to be in the neighborhood" lol.
How do they view us? And, do we really want to know?
If I only knew that I might feel a bit more relaxed. I also think she'll be happy if I work hard. I have the feeling she might like to see me cry.....UGH
Posted by Dinah on October 30, 2003, at 18:36:02
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club » Medusa, posted by Dinah on October 30, 2003, at 7:45:05
Alas, I am alone in my quandary!
Posted by DaisyM on October 30, 2003, at 19:48:54
In reply to No one's therapist picks his nose?, posted by Dinah on October 30, 2003, at 18:36:02
I can't imagine doing my session with my eyes closed though there are times that i keep my eyes averted. His eyes are among the nicest things about him. And nope, no nose picking.
Another new question for the club: How do you answer - Where did you just go?
or What were the tears (or almost tears) for?
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 6:56:54
In reply to Re: No one's therapist picks his nose? » Dinah, posted by DaisyM on October 30, 2003, at 19:48:54
You mean going through therapy with your eyes closed is unusual? No wonder my therapist keeps prodding me to open them when he gets a chance.
Keeping my eyes closed lets me concentrate better on both what I'm feeling (which has been a problem for me to identify sometimes) and on the feeling of the "space" between us.
I am always at something of a loss to answer those questions, too. But I like them better than "If your tears could talk, what would they tell you?" I always want to answer that they ask me where on earth he gets these stupid questions.
Posted by kitkat33 on October 31, 2003, at 9:41:34
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by DaisyM on October 29, 2003, at 16:37:34
> Being on time - What does too early or too late mean?I am always right on time, If I am early I wait in my car until it's about a couple of minutes to the appointment time. She ends on time and starts exactly on time too.
> Dressing for the visit: Do you think about it? If so, what does that mean?I wear what I wear to work, but alot of times I can't remember what she wears, so I spend time trying to remember to look and try to remember her clothes. I generally wear the same skirt each week with different tops and sweaters.
> What foods are we endorsing for post-therapy consolation: (I vote for cream of wheat :)!If it's emotional- Fast food comfort in FF. Ugh!!!
> What else?I look at the clock anytime I get nervous. I say the same thing each time I start, She asks how was my week and I say it was OK.
Kit
Posted by DaisyM on October 31, 2003, at 10:19:12
In reply to Re: Eyes closed, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 6:56:54
I love reading these posts...I'm laughing myself silly. This has been such a hard week, I needed these laughs.
See new thread below for more club questions.
Posted by stjames on October 31, 2003, at 15:48:13
In reply to Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by Poet on October 29, 2003, at 13:09:37
> I call this meeting of PTPC to order!
>
> It's so nice to find out that I'm not the only one who researches what my therapist is trying to do and how I should be acting.I though to idea of thearpy was to be real and no to "act" ?
Posted by karen_kay on October 31, 2003, at 16:53:31
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by Poet on October 29, 2003, at 19:15:12
> > Being on time - What does too early or too late mean?
> I am always 10 -15 minutes early to show that I am just as professional as he is. Too early means you are too eager. Too late means you are disrespectful.> > Dressing for the visit: Do you think about it? If so, what does that mean?
>Of course I think about what to wear!! I change my clothes at least 3 times before I go! I always dress in something nice, usually a nice shirt and dress pants, to show him that we are on the same level. Never wear the same clothes in the same month! Soemtimes I dress nicer than he does and he comments on it. I like that!
> >What foods are we endorsing for post-therapy consolation: (I vote for cream of wheat :)!
>Mac and cheese
> >What else?
>
> How many times is sneaking a glance at the clock or your watch allowable per session?
> Depends on if he is annoying me or asking hard questions!
> What about note taking? In order to be perfect I always have my journal. If he assigns homework I write it down. If he says something provoking, I write it down. If he gets long-winded, I doodle. He never writes anyhting down. I am jealous of his memory.
>
> Poet
>
> I really like this thread. I know I am very jealous of his other clients. I told him one time that I prefer to think that he doesn't have any other clients. He laughed. I didn't. One time after I left he went to get another client and I was paying and I saw her. She was prettier than I was. I almost cried. The next session I asked him if I was his favorite client. Has anyone else asked that question? He said that was a hard question but that I was way up there. That made me feel good. He said he really liked the kids he helps because they play basketball. I told him I could play basketball. He laughed. I didn't. It seems he laughs a lot and I don't. Karen
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 16:59:50
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by karen_kay on October 31, 2003, at 16:53:31
I have never asked if I am his favorite client, and never will. I'd rather not hear the answer, I think. I do happen to know I'm his longest term client. As long as he treats me well, I don't much care. Except maybe I don't want him to think *very* negatively about me. I may not need to be liked, but I'd rather not be disliked by him.
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 17:30:32
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club » karen_kay, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 16:59:50
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 17:37:37
In reply to Re: Eyes closed » Dinah, posted by DaisyM on October 31, 2003, at 10:19:12
Grin...
What good are they if we can't get a little amusement from them?
He picked his nose again today. No wonder I don't long for a hug. :))
Posted by Emme on October 31, 2003, at 22:41:43
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by Poet on October 29, 2003, at 19:15:12
> > We'll need a list of rules -- or at least interpretations of those that break the rules. As in:
> > Being on time - What does too early or too late mean?I'm almost always on time unless traffic is bad. I’m a**l that way. I missed a couple of appointments because I was having trouble remembering things and forget to even write the appts down, and she was cool about it and was a little worried that my memory was slipping.
Too late?....maybe the person is trying to control the situation...?
> > Dressing for the visit: Do you think about it? If so, what does that mean?Heck no. Sometimes I have just rolled out of the shower and show up with wet hair and in jeans.
> >What foods are we endorsing for post-therapy consolation: (I vote for cream :)!
Chocolate! Or iced coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. Or ice cream.
> How many times is sneaking a glance at the clock or your watch allowable per session?I don't know. She keeps the clock.
> What about note taking? In order to be perfect I would like to get it down right away and not wait until I get home.Maybe I should given my cruddy memory. Sometimes I write down new "mantras" afterwards. I have the sense it gives her performance anxiety when people write stuff down. I know I shouldn't be worrying about how she feels, but it's worked out so far without me taking notes.
> ??How often is it "OK" to call your therapist, After hours? During business hours?
Any time. No guarantee she’ll be there at that moment of course. But as for the anytime, she’d rather talk to me than have me frightened and in trouble. I try not to take advantage of her as far as how late or early I call ( usually I call during late morning or the afternoon) and I also know that if she is busy and doesn’t want to answer, she can always let the machine pick up and will call back when she can. How often? She's never complained. Sometimes I call a lot, sometimes I go a while without calling.
> ??Does your therapist ever make mistakes? What was the worst one? Did you tell them? when you've told the therapist about her/his mistakes, how have they responded? What's the Perfect Therapist response?
I think she does. Usually a miscommunication. If I'm upset by something she says, I let her know. Sometimes she owns it, sometimes she doesn’t.
> ???Are you jealous of their other clients?
No. I don’t even think about them.
> ??Have you searched on the internet for them (my personal favorite)? Driven past their house? Do you know what kind of car they drive? Do you know the car's license number?
Searched on internet? No. I know her house and car because she has a home office. Not the inside of her house of course. She has an attached office.
> ??Do you know their religious affiliation?
Yes I do.
> ??How do they view us? And, do we really want to know?
She gives every indication of positive regard. If she thinks otherwise I sure don’t want to know. :)
> ??what does the therapist's attire mean?
I can tell her schedule by how she dresses. She has a part time practice. If it's just me for a while she wears jeans because her personal style is not unlike mine and she knows I don't really care what she's wearing. Not that we talked about it. She just knows. If she's got several that day she dresses up because other clients want her to look professional.
Emme
Posted by karen_kay on November 1, 2003, at 0:07:15
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club » karen_kay, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2003, at 16:59:50
I NEED to be liked... is that odd? karen
Posted by Dinah on November 1, 2003, at 5:11:37
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by karen_kay on November 1, 2003, at 0:07:15
I suspect it's far from unusual. I suspect my lack of need for it has as much to do with my very poor assessment of my interpersonal ability as anything else. It doesn't really occur to me that he would have any reason to like me.
Posted by Poet on November 1, 2003, at 11:16:24
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by karen_kay on November 1, 2003, at 0:07:15
I need to be liked, too.
She shares a suite of offices with a bunch of other therapists. When I walk through the waiting area on my way out I wonder which person is waiting for her and does she like him/her better?
I am pathetic.
Poet
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 1, 2003, at 15:19:16
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club » karen_kay, posted by Poet on November 1, 2003, at 11:16:24
This thread is so much fun! Let's see.. I usually arrive about four minutes before my session , and become a traffic maniac if I get held up. He is always exactly on time, starting and stopping, and once apologized for being two minutes late. In the beginning, I didn't care how I looked, and wore blue jeans, sneakers and messy hair. Now, I do care, and usually wear a jacket, necklace, pants and good shoes. I use the couch more now, and sometimes really thrash about, so I no longer wear skirts. Keeping them *down* is definitely one thing too many. He has very poor taste in clothes, sometimes wearing things like a green jacket, blue pants and a loud flowered tie. So far, I have been able to keep this topic out of my stream of consciousness during the sessions, although I probably won't be able to any longer now that I've brought it up here! The office is awful, too- bad colors and boring paintings. The chairs and the couch are black leather, although there is a little flowered pillow on the couch which has a sort of disposable paper towel on it. There is an irritating space heater clicking on and off during the winter, as one side of the office is glass and it gets cold. There is one nice thing- a balcony outside overlooking a park and containing three bird-feeders which are in constant use.
I looked him up on the net and there were hundreds of entries- graduation pictures, class notes from Princeton, articles and book reviews he had written. So far, I've resisted the urge to drive by his house, although the temptation is strong. As to the car- I'm looking!
I, personally, am very jealous of any other patient I catch sight of, and tend to feel that he likes them more. He shares a waiting room with three other analysts, and there are often several people in there- I can't tell who goes to who. However, he is very warm and empathic to me, so I can't help but feel that he likes me as well. And, too, a deepening bond is developing through the work we are doing together- that feels real, and means an awful lot.
I'm usually in a daze aferwards, and don't think about food for a few hours. He has a parking space for his patients in the garage of his building. I often bring our dog in the car; she'll sleep quietly while I'm upstairs seeing him; then I often take her to a nearby park where there is a one-mile walk along a stream. She gets to swim- she's a spaniel- and I get to try and clear my head and think a few clear thoughts. It never works!
Pfinstegg
Posted by karen_kay on November 1, 2003, at 17:09:33
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club » karen_kay, posted by Poet on November 1, 2003, at 11:16:24
Poet, If you are pathetic, I am even more! I saw another client one time and she was prettier than I am. I almost cried. That is what started the question of whether I am his favorite client or not. I figured if I am not his prettiest, maybe I can be his favorite. Now, that is pathetic. :)Karen
Posted by karen_kay on November 1, 2003, at 17:13:53
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by Pfinstegg on November 1, 2003, at 15:19:16
Ok, what about this? I send him thank you cards. I thanked him when I was manic and he spotted it. I thanked him when I was depressed and he spotted it and helped me through it. I sent him a congratulations card when he passed his big test to finally get his certification. And he keeps them in his office on display. Is this too much you think? Does this make me a good client or obsessed? Ugh.. But he knows I am a card-sending addict and I know he appreciates it.... what do you think? Karen
Posted by underthecs on November 1, 2003, at 20:15:35
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by fallsfall on October 30, 2003, at 7:24:07
> ??How often is it "OK" to call your therapist, >After hours? During business hours?
Well, mine says call me if I need to. I can email also. It is SO hard to call, though. I try to do it at times where I know he won't be at work, and I can leave a message on his voicemail. Or I have to be really, really drunk <g>
> ??Are you jealous of their other clients?Lord, yes! Even the kids that he sees. And I've told him this.
> ??Have you searched on the internet for them >Driven past their house? Do you know what kind >of car they drive? Do you know the car's >license number?Um, yeah to all of the above. I've even tried to hack into his email account. Got caught. He claims he wasn't mad. And hasn't really treated me any differently, nor has he suspended my email priviledges. He's pretty awesome.
>What are their therapy experiences?
I just know that he was in therapy. And I know kinda what his issues were. I am nosey!
Posted by underthecs on November 1, 2003, at 20:19:40
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by karen_kay on November 1, 2003, at 17:13:53
> Ok, what about this? I send him thank you cards. I thanked him when I was manic and he spotted it. I thanked him when I was depressed and he spotted it and helped me through it. I sent him a congratulations card when he passed his big test to finally get his certification. And he keeps them in his office on display. Is this too much you think? Does this make me a good client or obsessed? Ugh.. But he knows I am a card-sending addict and I know he appreciates it.... what do you think? Karen
**** I think it's sweet!
Posted by Emme on November 1, 2003, at 20:31:01
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by karen_kay on November 1, 2003, at 17:13:53
I think cards are very nice. And everyone likes to be appreciated. And it doesn't sound like you do it every other week or something extreme.
Now how about feeding them?? I'm the bringer of vegetables and chocolate. When my garden overproduced, I couldn't give much to my friends because they were in the same boat with their gardens. So my therapist got some of the extras, including things like 3 lb zucchinis. Afterwards she'd tell me how she cooked them.
As a total and complete chocolate snob, I occasionally bring good chocolate either to the therapist or pdoc. I sometimes wonder why I do it, or wonder if they wonder why I do it. I know they like me okay, so I don't think I'm trying to win approval. Part of it is thanks because they are extremely conscientious. Part of it is "chocolate evangelism". I just can't resist giving it to people.
It's not uncommon to see veggies or a cake floating around my pdoc's office and I realized that I wasn't alone - that her patients feed the office regularly!
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 1, 2003, at 22:31:46
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by Pfinstegg on November 1, 2003, at 15:19:16
My therapist did a very creative thing this fall. I have DID, among other things, and don't have much memory for ages 5-10, although I do have quite a few clear ones for 1-5. I brought in a journal with the few memories I have of those years, and a photo of myself when I was six. I thought he would have a brief look and return it, but he asked me if I would like him to keep it. I said yes; he asked me to try to tell him why, and I found myself saying that the part of me who is the little girl in pigtails in the photo could not think of a thing to say, and that I wanted him to keep her safe until she could, maybe, remember and begin to speak. He said it would be fine for her not to speak until she was ready. It felt very comforting for him to have the journal; two months went by with lots of other things happening, but not a word more about the little girl- and then, just yesterday, I felt I was speaking with her voice and starting to remember a few things from those years. The memories were very painful ones, but I was just sobbing with relief that they were no longer entirely buried inside me. I guess I'm telling this because I wanted you to know that although he wears pretty awful clothes at times, and does not have a very attractive office, as a therapist he is just wonderful -patient, understanding, creative, resourceful and effective. He ended that immensely powerful, moving session by saying, " we will be able to interact with one another a lot more now."
Well, having previously confessed to all the faults of being a Transference-Ridden member of THE IMPERFECT PATIENT CLUB, I guess I was eager to change the topic over to THE PERFECT THERAPIST CLUB! Hoping for other entries..please don't let me be the only one to be telling stuff like this.
Pfinstegg
Posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 9:26:19
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by underthecs on November 1, 2003, at 20:15:35
Wow! You know what his issues were? I know mine is thinking about seeking some counseling. And you tried to hack into his email account. I am so scared mine would just say,"Karen, leave my office and never come back!" or else I would try to do all of those things. I am glad that you have such as strong relationship. It helps. Karen
Posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 9:27:02
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by underthecs on November 1, 2003, at 20:19:40
****Thanks :)
Posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 9:31:59
In reply to Re: Perfect Therapy Patient Club, posted by Emme on November 1, 2003, at 20:31:01
I know my therapist ALWAYS has food is his office, so I would bring him food but I'm afraid he would say I can't accept gifts. I chew gum like a kid and I always offer him gum. I think it is very sweet that you offer gifts of chocolate, esp. nice chocolate!!! that is much better than hersheys!!! You should swing by the office I come to and I could steal some from my shrink ;) karen and the veggies sound great too! I think that it sounds like the type of thing I would do but I'm afraid he would say no and I would feel like an ass.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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